Daughter was sexually assaulted by five people, and her parents found out 4 years later: Intimacy is the best protection you can give your child

As a mother, the last thing I can bear to see is news about children being harmed. But recently, another piece of news broke that made me furious. The title was \”16-year-old left-behind girl got pregnant and was sexually assaulted by 5 people in 4 years!\” The oldest is 80 years old, and one is a college student.\” The 16-year-old girl from Shaoyang County, Hunan Province is well-off and is in the third grade of junior high school this year. She was born in a poor village, and her parents worked in the city to make ends meet. With an annual income of only 40,000 yuan, he still cannot escape poverty. She and her younger sister became left-behind children, living with their 80-year-old grandmother who is deaf and deaf. At such an innocent age, who would have known that Xiaokang had been sexually assaulted by five people one after another four years ago. Until Xiaokang found out that he was pregnant, he refused to go to school and asked to go out to work. Parents and teachers still didn\’t notice anything strange. Xiaokang disappeared after working for 12 days, and his family called the police to find him. On the way to pick up Xiaokang home, she revealed the secret that had been in her heart for a long time – \”I am several months pregnant.\” What worried me even more was that after the doctor\’s examination, the doctor said that Xiaokang\’s physical development was not complete. If a one-month-old fetus is forcefully induced, the chance of Xiaokang getting pregnant again is only 20%. And if this child is born, who will raise it? Who is the child\’s father? The sentence that made me most heartbroken in the report was: The reporter asked: \”Why didn\’t you tell your parents that you were forced to have sex?\” Xiaokang said that she didn\’t know. As a helpless child, she never thought of telling her family when she suffered such great pain in her life. She didn\’t even know what happened, she didn\’t know it was a crime, and she didn\’t know why she didn\’t say anything. Just imagine, if Xiaokang could tell his parents about the violation as soon as it happened, would the harm last four years continue? A large number of case studies show that all children who have been sexually abused have one thing in common: they will only tell their families if they have no choice but to hide their pregnancy. But before, they chose to be patient and silent. This further led to the repeated and continuous nature of the infringement. Sexual assaults on teenagers and children occur frequently, and many executioners hide in the dark to commit evil and cause trouble. By the time a case is exposed, the crime has often been going on in the dark for a long time. In 2014, a 13-year-old left-behind girl in Guangxi was sexually assaulted by 18 middle-aged and elderly people. When she was discovered, the incident had lasted for 2 years. At around 9 a.m. on March 15, 2015, Zhang Xia, who was working in the company, received a call from her daughter Xiaoquan. My daughter kept crying and stopped talking. After repeated questioning, Zhang Xia learned that her daughter, who was under 14 years old, was pregnant! The person who sexually assaulted her daughter was actually Xiaoquan\’s stepfather Liu. Only then did she realize that this criminal sexual assault had been going on for three years. On April 8, 2018, Luo, the principal of Xintang Ouyanghai Primary School in Hengdong County, Hengyang City, Hunan Province, was criminally detained in accordance with the law. According to his preliminary confession, during his tenure, he slept with more than 20 primary school girls over a long period of time. Taiwanese female writer Lin Yihan was sexually assaulted by her Chinese teacher in high school. After that, she suffered from mental illness and was unable to complete her studies. She went to psychiatric treatment every week and could not get out of the shadow for 89 years. She wrote her nightmare experience in a book, but she neither dared nor wanted to tell her parents. straightAt the age of 26, two months after her book was published, this beautiful and talented girl could not bear the mental torture and hanged herself in her bedroom. …Similar incidents abound. What makes me even more angry than the harm done to the children is the distance between these children and their parents, which makes them silent for many years before they can express their grievances and pain. When a child remains silent after being hurt, the alienation of the parent-child relationship in turn gives criminals an opportunity to take advantage of it. There is a question on Zhihu: What kind of children are most likely to be targeted by sexual predators? Among Gao Zan\’s answers, the first one to bear the brunt is \”children who have been neglected by their parents for a long time\”: not only including left-behind children and foster children, but also children whose parents are around but neglected by their parents to supervise and care about them. This part of the domestic population in 2016 One survey stands out the most. Because of long-term neglect by parents, perpetrators find it difficult to detect. In addition, it is not easy for parents to detect abnormalities in their children\’s body and behavior. In addition, it is precisely because parents neglect to care about their children that children will easily believe in the care of strangers, allowing the perpetrators to easily succeed in their crimes. Only a very small number of children can stand up and tell their families the first time they are hurt. Just the day before yesterday, a female Weibo V publicly recounted a dangerous incident that happened when she was growing up. Her home was very close to the school, and one day in high school she went home to study late one evening. Just as she was about to enter the corridor, she suddenly heard a rush of footsteps following her behind her. She looked back and saw a man dressed all in black, wearing a black hat and even a black mask, with only a pair of eyes exposed. The two of them were three or four meters apart, looking at each other. Soon enough, the man suddenly took off his pants, revealing his dirty private parts. The girl was frightened, ran upstairs like a whirlwind, and opened the door like crazy. Then, she made the most correct and crucial decision – to tell her parents what happened immediately. This incident left a big shadow on her, \”When I close my eyes, it\’s like that man took off his pants.