The Importance of Communicating with Adolescent Children: How Right You Are, How Wrong You Are

\”You are now in the third year of junior high school, and you will take the high school entrance examination in half a year. Why do you act like a normal person every day, reading novels, playing games, and showing no knowledge or skills? Do you know that if a person is uneducated, he can\’t make money even by working hard? ?\” \”You have dark skin and it\’s not suitable to wear pure white clothes, otherwise you will look darker. Wouldn\’t it be okay to go out with me in that colorful dress?\” Three effective ways for parents to communicate with their children reveal \”You can\’t walk\” Do you straighten your back? You are already short, and you are carrying your back, and you are not energetic at all.\” \”When I was your age, I not only had to go to school, but I also had to help the family with farm work and cooking. In this way, my results He is also at the top of the class. Look at you, you do nothing but study every day, and you can still pass the exam! Who are you worthy of?\” \”Don\’t play with Xiaotao in the future. That child has been ignored by his parents since he was a child, and he is poor in studies. . What can you learn from playing with him? It’s better to play with Xiao Huan and Xiao Yan, those two are good children.\” As parents, have you ever said something similar? I bet that parents who haven\’t said a word are either not honest enough with themselves, or their children are not in school yet, or \”the child is someone else\’s child, and you are someone else\’s mother.\” All parents who say these things have a common mentality: I am right. I say this for your own good. \”You are in your third year of junior high school. You must study hard. Only if you are educated can you have a good job.\” Right? right. \”Don\’t wear pure white clothes if you have dark skin.\” Right? right. \”Stand straight when you walk.\” Right? right. \”You do nothing every day and focus on studying. You should get good grades in the exam.\” Is that right? right. \”Don\’t play with those kids who don\’t study well. Play with good kids.\” Right? right. Here comes the problem. If this is so correct, how would the child react? \”Okay, I got it. Are you annoyed?\” The sound went in through the left ear and out through the right ear. \”What\’s wrong with Xiao Liu? I just like to play with him. Can you leave me alone?\” Use it as an offensive force, defend it, and resist it. \”…\” When you express disgust, your face is silent and your heart is hurt. Why is this happening? Because you are so right and you like to prove that you are right too much. And in order to prove that he is right, he does not hesitate to belittle the child\’s aesthetics, judgment, appearance and ability to choose friends. Such communication can only end on bad terms. Haim G. Ginott says teenagers bristle at unsolicited attention and advice. They strive to appear mature, independent, and autonomous. They are like a person who needs a loan but wants to be financially independent. No matter how helpful their parents\’ bank is, these teenage borrowers will resent the interest on their borrowed money. This is the adolescence of \”ignorance\” and the adolescence of \”chaos and pain\”. When dealing with adolescent children, there is really no better way to communicate except learning to shut up and empathize. Keeping your mouth shut means not talking about the child\’s shortcomings. Drawing children\’s attention to their own shortcomings is like shining a harsh spotlight on them. His flaws will be seen more clearly by us, but not by himself. His eyes would be blinded by the spotlight. His heart will be hurt by the temporary blindness in his eyes. Or, fight your parents to the end to maintain your dignity and boundaries. Empathy is the feeling of identifying with the childby. It is the ability to respond sincerely to a child\’s emotions and feelings without being infected by the child\’s emotions and feelings. Acknowledging feelings is not the same as acknowledging behaviors. However, identifying with feelings can certainly change your child\’s behavior. This change is quietly positive and beneficial to the parent-child relationship. Adolescent children are most afraid of becoming a copy of others and most want to prove their uniqueness. They strive to look different from their parents. But some parents are too obsessed with proving to their children that their parents are right, how they are right, where they are right, and why they are right. You have to do what I ask because I\’m right. This kind of communication did not bring about the results that each other wanted. It just brings pain and disappointment, or separation and struggle. Being too insistent on being right is just to prove your own strength and your child\’s weakness, to maintain your authority and your child\’s subordination, and to cover up your own fears and your child\’s growth. Besides, are you sure you are right? What are the standards of right and wrong? Since it’s just the public’s standard, why can’t we let go of our obsessions and trust our children’s choices? Adolescence is a beautiful and most sensitive period in life. It doesn\’t matter if parents don\’t understand their children\’s thoughts. As long as you can let go of your own standards of judgment, let go of what you think is \”right\”, let go of control and blame, that\’s it, just stay by your side. Maybe adolescent children don’t know what they want, but as those of us who have gone through adolescence, we definitely hope that our parents will be like this: When I look back on my youth, your presence is like a warm harbor, quietly opening your arms, It seemed that he had done nothing but silently watched my back, waiting for the return of the wanderer. This scene will be my greatest vision and truest expectation. I really don\’t need a parent who is constantly involved in my life. I really don\’t need a parent who constantly reminds me of my shortcomings. I really don’t need a parent who is constantly proving how right they are. I really don’t need a parent comparing other people’s kids to mine. I need a sincere and friendly parent. I need a supportive parent. I need a parent who respects their children. I need a parent who keeps growing. Please believe that the growth I have gained from my mistakes must be better than thousands of lectures from my parents. I will definitely be able to get through this special period safely and live up to my time and myself.