When your child encounters a difficult obstacle, try giving him a bowl of \”bedtime stories\”

A woman\’s state of mind determines the temperature of the family. When I was a child, there were frequent power outages at home. Although power outages were inconvenient, I was secretly happy. I didn’t know why I was happy. Only when I grew up did I realize that when the power went out, busy parents finally stopped what they were doing and spent all their time with their children. Usually, when our parents talk to us, they are always busy and deal with it at the same time, without being distracted. Every time there is a power outage, my mother lights a candle and everyone sits together. Sometimes my mother would make us lie down early and tell us ghost stories. Children always look forward to power outages. They feel that when there is a power outage, the home becomes warmer. Nowadays, I often turn off the lights before going to bed, lie in bed, and chat with my children. Just like when there was a power outage when we were children, we had gone our separate ways during the day, but at this moment we were close again, but there was no sense of home in the dark air. When Kerr first entered the kindergarten, she peed her pants twice. He is shy by nature and thinks this is a big deal. He is too embarrassed to see others and refuses to go to kindergarten again. We were not allowed to mention the word \”kindergarten three\” at home. I accidentally mentioned it, and he immediately ran up, covered my mouth with his hand and said, \”Mom, stop talking.\” He was able to urinate and defecate independently at home, but during that time he often had bowel movements at home. Although I didn\’t say anything, my heart was already filled with anxiety. It was the first time I encountered such a problem, and I didn\’t know how to eliminate his fear of kindergarten. One day the three of us lay down and the lights were turned off. I was chatting with the child\’s father, and I suddenly found that Kerr was listening. I had an idea and said: I remembered that when I was in kindergarten, I peed my pants once, and I didn’t dare to go to kindergarten the next day. After I finished speaking, I hinted to Ke\’er\’s father to answer. He immediately understood and said, \”Yes, I also peed my pants in kindergarten.\” In fact, Ke\’er\’s father and I were both rural children. At that time, there was no kindergarten anywhere, and it would be good to be able to enter school at the age of seven. Ke\’er\’s father continued: I was scared at the time, but I later learned that this is normal, and children will wet their pants in kindergarten. I went on to say: Yes, I went to school the next day and found out that my classmates had forgotten that I peed my pants, and they were already playing happily together. I couldn\’t see Kerr\’s expression, but I felt that he listened very seriously. The effect was unexpectedly good. Two days later, Ke\’er volunteered to go to kindergarten. This trick works very well. Now that my children are older, I use this trick often. When their children encounter difficulties, parents pretend to chat casually and make up a similar trouble. Children will have a feeling of, oh, so you are also so relaxed. Compared with reasoning one-on-one, children prefer to listen to the sidelines this way, without pressure. The night after we moved last year, the house was in a mess. After setting up the bed, we turned off the lights and lay down. I asked Kerr if she still remembered her old home? Kerr said he remembered it. We talked about moving several times, and Kerr actually remembered our first home. It was a simple rental house with only one room and a slippery floor. He had just learned to walk, and bags often fell on his head. Kerr lived in that house until he was almost two years old, before we moved. We recalled the hard days together. My sister said jealously, why have I never lived in that home? The three of us laughed loudly after hearing this, and my brother said: You silly sister, were you not there at that time?My sister asked again: Then where did I go? We were amused by her again. My sister said: I really want to live in that home. I asked why. My sister said, there is only one room, and I can see my mother when I turn around. In those hard days, with children as companions and precious childlike innocence, I actually didn’t feel bitter at the time. Today\’s fast-paced life makes it very hard for adults and very tiring for children. Although we all love each other deeply, the strange thing is that we fail to talk properly. Tired from work during the day, complicated housework, dealing with children\’s homework, and toys all over the floor, we have endless evil fire and uncontrollable anxiety. Only at the moment when the lights are turned off, all the hard work is put aside, the mind is calm, and talking with the child, even for ten minutes, is extremely precious. School is about to start, and the kids who have been playing crazy all summer don’t want to go to school anymore. In the two weeks before school is about to start, I often ask why I need to go to school and why I can’t always spend the summer vacation. This is a good question, but I don’t have a good answer. It happened that one day I saw an article that answered a child\’s question very well. I saved it and wanted to read