If you are so pretentious, you are actually killing your child\’s ability to stand in society in the future.

Wherever there are people, there are rivers and lakes. Yesterday when I took Liuliu to play in the park, I witnessed a small \”grievance\”. The cause of the incident is this: several children were squatting together to watch a caterpillar. It was interesting to see the caterpillar swaying on the ground. One little boy started to catch it, but his father who was watching over him quickly stopped him. Seeing that several children had been watching for a while, and fearing that the children would accidentally catch the caterpillars and hurt themselves, several parents discussed taking the caterpillars away. A father had just wrapped the caterpillar in toilet paper and prepared to transfer it, when a little girl not far away suddenly burst into tears. At that time, the boy\’s father did not realize that the girl\’s crying had anything to do with his behavior. He did not take a few steps and was hurriedly stopped by the mother holding the girl: \”Put the caterpillar back, okay? My daughter is watching.\” Perhaps because she was afraid that the child would cry, the girl\’s mother sounded a little hasty and seemed impolite. The boy\’s father was a little stunned, but he didn\’t say anything and put the caterpillar back to its place. Although the innocent caterpillar has been put back in its place, the little girl is still crying. The mother coaxes: \”Baby, don\’t cry. That uncle did something wrong and shouldn\’t touch the caterpillar.\” The little girl nodded. Pointing at the boy\’s father: \”Uncle, bad guy!\” The mother continued to coax: \”Don\’t be angry, stop crying.\” Several parents listening to this conversation looked at each other a little bit, but the parents of the girl over there continued, The tone was not very polite, and his words were also filled with complaints about the boy\’s father. Finally, the boy\’s father couldn\’t help it any longer and stepped forward and said: \”Hello, I\’m sorry to interrupt you. I didn\’t know your child was watching just now, so you keep accusing me of coaxing your child, right? Is there something wrong?\” The girl\’s mother immediately responded in a sharp tone: \”Each family has a different way of educating their children, and there is nothing wrong with me.\” The boy\’s father looked a little sad when he was reprimanded: \”You have no problem educating your children. But why are you making trouble with me? Moreover, when you criticize me in front of my children, I have done nothing wrong. How should I educate my children?\” The girl\’s mother threw her over and said, \”It\’s none of my business!\” The boy\’s father was furious and stood aside. Many parents tried to dissuade her, and the looming war was finally calmed down. At this situation, I couldn\’t help but shake my head. Yes, I can understand this mother\’s response to her child\’s emotions, but I have to say that in this matter, her guidance and problem-solving methods are inappropriate. Indeed, how she educates her children is her business. But she overlooked one thing – at this moment, she and her child were in public. And there is a very realistic fact: Why should others have to accommodate your children? Another point is that if she needs help from others, she should at least be polite to others. But in terms of communication on these two points, she made mistakes. She lacks basic etiquette when communicating with others and is naturally self-centered. However, the world does not revolve around you, let alone your children. If our education is so \”pretentious\”, children will only become more and more squeamish and willful. How will they gain a foothold in society in the future? Why do we pay so much attention to early education? It’s because of a child’s genderCharacter, ability, etc., many of the seeds are sown at an early age. Social skills are an extremely important part of children\’s early education. Because people of any age have typical problems that arise from daily conflicts and unmet needs. The girl\’s mother\’s education that does not distinguish between right and wrong can easily make the little girl think that she is right and that self-understanding is the main thing, and others need to accommodate her unconditionally. If things continue like this, it will not be beneficial to the development of social abilities of little girls. What is social competence? Social Competence. On the one hand, there are adaptive skills, such as children’s various skills, etc. We can help children consolidate their knowledge system and improve professional skills through home school and other means. Another important part is social skills, which include the ability to communicate with others, the attitude of self-expression, etc. When children are adapting to the outside world, there will always be unhappy moments: if their favorite toys are taken away by other children in the public area, they will be teased by children who are taller and stronger than themselves, and they will take away the toys that originally belong to them and enthusiastically invite others. Children play together but are rejected. Research shows that if children do not learn the skills to resolve conflicts and get along with others, introverted children may become withdrawn, have low self-esteem, and be depressed in the future. Children with strong personalities may become aggressive, impulsive, combative or antisocial. Children\’s friendships, study, work, and life may all be plagued by problems due to a lack of social skills. Liuliu is not such a lively child, so I have been focusing on cultivating her social abilities since she was a child, and it is quite effective. When she was about 6, 6, 2 or 3 years old, she fell in love with a little boy\’s shovel while playing in the playground. The opponent refused at first, and Liuliu was a little disappointed, but he didn\’t grab it or give up. Instead, he patiently exchanged his toys with the little boy. The boy still disagreed, so Liuliu squatted beside him, watching the little boy dig the soil, and exclaimed from time to time: The shovel is so powerful. Perhaps it was her sincerity that impressed the little boy. He soon generously gave Liuliu the shovel to play with, and the two of them dug sand together after discussion. Myrna B. Schur is a child development psychologist. In the book \”How to Cultivate Children\’s Social Competence\”, she proposed a technique called ICPS (interpersonal cognitive problem solving) to understand other people\’s problems. Feel (acknowledge the little boy\’s unwillingness to share his emotions) Come up with multiple solutions to the problem (try to trade with multiple toys) If that doesn\’t work let\’s try something else (don\’t interrupt, praise the little boy\’s shovel) Empathize, understand , share, coordinate, and solve problems. This is the process by which we develop children’s social abilities. Don’t be self-centered. If we only start from our own feelings and needs, we will not be recognized and shared by others. Only by putting yourself in others\’ shoes and establishing a \”we\” mindset during communication and cooperation can we have better support. It is true that we hope that our children will receive better treatment in society, but we also need to train our children\’s resilience.sex. Because a child\’s resilience will be a very important aspect of her adaptive behavior when entering society. Everyone cannot always have smooth sailing in society, and is bound to encounter setbacks and difficulties. Resilience refers to a person\’s ability to maintain a positive outlook on life in the face of setbacks, obstacles, frustrations, mistakes, flaws, disappointments and other emotions. If a child always relies on his parents to give him answers, help him solve problems, and repair his frustrated and disappointed mood, for example, if the child falls, tell him: \”Baby, it\’s because the ground is uneven, let\’s hit it.\” instead of teaching him. Children should pay attention to their own problems, be careful on the road when walking, and don\’t run too fast, etc. Then, it will be difficult for his brain to develop resilience. Stephen Cammarata said in the book \”The Power of Intuitive Parenting\”: To develop resilience, you must suffer failure and learn to deal with failure in order to ultimately achieve success. If you just blindly satisfy the child, accommodate the child, and base everything on her feelings regardless of the occasion. Then, it will be difficult for children to balance the relationship between self-awareness and social skills. By helping children find multiple solutions and focusing on the role of resilience in cultivating children\’s character, instead of doing everything to meet children\’s needs as the sole purpose, perhaps we can help children better adapt to society.