\” But luckily, throughout high school, his father would pick her up from school every night. She never encountered any abnormal incidents again and spent the entire high school safely. There are really animals in this world. Even if we carefully protect our children under our wings. No matter how hard you try, you can\’t achieve 360 ​​degrees without any blind spots. Children have to go to school and have the social activities they should have – they will always enter an environment that we cannot control. Intimacy is the first and last line of protection we can give our children. In addition to cultivating children\’s safety awareness of self-protection from an early age, parents should also tell their children, \”No matter what happens, just say it and your mother will protect you. Your mother will always be your strong backing.\” This allows children to have no reservations about their parents. His confession and dependence are not just as simple as telling him to \”speak out\” in one sentence. This requires the cultivation of a long-term, ongoing intimate relationship between parents and children. According to psychological research, there are three key periods for establishing a close relationship with children during their growth. Miss thisPeriod, it will be extremely difficult to make amends. The first stage is when the child is 1-3 years old, establishing physical intimacy. At this stage, most parents can almost achieve intimacy. At this time, the child is still a baby and is often held in her mother\’s arms. Mother\’s hugs, comfort, and kisses can bring great comfort to children. During this period, children can feel full of love from their parents, which will also make them feel at ease and dependent. The second stage is when the child is 4-10 years old. The important factor in establishing psychological intimacy is dependence, and dependence comes from companionship. This period is a critical period for children\’s growth, and parent-child companionship is especially important. Statistics from the Pew Research Center in the United States show that the \”passing mark\” for the effective time parents spend with their children is 21.2 hours per week. Converted to a day, it should be at least three hours. Therefore, do not use busy work as an excuse to refuse to accompany your children. During the companionship, the children gradually regard their parents as their best friends and establish a psychologically intimate relationship. The third stage is when the child is 10-15 years old, establishing smooth spiritual communication. This stage is the child\’s adolescent development period. Parents should pay more attention to the \”respect\” of their children instead of focusing on \”discipline\” in adolescence. We must respect the individuality of children and accept their imperfections. Do not criticize or deny at will, and support the children\’s choices. Encourage children to express their opinions. Data released by the China Children’s Culture and Art Foundation Girls’ Protection Fund, a public welfare organization that has long been engaged in sexual assault prevention education, shows that among children who have been violated, students aged 12-14 have the largest number. Therefore, it is very necessary and top priority to strengthen children\’s observation and communication at this age. Everyone is not born a good parent. As we become parents, we all need to continue to learn and grow. Learn how to get along better with your children and become closer friends. The establishment of an intimate relationship is inseparable from intimate companionship. But in reality, we find that many parents and children stay together every day, but the relationship is not necessarily \”close\”. The parents are exhausted and the children are at a loss. There is a scene in the movie \”Carnival\” where a girl who was sexually assaulted returned home, was scolded by her mother, tore up the clothes in her closet, and stared blankly at herself in the mirror as her mother forcibly cut off her long hair. This moment is heartbreaking. It is unimaginable that after the child has been physically hurt, he will also receive a mental blow from the person closest to him. As a victim, the child is questioned by those around him. So they choose to remain silent. They don\’t want the unhealed scabs in their hearts to be peeled away layer by layer. Gradually, they no longer trust the most trustworthy people. As parents, we should all reflect on ourselves: Have we unconditionally accepted the child who will make mistakes and get hurt? The so-called intimate relationship should be: no matter what bad things happen to you, you are only responsible for telling me, and I am responsible for protecting you. \”Baby, you look unhappy, what happened?\” \”Baby, why are you crying, can you tell mommy?\”… Are these words difficult to say? When a child\’s world turns gray, at least let him know: I have a mom and dad, and they are the eternal guardians of my life.Protector.