Girls don’t want to go to school and are tied to motorcycles: Acceptance is a required course for parents

On April 24, a girl in Yunfu, Guangdong Province, did not want to go to school. As a result, her father tied her back to a motorcycle. The child cried in the back of the car, but the father ignored her and continued to speed away. The video sparked heated discussion on the Internet. Later, with the intervention of the police, the father admitted his mistake and said that he would pay attention to his parenting methods in the future. But the scene of the child crying heartbreakingly is still in front of me. Many netizens said: Son, don’t cry, you will thank your father when you grow up. But I want to say: Child, you can cry if you want, because crying is your right. When you finish crying, tell us, why don’t you want to go to school? It is common for children to be unwilling to go to school. When I send my two children to school every morning, I occasionally see a few children at the school gate, reluctantly walking into the school gate, or even crying and refusing to go in. Faced with every child who doesn\’t want to go to school, we often use scolding and tough methods to deal with them. We cannot tolerate and cannot imagine that if children do not go to school, what else can they do? Every child has had the thought of not wanting to go to school. Early yesterday morning, Xiaobao Xiaoguiyuan lay in bed and couldn\’t get up: \”Mom, I don\’t want to go to school today.\” I was surprised: \”Why, can you tell mom?\” She shook her head and hid again Under the covers. After I confirmed that she really didn\’t want to go to school, I tucked her in and said, \”Okay, if you don\’t want to go, don\’t go. Mom sometimes doesn\’t want to go to work.\” When she heard this, she showed her head and said, Two black eyes rolled around: \”Then you won\’t go to work today.\” I smiled and scratched her little nose: Mom really wants to be at home with you, and also wants not to go to work, but no Yes, mom has to abide by the rules of the work unit, and she has to write materials to report today, so she can\’t stay with you at home. She pouted: \”Then you still have to go to work, can\’t you stay with me at home?\” I shook my head: \”You can only stay home alone today, mom has to get ready to go to work.\” She saw me getting up and hurriedly Get up and say I\’d better go to school. While eating, she told me that yesterday afternoon the teacher criticized her for talking to the classmates in front of her, and she felt aggrieved. Because it was the classmate at the front desk who spoke to her first, but the teacher just happened to see her talking, so she didn\’t want to face the teacher. I said: The feeling of grievance in my heart is really uncomfortable. Sometimes my mother is criticized by the leader and has been wronged, but sometimes when I think about it, what the leader said makes sense. She nodded: \”Yes, now that I think about it, no matter what, my speech in class was wrong, and the teacher was right to criticize me. Now I don\’t feel aggrieved at all.\” Psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in \”Why Family Hurts People\” \” said: Words and deeds are not important, what is important is feelings. Mature parents will not deal with their children\’s problems immediately, but deal with their children\’s feelings first. Because behind every behavior there are psychological needs. Xiao Guiyuan felt aggrieved, and then came up with the idea of ​​not going to school. And I first affirm and then empathize (my mother sometimes doesn’t want to go to work), and then accept her emotions (if she doesn’t want to go, I won’t go). But at the same time, I also send a message: Although I don’t want to go to work, I still want to abide by the system. When children feel that their emotions are affirmed and accepted, the true feelings hidden in their hearts will be revealed to us. When they are growing up, many times they are unable to express their inner feelings correctly, so they can only reflect them in their actions. At this time, what they need most is not our criticism, correction, and persuasion, but our affirmation and acceptance. If you accept my emotions, then I can find myself and my confidence from your acceptance. In the \”Post Zeroes\” documentary filmed over ten years, the little girls Yiyi and Chenchen are both introverts who like to be alone. In the kindergarten, there are other children in groups, but only one one eats, sleeps and plays alone, without crying or making trouble, without panic or chaos. The kindergarten teacher was very worried about this and deliberately guided her to find a friend. But Yiyi was very determined, \”I just like to play by myself. I think it\’s good to play alone.\” Teacher Da Li told her: \”You need a good friend.\” Yiyi cried: \”I don\’t want a good friend.