You say you love your children, but in fact you have disliked them ten thousand times

If you are asked: \”Do you love your child?\” I believe every mother will answer without hesitation: \”Love!\” If you are asked again: \”Do you dislike your child?\” Many mothers may hesitate: \”How could it be?\” \”Really not?\” I want to tell two stories. A few years ago, I participated in a parent-child activity organized by an organization. The teacher took more than ten children to play games. Although it was the first time for the children to meet, they quickly became familiar with each other and had fun and laughed. However, there was a girl outside the venue, clinging to her mother\’s side and refusing to join. The girl looked like she had just entered elementary school. Her expression was timid, her eyes were focused on the activities on the field, but her body was pressed tightly against her mother. No matter how many teachers persuaded her, she would not leave her mother. It was clear that the little girl didn\’t feel safe enough to leave her mother and explore the outside world – even though she was already in elementary school. At this time, my mother’s reaction is worth pondering. At the beginning, she was also kind and persuasive. After persuading her for a while, she found that this method didn\’t work, and her child was the only one in the audience to be so \”stage frightened\”. It also attracted the attention of teachers and other parents, and the mother became a little irritated. She kept avoiding the child, walked to the side, and yelled in a low voice: \”Don\’t follow me! If you don\’t want to play, just stay alone. I don\’t want to be with timid children!\” Seeing her mother say this, the little girl was even more excited. Nervous, she cried silently and held on to her mother\’s clothes tightly. When her mother saw this, she became even more irritated and pulled her hand away: \”Don\’t come so close to me!\” The little girl didn\’t dare to get close to her mother anymore and hid behind her mother, gently pulling her mother\’s backpack with her little hands. At this moment, she didn\’t see the children having fun on the field anymore. All her attention was focused on her mother, never leaving her mother. The mother looked helpless, half scolding the child, and half explaining to others: \”This child has been born since he was a child, and he doesn\’t know who he will follow.\” In fact, \”others\” can see clearly: the child does not follow anyone when he is born. , the root cause lies precisely in my mother. The mother didn\’t realize that the child\’s timidity was precisely because he felt her disgust – her disgusting words, disgusting expressions, and disgusting movements made the child even more afraid to leave her mother. She must stick close to her mother to ensure that her mother will not really leave her – unfortunately, this will only make her mother dislike her even more. There is also a kind of \”dislike\”, which is more subtle. At a parent-child salon, it was the turn of an aunt in her 50s to speak. Auntie has a gentle face and speaks unhurriedly. Her daughter is 26 years old. She has been a child of someone else\’s family since she was a child. She is obedient and sensible, studies well, and has good talents. She has won prizes in various competitions and has been admitted to a good employer after graduation. Logically speaking, it should be a worry-free thing for parents, but in recent years, my mother has become more and more worried about her daughter\’s changes. My daughter stays at home after work and stays in her room watching TV shows, becoming increasingly withdrawn. He seldom communicates with his family and gets into arguments if he talks too much. I have dated several boyfriends, but I feel they are not suitable, and I am not in a hurry to talk anymore. I still want to resign. When I asked her what she was doing after resigning, she couldn\’t explain why. She just didn\’t want to go to work… The aunt talked a lot. After the teacher asked her several questions, she more or less understood where the problem was.——This mother disciplines her children too strictly, but only uses a seemingly gentle way. \”Gentle strangulation\” leads to the shrinking of children\’s vitality and blind rebellion. The teacher tried to make the mother understand what the problem was, and everyone nodded in agreement. After listening to this, the mother still said: What level has my daughter taken in piano since she was a child, and what awards has she won in violin? of the past. The words of two people are like two parallel lines that can never intersect. It makes people feel: This mother has been living in her own mind, living in the glory of her daughter. She couldn\’t accept her daughter\’s current situation, and she couldn\’t accept having such an autistic, trapped, and bad daughter. When she came to the parent-child salon, she still hoped that the teacher could help her change her daughter. She did not realize at all that it was her seemingly gentle force that strangled her daughter\’s vitality. It cannot be said that this mother does not love her daughter. It seems that she is worried about her daughter. But what she loves more is herself and her own face. Her daughter has become like this, but she has been immersed in her daughter\’s excellent past and cannot extricate herself. What she never forgets is her pride as a mother of an excellent daughter, the envy of others, and her own happiness. She simply couldn\’t accept having a daughter in trouble, so she couldn\’t see the difficulties in her daughter\’s life, let alone her own problems. On the surface, there is worried love, but behind it is the disgust of \”how could you do this?\” When their children behave well, most mothers can be gentle and patient, and be kind to their children and filial to their children. However, when something goes wrong with a child, it is the time that mothers are put to the test. When a child\’s performance is not satisfactory, it is the moment when the mother\’s understanding and support are most needed. However, many mothers have already been overwhelmed by a huge sense of \”shame\” at this time and feel that their children have embarrassed them. Subconsciously, you will \”draw a clear line\” with your child – or escape and stay away from your child: I don\’t want to deal with your behavior, and you and I are not the same. Either stand on the side of everyone and reprimand the child: Show everyone that it’s not my inaction, it’s not my problem, it’s the child’s own problem. Prove your innocence by despising your children. Some people may say that some women are motivated by vanity and selfishness, so they love face more than their children. I think it\’s because I\’m not smart enough. It\’s the hearts of these mothers that haven\’t grown up yet. Even though they already have children, many women still have a little girl inside who has not grown up and needs care. This little girl lacks enough strength and self-confidence. She cares very much about other people\’s evaluations and longs for others\’ approval – she doesn\’t support herself enough, so how can she give support to her children? She even despises herself. If your heart is not strong enough, you will not be able to accept and control all kinds of changes. Therefore, it is best for everything in the outside world to go according to your own wishes, otherwise you will be confused and resentful. Many things in the heart are not straightened out, so they will pay special attention to those superficial things and care about the evaluation of the outside world to satisfy their ego\’s vanity. We often see reports that when a child encounters a critical situation, the mother fightsHe risked his life to save the child. We praise the greatness and selflessness of maternal love. However, in more ordinary days, in some inconspicuous and small moments, when the child is silently calling for help, can we hear the child\’s \”call\” and \”rescue\” the child? It is the mother who is \”indifferent\” and even \”adds insult to injury\” time and time again, which makes the child feel hopeless and abandoned. To lend a helping hand in a critical moment is a test of courage. In ordinary days, being able to see a child\’s plight and offer a helping hand is a test of wisdom. When your child is in trouble, you can stand by your child\’s side, support him, provide help, and face it with him. How to have wisdom? There is no other way than to learn and grow. Through learning, we can learn more about children’s inner needs and understand the deep motivations behind their actions. How to grow? Just focus on one thing, be more aware, reflect more, and let the inner energy flow smoothly. Only by learning and growing can the child in your heart become stronger and have the strength to love yourself and your children. Only then can love become more profound and heavy – love your children and yourself as they are, instead of only loving your children\’s superficial excellence or your own superficial glory. At that time, you will say this from the bottom of your heart: My child, no matter what happens to you, I will always be by your side. ——This is also what every child wants to hear most.