Behind children’s desperate fight for toys, there’s a secret that most parents don’t know

I was talking to my friend Xiaomei on the phone that day, but before I could say a few words, she started yelling into the phone. After yelling like this for many times, Xiaomei anxiously said to me, \”The kids are quarreling again. I\’ll go first.\” Deal with it.\” Then he hung up the phone in a hurry. It was two hours later when she called again. As soon as the call was connected, Xiaomei apologized to me first, and then started to pour out her bitterness. The second child in the family has recently turned two years old. He has begun to have a sense of autonomy and the concept of property rights. Every toy he sees must be said to be \”mine\”. But her six-year-old sister wouldn\’t let her go, and the two often quarreled over toys. Either the second child pushed the bricks that the elder brother had worked so hard to build and wanted to build them again; or the elder child insisted on asking for the toys that the elder brother had taken and that he had played with when he was a child. Xiaomei coaxed and scolded her, but the battle for toys still happened every day at home. As a mother with three children, many people ask me whether it will be tiring to take her to bed, whether there will be a lot of housework, whether it will be hard to go out, etc. In fact, whether it is doing housework or taking people to and from school, as long as they are busy and tired, dealing with children grabbing toys is really a headache. Especially during the summer vacation, the battle for toys breaks out in minutes and takes place 24 hours a day. If grandma goes out to attend a party and only brings back a balloon, then this thing worth 20 cents can make the three little guys argue for half an hour. In the end, the eldest brother is angry, the second brother is crying, and the little sister is fussing. No one can be comforted. Or there is a very old toy at home that my eldest brother played with when he was a child. If I dig it out and give it to my younger brother or sister, my eldest brother will take it back unhappily. The eldest brother\’s precious Lego blocks and puzzles were often turned over by the two younger ones, which made the eldest brother very angry. Every time I finish an anxious toy dispute, I think to myself: At first I thought that if I gave my child a companion, I would gain a sense of brotherly love, or respect between brothers and sisters. Unexpectedly, this beautiful imagination was \”ruined\” by toys. Mothers of second-born children all know that one of the most common causes of quarrels between children in second-child families is fighting for toys. In the eyes of us adults, toys are ordinary things—just like bread machines and hair dryers at home—that everyone can share. But for children, toys have extraordinary meaning. Mr. Lu Xun has a famous saying: \”Games are the most legitimate behavior for children, and toys are children\’s angels.\” For young children, toys are more important than property – they are important props for children\’s self-expansion. Because children use toys to explore the world and build relationships with toys. For example, if you give a child a branch, it will be a sword with which he can transform into a pirate and sail across the ocean; if you give a child a bucket of building blocks, he can build an entire city, and he will be a heroic policeman and a brave firefighter at one moment. There is a saying in \”Toy Story\”: We will eventually grow up, but those good things will never disappear. A child\’s happiness depends on controlling something that is always close to him or her. He didn\’t want the beautiful feeling between him and the toy to be separated. When children are about two years old, they will go through a sensitive period of property rights awareness. Children during this period are almost unable to share toys with others. A two-year-old\’s philosophy is \”MyMine, everything is mine.\” When children get older, they sometimes project their relationship with their parents onto toys. Behind their reluctance to share toys is actually a desire for more attention and love from their parents. So When a child keeps saying that a toy is \”mine\”, it is not that he is selfish or deliberately angry with you, but that he needs to make sure that he can control and use the toy. To fundamentally solve the toy dispute between two children, here are A few tips. First of all, make it clear about the ownership of toys. Yes, you read that right, I said \”ownership\”. We always hope that children can safely share all the toys at home, but because of the toys mentioned above, The meaning of children is very special, so it is necessary to prepare some toys with clear property rights. Once the ownership of toys is clear, toys will no longer be a \”scarce\” resource. The child\’s sense of security will be greatly improved. When the sense of security is improved, They will not \”compete\” with their brothers and sisters all the time. Children with a high sense of security will naturally develop the ability to share as they grow older and their cognitive level increases. And they are always being forced Children who share toys, even if they grow up and have a lot of material things, are still unable to satisfy their inner child\’s sense of lack. Many people\’s problems such as hoarding, taking advantage, and being careless all come from this. In fact, , let the little owner of the toy decide how to use the toy. Whether the toy should be played in turns or not allowed to be played by others, such a decision needs to be made by the little owner of the toy. Even if we make other more reasonable suggestions, such as taking turns Play for 5 minutes, younger brothers and sisters play first, small guests who come to the house play first, etc. If we enforce it when the child is unwilling, it is actually destroying the child\’s sense of security and self-esteem. Moreover, if we arbitrarily If I control the use of toys according to my mood, the children will feel overwhelmed and will gradually learn to cry to increase their \”competition for toys\”. When I give children complete freedom to control their own toys, they will They will not take turns crying in front of me to increase their chances of getting the toy. On the contrary, they will try their best to \”negotiate\” with the child who has the toy. In addition, they will stay with the child who does not get the toy. Until he feels comfortable. Due to the second reason, sometimes one of the children cannot get the toys they want to play with. At this time, we parents must do a good job of accompanying the children and allow the children to cry and vent their emotions. We can give him some other toys to play with, or do other things with him, such as reading stories together, or simply holding him together for a while. Slowly, the child will understand that crying does not mean he can get toys. . But my parents love me very much, and they are willing to accompany me when I am sad. Finally, and the most important point is to guide the children to learn to communicate. For children, communication is not a matter of course. Especially for low-income children Children who receive toys will grab, hit, and cry when asking for toys, but they just can’t speak. We must not only encourage children to learn to communicate in the correct language, but also change their focus from “competition”\”Move to \”solving problems\”. For example, we can say this: \”Brother, I saw you reaching for your brother\’s building blocks. Do you want that building block? \”Brother, my brother seems to need that building block. Is there anything you can do to help him?\” \”What should two people do if they want to use the same building block? Let\’s help think of a solution together?\” \”The advantage of doing this is that it not only allows children to learn to communicate and express their emotions and requirements, but also cultivates children\’s self-confidence, impulse control and ability to delay gratification. In fact, under the guidance of parents, children can learn how to share toys , then when the child gets older and enters a more complex environment and faces various scarce resources, he will be more able to communicate with others to share resources and obtain help. The first step in the development of children\’s communication and coordination abilities in the future is How to share toys with playmates today. Our words and deeds convey our attitude towards children. If we treat children with respect, encouragement and understanding, and deal with various disputes between them, we are actually affecting children in a subtle way. So that the way he does things in the future will become more positive. The world of a child is often smaller than the world when he grows up. And the toys in his arms are his priceless treasures. I hope you and I can use love and positivity Rules and tolerance guide the competition for toys between the second children. In the future, not only will they gain two positive, independent, and responsible children, but they will also gain a warm sense of brotherhood.