\” .” Yiyi’s mother completely accepted her child: “Her father and I are both introverts, so there is nothing wrong with being introverted, it’s quite normal.” After saying that, she smiled generously. After growing up, Yiyi is quiet and reserved, with wisdom and insights beyond those of his age. He uses his own way to interact with others without being humble or arrogant. When he is himself, he has a determination that is different from ordinary people. From the corners of her eyes and brows, to the movements of her hands and feet, it can be fully seen that she has found her place. Children who are accepted can fully feel the love of their parents and can face the world calmly. Because they have received enough recognition and love from the beginning of their lives, when they don’t need to prove anything. Because I have been loved, accepted, and believed, I know clearly who I am and what I like. I am not easily disturbed by external voices and can firmly live the life I choose. Live yourself, that is the most beautiful way of life. Chenchen had a good friend in kindergarten. She went to the kindergarten early every day, but would not go in. She insisted on standing at the school gate waiting for her good friend Nande. When Nande came, Chenchen\’s day began. But ten years later, Chenchen has become a person shrinking in a shell. She likes to soak in the virtual world, where she has made many friends; her dream is to be an animal examiner, and she believes that dealing with animals is more real than getting along with people; she hates that people always wear masks, She is very scheming and keeps saying false things… Why would a girl in her prime prefer to endure the unbearable loneliness of ordinary people rather than go out and interact with others? Because no one really accepted her, every time she tried outside contact, she felt unfree, shocked or cold. In the film, Chenchen’s mother kept repeating: My daughter is a rather weird person, and has a problematic outlook on friendship. She cannot distinguish between virtual and living people… She emphasized that her daughter has always been like this since she was a child. People who don\’t want to change. For this reason, she hopes that her child can be more outgoing, which will be good for her to interact with people or to adapt to society in the future. However, in the end, Chenchen said to her: Go away, your stupidity will be contagious. Children who have not been accepted have been living in the denial of their parents. ThenThis is the biggest blow to the child. She has no way to find herself, so she likes to search for herself on the Internet. A person\’s first source of support comes from his or her family. Having family members who can accept them wholeheartedly and unconditionally is the first condition for them to establish a sense of security. Children who lack acceptance since childhood cannot feel the love and respect of their parents, cannot feel their own value, cannot find themselves, and cannot find self-confidence. The sense of security they lacked in childhood will never be made up for in their lifetime. On April 21, Barbara Bush, the former \”First Lady\” of the United States and wife of the old President Bush, was buried. Jeb Bush said in his memorial eulogy: Mother brought countless laughter to our lives. In the family, she is a teacher and a role model for us, teaching us how to live a life of purpose and meaning. Mother is our first and most important teacher, \”stand up\”, \”look into other people\’s eyes\”, \”please say \’please\’ and \’thank you\’\”, \”do your homework well\”, \”don\’t cry or complain\”, \”eat well\” ”…these little things we learn become habits and lead to better qualities: be a good person, always tell the truth, never look down on anyone, serve others, treat others the way you want to be treated, Love your God with all your heart. In our most difficult days, my mother always gave us 120% certainty and unconditional tough love. As our children get a little older, they spend more time visiting their grandparents. It usually only takes a week with the grandparents, and when they return home they become more willing to do chores, stop fighting, and get along better. I think it\’s down to the scary grandma preaching that helped them develop good habits at home. Even in our 90s, mothers can still terrify our grandchildren, nephews, nieces, and even children if we don\’t behave. In Barbara Bush\’s world, there are no safe corners and no petty fights allowed. But every child knows that grandma loves them. What is true acceptance? Acceptance means accepting the child\’s feelings, personality, and ideas, and giving the child respect and attention, along with the rules and principles of love. Acceptance is the best soil for children to grow and develop self-confidence, allowing children to have enough confidence and courage to face the world; and the rules and principles of love will give children a better education to walk in the world. Blind acceptance without rules can easily make children\’s egos too inflated; only after acceptance, coupled with rules and principles, can children be more complete in love. All acceptance begins in childhood. Only with our unconditional acceptance will children accept themselves and in turn accept others.