When it comes to school bullying, don\’t say to your children: \”Why do they only bully you?\”

A group of us mothers gathered together to chat, and naturally we talked about our children and school bullying. One of the mothers described her child\’s plight at school. She said that she sensed that her classmates wanted to bully her children, but they did not go to the extent of bullying. She didn\’t know how to interfere in this neither embarrassing nor embarrassing situation, so she just had a chat with the child. I think it is commendable for a mother to be aware of her child\’s situation at school and take the initiative to talk to her child. However, the content of the conversation between this mother and her child surprised me. The mother advises her children to be patient and be kind to their classmates. Even if they are bullied, they should repay them with kindness and not be too similar to their classmates. This child is in the first grade of elementary school. He is a bit thin and introverted. His academic performance is not very good. He is at the bottom of the class. He has few friends in school. Judging from this child\’s condition, his campus life may not be so good. When his mother advised him to be patient, those who listened wanted to slam the table. According to this child\’s mother\’s thinking, if your child is not bullied, whose child will be bullied! What is repaying evil with kindness? What is \”no common sense\”? To put it bluntly, let the child endure it. You don’t even look at the situation of your children! This child is relatively weak in terms of physique and grades, and has no friends. This type of child is the one who seems to be the \”easiest to bully\” in school. \”Extraordinary knowledge\” is the compassion of the strong for ordinary people, and the \”unusual knowledge\” of the strong is tolerance. The \”unusual knowledge\” of the weak is just cowardice and incompetence in the eyes of others, and they are just sending out a signal – I Easier to bully. I know, what I say is easy for people to be more serious. If you have a strong body and study well, you are a strong person? Who gave you the right to classify students into three, six or nine grades? First of all, I would like to state that I would not dare to grade students in this way. In our children\’s daily education, we emphasize friendship and mutual help, and emphasize not judging success or failure based on performance. However, we must also admit that children with strong bodies are not easily bullied, and most children with good academic performance are envied (sometimes because of good performance) The situation of being excluded is not absolute). \”Wherever there are people, there are rivers and lakes.\” If there are rivers and lakes, there must be grievances, and where there are grievances, there will be strife. Every small group is a small society, with relatively strong people and relatively weak people. With all due respect, there are many dark sides in human nature, and bullying seems to be one of them. Many studies have found that most children have experienced physical, verbal, sexual, online bullying, etc. in school. Incidents of bullying and bullying occur in every corner of campus and society. Sometimes, even teachers may become the perpetrators of bullying. How does bullying happen? It is probably that under certain conditions, an action or event catalyzes a certain person to bully the weak, and then others join in. Never ask your child: \”Why don\’t they bully others?\”, only bully you? \”This is a stupid question. Not only is it stupid, it will push your child away from you and make him despair. We all know that people are not only attacked when they are at fault. According to news reports, 25-year-old Wang filed a lawsuit with the Wenling Court of Zhejiang Province, accusing her former classmate Jiang of insulting and slandering her for ten years. And this ten-year bullying only started from an inconspicuous thing. That day, the two A classmate accidentally broke Wang\’s water glass, and his deskmate joked, \”This water glass costs 3 million.\” Afterwards, Jiang posted a post on Baidu Tieba claiming that \”the water glass costs 3 million,\” attacking Wang for showing off his wealth. , more untrue remarks such as \”plastic surgery\” and \”promiscuity\” were issued, and online violence lasted for ten years. Behind those false online posts, there will always be a group of people who abuse her. In real life, there are people from time to time. She used the incident of being excluded and isolated when she was a student to illustrate her character problems. \”It is never a big deal to watch the excitement.\” Behind a person being bullied, there is a group of people doing evil. \”As soon as a person is in a group , the IQ is seriously reduced. In order to gain recognition, the individual is willing to abandon right and wrong and use IQ to exchange for a sense of belonging that makes people feel safe. \”(\”The Crowd\”). \”The Crowd\” is a classic work that analyzes group psychology. It subverts people\’s usual understanding of groups and analyzes the characteristics of the group incisively and vividly. It believes that once an individual becomes a member of a group, what he does will no longer take responsibility. At this time, everyone will reveal their unconstrained side. What the group pursues and believes in is never the truth and reason, but blind obedience, cruelty, paranoia and fanaticism. It only knows simple and extreme Feelings. This can explain why one-to-one conflicts can easily evolve into many-to-one campus bullying. As a highly educated mother, I don’t want my children to become victims of bullying. I prefer I don’t want him to become the perpetrator. There are also small \”jianghu\” in the kindergarten. In his usual chat with me, he will occasionally mention that \”such and such a child is the least well-behaved in the class\”, and his tone is full of reproach. \”We can\’t Say this to other children! \”I didn\’t say that. Everyone said he was bad.\” \”If he is not good, the teacher will criticize him and he will correct it.\” You\’re not a teacher, why are you messing around? \”The purpose of not letting him get involved is to prevent him from thinking that he is an \”authoritative person.\” This is an effective step to prevent him from becoming a perpetrator. In fact, he himself has been a victim. For a while, He often cried in the kindergarten (based on his condition, I guess his original intention was to win the teacher\’s sympathy and attention). On the way out of school, some classmates gathered around him and said, \”\”The most squeamish\”, and there are also small actions of children pushing him and trying to snatch the toys in his hands. The thing happened right under my nose, but if I intervened at this time, the matter would become a fuss about me, baby. Too much victim psychology will also intensify. I didn\’t say anything at the time, but I couldn\’t pretend that nothing happened. When I got home, I asked him: \”Did you find out?\” Today, so-and-so pushed you twice and tried to grab your toys. The so-and-so next to you kept laughing at you for crying. \”He listened and said nothing. I guess he didn\’t know what to say or how to feel. \”Because you\’ve cried too much recently. When you encounter a problem, find a way to solve it and don\’t cry easily. Doing nothing but crying will make you appear weak and incompetent. Once a person appears weak and incompetent, he is likely to be bullied. \”Then, I gave him some appropriate suggestions for the problems he encountered in kindergarten. I hope he can learn to use these methods to deal with it next time instead of just crying. \”Don\’t make yourself look weak and bullyable. \”This is the advice I gave him. The core meaning is that I hope he looks capable and powerful (the ability and power here are by no means the ability and power to bully others). So, we can focus on, To prevent your child from reaching the specious edge of being bullied, you can do this: 1. Listen to him, believe him, and tell him clearly that you will firmly support him. Only in this way can you ensure that your child is on the verge of being bullied. If you are being bullied, you will take the initiative to tell you. If you blindly ask your child to endure it, or let him find the reason from himself, you will lose his trust and the opportunity to protect him. 2. Encourage him to make friends and encourage him to make more friends. Participate in group activities. If he has friends and stays together in twos and threes, it can reduce the chance of bad children coming to trouble. Moreover, the child knows that he has friends and a group to rely on, which is a kind of psychological comfort for him. 3. Help He has a strong heart. Whether it is teaching him how to deal with problems, or encouraging children to participate in more sports and keep fit, these are all ways to make him feel strong. Only with a strong heart can he be confident and have room to choose. Even if you have a good talk with the bad boy, you still don\’t have the same understanding as them.