it to my kids before going to bed at night. I turned off the lights and read on my phone. The moonlight came in and hit the bed. They listened quietly. The busy adults and naughty children who were busy during the day were all quiet at this moment. Just like when I had a power outage when I was a child, I gathered around candles, listened to my mother speak, and saw how beautiful my mother’s face was through the candlelight. Mom stopped what she was doing and just talked to us. Her voice was so gentle and everything she said sounded nice. The article is still a bit difficult, analyzing immediate happiness and long-term happiness after hard work. I think it would be great if my brother could understand, but I have no hope for my sister. Unexpectedly, my sister said excitedly: Mom, I understand it too. I asked: Oh, what does that mean? My sister said: It means that if the small class does not work hard, the middle class will be miserable. My sister, who will soon be in middle school, will summarize it. A dull political class ended with laughter again. Even though his brother sleeps in his own room now, he is still very rare. He chats for ten minutes before going to bed, and often comes over to sleep on weekends. After turning off the lights, the adults calm down, and the children can feel the seriousness of the adults. Maybe they are willing to say things they did not dare to say during the day and things they did not want to say at this moment. During the first week of school, my sister was not in a good state. I guessed that she was in some kind of trouble at school, but she didn\’t want to say it, or she couldn\’t formulate language to express it. Sometimes she squatted in a corner and had a lot of fun. I asked: What games did she play in the kindergarten today? My sister ignored her and asked again. She said sadly, \”Mom, don\’t ask.\” What could have happened to make a happy little girl become so sad? I observed it for a few days, and the more worried I became, the less I dared to ask questions. One night, I turned off the lights and lay down. I said something unhappy happened to my mother today with a colleague. She couldn\’t find her book and kept asking me. I didn\’t take hers. Do you think it was annoying or not? Of course, I made this up in order to resonate with her and let her know that adults are also troubled, and they also have unhappy things and unhappy people every day. The little sister was indeed interested. She turned around and asked, is she your good friend? I said, hey, that was the case in the past. Little sister is worriedSad to say, will good friends change? I said, some things will change, but your good friends have also changed? The little sister said: It has changed. His voice choked up after he finished speaking. I said: Oh, then how did she change? \”Xiaoyu used to have three braids, but now her hair is short. I don\’t even recognize her anymore. She didn\’t have black clothes before, but she wore black clothes yesterday. I hate black.\” After saying that, she buried her head in the pillow and cried. stand up. I couldn\’t help but laugh in my heart, it turned out to be this reason. I patted her back and encouraged her. After I finished speaking, my sister continued to sob and said: She was shorter than me when we held hands before, but now she is taller than me. Everything has changed about her. She is no longer my good friend. Then she hugged the pillow and cried again. What a lovely reason, what a childlike innocence. If the child hadn\’t told it, no one would have guessed that the child would be sad because his best friend changed his hairstyle. During this summer vacation, my sister often chanted Xiaoyu’s name. The night before school started, I was happy to say that I could see Xiao Yu. As soon as school started, Xiaoyu had grown taller, changed her hairstyle, and put on new clothes. This is too hard for my little sister to accept. She reviewed the avatars of Xiaoyu during the summer vacation. They were all Xiaoyu\’s appearance before her vacation. She had missed her best friend for two months, but suddenly she became a different person, which made her extremely sad. I said: Xiaoyu has not changed, he has grown up. You are also growing up, but you can’t feel it. Maybe Xiaoyu looks at you and you have changed too. You haven\’t changed, you\’ve just grown up for two months, and you\’re still good friends. My sister was relieved after hearing what I said. Sometimes the huge problems that have been suppressed in children can be solved by adults with just a few words. The difficulty is how to get the children to speak out. Life is not easy. During the day, we have to work hard to make a living, and at night we have to be a Buddhist mother. Peace and tranquility are all achieved by one person. Nowadays, power outages are rare. It would be great if we could cut off the power at home for 10 minutes every day before going to bed! Let go of your worries and worries, do nothing with your child in the dark, just talk, but it is like handing your child a bowl of fragrant chicken soup. When I was a child, I often felt that as long as my mother\’s mind was calm, the atmosphere at home would be different and the family would be closer. As long as mother stops, there will be more love in the home. As long as mother smiles, the home will light up.