Confessions of an Iron Man Mom: For the sake of my children, I chose to start a business

In order to better accompany my children, I chose to start a business. This sounds funny. Soon, I realized the experience of an entrepreneur: sometimes the road from home to the company is very long, so long that you will never reach it; sometimes it is so short, so short that you don’t expect it to arrive again. I was riding a bicycle in the morning and was thinking a lot. A retrograde electric bike took me past me very quickly. I fell heavily to the ground. It’s okay if you break it. Just don’t break your glasses. After touching the ground for a long time, I realized that I was wearing contact lenses today. It was a time when the pressure forced me to go out of my body. The camera zoomed back to ten years ago. In the early morning, I was walking through the dark streets. The aunt downstairs who buys late-night snacks always greets her warmly: Girl, it’s time to get off work. Once I sat down, my aunt brought a bowl of wontons and said: Girl, it’s not easy to be alone outside. Just like my mother\’s words, the cold winter nights have become so warm. But I never felt aggrieved, even if I had just been raped by an upstart boss during the day. This kind of life was my own choice. Youthful passion and solid skin are enough to ignore all moods. Somehow, after becoming a mother, I became pretentious. The same picture is often labeled with the word \”tragic\”, and the aura of greatness added out of thin air inadvertently amplifies the sadness and reduces the willingness. It\’s just a struggle for life, the essence is no different. Now I don’t want to miss my children’s growth, but at the same time I want to have something to do, just like I did 10 years ago, to try to satisfy my inner order. Compared with perseverance, I miss the solidity and sense of suddenness back then. That afternoon, I made an appointment with the agent in an office. The agent racked his brains with a smile and introduced the advantages. I said: This is the one, it’s settled. The younger brother suddenly became silent. He came back to his senses and said, \”Sister, don\’t look at anything else.\” I said: No need to read. The boy said cheerfully: I have never seen such cheerful customers. They looked at 7 or 8 stores and their legs were so thin that they couldn’t make a decision. I said: All the advantages are not worth the fact that it is close to my home. On the way home, I thought about the positioning I wanted: a small workshop with three or five people, small but beautiful. In short: to make a living and have something to do. In less than 2 hours, my life trajectory changed for the next few years. From then on, I lived a life of 5 in the morning and 5 in the evening. I have tasted the joy that I have never experienced in working for so many years. It feels so good to be at home from 5 to 7 pm, and the children are so happy. Of course, I also witnessed Shanghai at 5 o\’clock every morning. One day, I went to dinner with two girlfriends. They have been working women for many years, but when their children reached school age, they took a back seat and wandered in the ambiguous zone of part-time work + full-time mother. At the dinner table, they talked about where a new restaurant had opened and the color of their nails done yesterday. They are obviously panting just after crossing the food and clothing line, but they interpret the calmness and wind on the edge of financial freedom. This is my narrow interpretation. In their view, women should try their best to be kind to themselves, and therefore feel happy. For me, living like this is too difficult. I can’t be a full-time mother, and my children don’t need a stay-at-home mother who seems to be incompatible with her. The father is getting busier and busier at work. Not to mention the time at home, he doesn’t have much time in this city. Continuing the previous job, a trapeze artist, an overtime maniac, left to the old man\’s children andLeft-behind children are no different. There always has to be one person to share the family. There should be protests here: Why should women sacrifice themselves? Whose career is not the result of their own hard work? But when we get to this point, we realize that we are all ordinary people in this world. After sending my two children to school, I was alone in such a big house. I had never experienced that kind of emptiness. Sitting in a corner, I felt like the walls were closing in on me, as if I was being stared into by an abyss. I know that my world will only get smaller and smaller. Do I want to live like this in my next life? In recent years, family conditions have improved, and I thought I was no longer as desperate as before. In fact, I misunderstood. I need to work, not be forced to do it. Running for life is the norm, no matter what age I am. Is there always an illusion that after a woman gives birth to a child, she should surrender to life? After thinking about it, I am not busy because of my children. If I didn\’t have children, I wouldn\’t use the time I take care of my children to sleep. I must fill it up with other things. Even if you don\’t have children, you will definitely have other pursuits and more desires, which is not without difficulty. Being busy is not a state exclusive to mothers. It’s just that after becoming a mother, the content of busyness has changed and the chapter of children has been added. When the whole society is denouncing widowed marriage, but cannot change the status quo, it can only rely on excessive publicity of emotions. In fact, saying more is useless and only increases sensitivity. Hardship itself is not worthy of praise, and emotions are even less worthy. What is worthy of praise is the courage and wisdom in facing hardships. I used to work hard, but I have never experienced another kind of difficulty: enduring the huge unknown and uncertainty. One weekend, my father was at home and I worked late at the company. I got on the last bus, and there were only a few people there. I leaned against the window and looked at the neon lights on the rainy night, looming, and there was a hint of coldness in the splendor. Thinking about the difficulties, the future of the company, and my children, I gradually shed tears. After getting off the bus, I sat in a pavilion on the side of the road. I felt like my heart was completely hollowed out, I had no energy at all, and I just sat there blankly. I don’t know how long it took, but the baby’s father came over and said anxiously: I didn’t answer my phone calls. You sit here alone. It’s scary or not. I’m going home soon. I couldn\’t care less and walked into the rain alone. He followed, shouting: If it\’s too difficult, just quit, and the money will be wasted. No matter how difficult it is, it’s okay. After a good sleep, I set off on my bicycle lightly the next morning. I\’m not sure that life will get better after gritting my teeth. Maybe I just have to grit my teeth all the time. When you can\’t hold on any longer, there is another way to hold on. And I would rather bear the pressure than the emptiness. You have to be kind to yourself first before you have the confidence to be kind to yourself. This was my obsession when I was young. It turns out that it has never changed since I became a mother. We are cuter if our original intentions are not changed by life. Every age is a beginning. Don’t surrender early and be defeated by life. So, after weighing it all, I still don\’t want to give up my stubbornness and am willing to be a strong mother, so that I can still love myself. Back to 10 years ago, I left the small town in the south of the Yangtze River, ended my life of eating, sleeping and playing beans. Carrying a schoolbag and resume, I came to Shanghai and hit a wall. A kind-hearted person said: XiaoGirl, if you were my sister, I would let you go back and you would suffer a lot here. Sure enough, everything that happened later confirmed that what he said was absolutely correct. Looking back, it’s not our children who make us miserable, life is just like that. If you want to be an iron mother now, then be a solid iron mother instead of a tragic and sad one. To love your children, love yourself even more.