Does parental anxiety have a big impact? It comes from not believing that your child is an ordinary person

During this period of time, I disappeared from the circle of friends, and my articles were rarely updated. When people asked me about it, the reason was that I was doing homework with my baby. The midterm exam is a watershed, which makes us who were originally calm start to become anxious. I originally wanted to explain to the teacher on my child\’s behalf that \”the child may still be uncomfortable because he has not learned in advance, but he will get better over time.\” As a result, the teacher replied with one sentence: \”There are many children in the class who have never been to kindergarten, and their grades are now good.\” The meaning is obvious: if you don\’t study well, don\’t always be subjective and don\’t work hard, look for the reasons objectively . How to do it? What else can be done? Parents come forward and the children catch up. There is no need to talk about the rest. During this period of time, as soon as I get home, I don’t do anything else, and my main focus is on doing homework with my children. After studying for a period of time, I feel that my child has made great progress. He writes more seriously, can spell pinyin better, and can do arithmetic faster… Before he could breathe a sigh of relief, he was hit continuously. In the unit test, the child\’s performance was still not satisfactory. When I got home and saw that my child was not serious, I couldn\’t help but get angry. After getting angry, I felt a little regretful. In fact, the child was already very tired from studying, but I was still not satisfied. How can I be satisfied? It\’s very simple: if you catch up with your grades, even if you don\’t take the first place in the exam, you can always be in the top few. Is this too demanding? I soon discovered that this was a tall order for a child. I went to visit the museum that day. A group of children gathered around the docent to watch and listen carefully. I followed slowly behind. As a result, I saw two children coming out of the queue hand in hand. Instead of running around, they rushed to the front of the queue and watched the introduction of the cultural relics by themselves. The two children, who had just entered the first grade, read every sentence fluently. They quickly finished reading the introduction of one cultural relic. They discussed a few words and then moved on to the next cultural relic. And these two are not the only children in the class who can read on their own like this. Look at my child again. When I ask her to read extracurricular reading every day, she spells the pinyin word by word and reads the word word by word. After reading the whole text, she sighs and says, \”Mom, please read it again.\” Let me read it again. What is it about? At this time, besides going crazy, what else can I do? The child is surrounded by a group of classmates, some of whom can read proficiently, some who can speak English proficiently, and some who can do quick verbal arithmetic. In every aspect, she has a gap. With such a huge gap, how likely is it for her to catch up quickly? But we still don\’t want to admit that it will take a long time for her to catch up with other classmates. We always think that as long as we parents keep up and study more every day, she will catch up soon. She is not stupid and can\’t catch up. No reason to come? I analyzed our respective learning experiences with my child and her father. It was not difficult for us to study at that time, and the child should be fine, but she shouldn’t be unable to learn well! However, we gradually discovered that we had to accept a reality: our child is just an ordinary child without any superhuman talents. When he started late, he would have to go through a long and difficult period before he could succeed. Slowly catching up with her classmates. Those students who ran early did not stop and wait for you.It means that if you want to catch up, you have to run faster and persevere. Why do I become anxious about my child\’s studies? A large part of the reason is that I don\’t want to admit my child\’s academic performance, and I don\’t want to admit that she is an ordinary child. I always say in my heart that she hasn\’t looked stupid since she was a child, and she is very good when she is not studying. You shouldn’t study poorly! A while ago, there was a very popular article called \”My scumbag son, I believe you are here to repay a favor.\” The author said that she and her husband both graduated from prestigious universities, their children have PhDs from prestigious universities, and she also has a master\’s degree in 985. They adhered to the principle of eugenics and nurturing, and their children looked smart when they were born, but only in studies, the children worked very hard, but their results were not ideal. She tried every means and finally accepted this fact. The reason why this article went viral on the Internet is probably because it aroused strong resonance among many parents. It turns out that it does not take a combination of top students to give birth to top students, and it does not take scientific parenting to cultivate top students. In addition to anxiety, we We should see the child\’s strengths and accept the fact that he is not outstanding in studies. The truth is clear, but it is difficult to accept it. A few years ago, a friend’s child failed to get into a local high school, so he tried his best to send his child to a high school in other places. From then on, the child could only go home once a month for three years in high school, but even so, he insisted on letting him go. Children go and read. When asked why, he said that he and his wife both graduated from college and they could not accept that their children could not go to college. In the past three years, they spent less time together and separated more. When they graduated from high school, the child lost a lot of weight. In the end, the child still failed to get into an undergraduate school and barely got into a junior college. He felt that it was too difficult to find a job after graduating from junior college. His son had not yet started college, so he discussed with his son about repeating his studies. As a result, the child said, \”I\’m too tired and don\’t want to study anymore. I want to make the decision on my own as to how I will go in the future.\” I couldn\’t persuade my son to go to high school for another year. He was depressed for a long time. Until last year, the child Successfully upgraded from junior college to bachelor\’s degree. Every pair of parents hopes that their children will succeed and their daughters will succeed. Even if they are heartbroken by childishness and even if they lose more than ten years of spare time, they still force their children to study hard. The same is true for each of us. We are always anxious. To a large extent, we cannot accept that our child is an ordinary person. Others can do it, so why can’t he? We desperately want to prove that our children can do it, which invisibly puts a lot of pressure on them, and the results may not be satisfactory. On the road to education, we have no retreat. We can only do our best to help our children move forward. Finally, I would like to advise myself: worry less and work harder!