What should I do if my child delays doing homework? It’s super helpful to spend 20 minutes doing something before reminding you

Sister: \”Your vacation balance is insufficient, hurry up and do your homework!\” Brother: \”The older you are, the less nervous you are about procrastinating on homework?\”… I couldn\’t help but laugh when I heard the conversation between the two siblings. Voice. Looking at the scene of two little heads buried together doing homework, I felt particularly happy at that moment. It\’s also the end of the National Day holiday, and my best friend has shed a lot of bitter tears. I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning on the last night, and the child finally finished his homework. My best friend said, \”Actually, my child doesn\’t have a lot of homework, but he just doesn\’t deal with me, stares, blows his nose, and doesn\’t cooperate at all.\” Usually when my children come home from school, my best friend always urges them to do their homework immediately. , but it has no effect at all. Every time, the child goes from before meals to after meals, and it is considered fast if he stays up until 9 o\’clock in the evening. The situation every day is basically the same: the child can’t move without being nudged, and will move when nudged. After listening to her description, I understood instantly. It\’s not that there\’s a problem with the child, or there\’s a problem with the homework, it\’s that there\’s a problem with the \”communication\” between them. A survey shows that the most annoying question for children is: \”Have you finished your homework?\” when your parents ask you when you come home from school every day. This sentence is as annoying as your husband asking you directly \”Is the meal ready?\” when he comes into the house. Because it sends a message to the children that parents care about homework more than they care about me. It’s not that children don’t like homework, but they don’t like our way of communication. In fact, if you can help your children develop a good habit and make them interested in homework, their dilly-dallying will be cured. And doing homework will become a pleasant thing. When my daughter was in kindergarten, a particularly wise teacher once said to me: Children go to school just like we go to work. They are also very hard. Moreover, when children leave their parents for a day, what they long for most when they come home is Parents\’ love. Later, every time my daughter came home from school, my husband and I did not rush to urge her to do her homework. Instead, we took 20 minutes to chat with our children. Ask her if she is tired or thirsty today; what interesting things happened in the class; has she learned anything interesting? If time permits, I will also have a small interaction with my daughter, for example, compare who has learned more new knowledge today, play a parent-child game, or tell the child one or two short stories. Occasionally, she will be given 10 minutes to watch an episode of her favorite cartoon. During the relaxed communication and games, the child felt that his parents valued him, and he felt relaxed. When the time came, he automatically started to do his homework. Some people say that the difference between children is often determined by the 20 minutes they spend entering home after school. If 20 minutes can rest the child\’s brain and make homework a pleasant thing, we might as well leave this time to the child. There is such a scene in the TV series \”Tiger Mom and Cat Dad\”. When Bi Shengnan returned home, he saw his daughter Sissi watching cartoons and urged her to do her homework without saying a word. Sissi cried and said, \”I don\’t want to do homework, I want to watch cartoons.\” Faced with her daughter\’s request, her mother did not explain it to her child, but said, \”Believe it or not, I will sell the TV at home.\” \”I begHate mother, bad mother. \”I hate mom, mom, please go away!\” The child\’s words made Bi Shengnan heartbroken. She didn\’t understand that she even quit her job for the sake of her child, but what she got in exchange was the child\’s \”dislike\”. Teacher Yin Jianli said: It is impossible for a person to hate one thing and do it well at the same time. She pointed out that children are not naturally averse to homework. The reason why some children later become disinclined to do homework is because their appetite for homework was spoiled by certain things during their schooling, especially in elementary school. In fact, it is indeed a frustrating thing to rush your children to do their homework as soon as they come home. What children resist is not homework, but the attitude of their parents. The famous American linguist Krashen pointed out that people\’s learning effect is greatly affected by the \”emotional filter\”. If a person is anxious and unconfident during the learning process, it will hinder language learning in the brain; if a person is confident and happy during the learning process, then the amount of language input will be large and the acceptance will be greater. powerful. How to communicate with children skillfully after school is actually a process of mobilizing emotional filters. From now on, we might as well try to communicate with our children as friends in a relaxed mood, gently and firmly, instead of arrogantly complaining and blaming our children. Our love for our children should be unconditional, rather than letting the children feel that you love homework more than you love me. If I can\’t do homework well, I am sorry for the sacrifice and love of my parents. Once this wrong understanding takes root in children\’s minds, they will be hostile to \”homework\” and think that homework takes away the love from their parents. When we communicate with our children, we are actually sending a signal to them that we care more about you than our homework. Only by letting children take the initiative to fall in love with homework can they write their homework well. Pulitzer Prize winner and Nobel Prize winner in physics Isidore Rabie said that most mothers will ask their children after they come home from school: \”Did you learn anything today?\” But his mother asked that year But it was: \”Rabbi, did you ask a good question today?\” Rabbi believed that it was his mother\’s words that allowed him to develop the good habit of \”actively thinking and discovering problems.\” Good communication with children can allow them to feel their parents\’ love, relax them, and guide them in a positive way to review the day\’s learning. Every child inherently wants to be recognized and seen. Sometimes, parents appropriately show some \”ignorance\” to make their children feel needed. This can actually stimulate their children\’s desire to learn and help them develop a good habit of actively doing homework. My mother never went to school for a day. She especially hoped that I could read well, but she never forced me to read or do homework. Even if I went crazy after school, she would just remind me to finish my homework. However, she would study a few Chinese characters with me every day without hesitation. At that time, most of my motivation for learning came from teaching my mother at home. Now think about it, the days of teaching my mother to read were actually the process of reviewing the knowledge points I had learned. Children feel that they are needed, which can make them more confident and motivate themThe potential to think proactively and complete assignments proactively. Letting children develop a habit of actively doing homework is a good way to solve it once and for all. On October 6, Haiqing posted on Weibo: \”I always thought Danniu was still learning addition and subtraction, but yesterday I accidentally read his homework on the plane, and I began to doubt life.\” Haiqing is in education When it comes to children, the approach adopted is to \”show weakness\”. \”I\’m not good at math and English and haven\’t studied physics and chemistry.\” \”I immediately recited the 38 newly learned Russian words loudly and fluently, but he opened his mouth and sang it all. I couldn\’t learn it even after listening to it a thousand times. The song of the Russian Lubeh band.\” In fact, Hai Qing was admitted to the Beijing Film Academy with the first place in the college entrance examination in cultural subjects, and can be said to be a \”super academic.\” The reason why she acted so \”mentally retarded\” in front of her son was because she wanted to weaken her role in a \”one-off-one\” way, so that the child could learn to manage himself, take the initiative to study, and do homework. Heteronomy is worse than self-discipline. Only by allowing children to develop the wings of self-discipline will they take a big step towards success. Teacher Yin Jianli said: A person must first be a free person before he can become a conscious person. Letting children develop a good homework habit is the first choice of smart parents. The disparity in children\’s intelligence is not that big. If we want our children to be one step ahead, it is better to work more on the details and spare 20 minutes after school. The change in your attitude and concept towards your child\’s homework may affect the child\’s life. When you have children in your eyes, the children\’s world will be bright.