I almost personally forced my child to become tired of studying. What should I do if my child is tired of studying?

In the past few years, I have come across many cases of people who are tired of studying and have written some related articles. I deeply know that the reason why children are tired of studying has a lot to do with parents’ anxiety and pressure. Yes I know. But this is the \”knowing\” of the mind. When I watched my child, in less than two months, go from actively writing homework to procrastinating and not wanting to write, and becoming resistant to learning, I deeply \”experienced\” the anxiety of parents. What impact will it have on the children? This matter will start from the beginning of this semester. Chengzi will enter fifth grade in September this year. During the summer vacation, after chatting with parents in Haidian and Xicheng, I felt a little uneasy. So, on the way to the first day of school, I had a very serious conversation with Cheng Zi, to the effect that: from the first grade to the fourth grade, we try to create conditions for you to play more, and you have been playing for four years. Fifth grade is a very critical year. You have to be mentally prepared, put more pressure on yourself, etc. Orange also nodded in agreement. I feel that I have done a good job in ideological work. Chengzi is a relatively worry-free child. The principles are explained clearly and the stakes are clearly explained. Next, he should know how to work hard. But it didn\’t take long for me to discover that things were not that simple. Chengzi\’s English grammar is relatively weak. This semester I enrolled Chengzi in an extracurricular English class, which was much more difficult than what I learned at school. Chengzi couldn\’t understand it at all at first, and didn\’t know many knowledge points that he should know. Orange\’s father always made him angry when he tutored him. For nearly two months, after Chengzi finished his school homework in the evening, he also had to do Mathematical Olympiad homework and make up for his progress in English extracurricular classes. I\’m almost done with my homework, and it\’s almost time to go to bed. I can\’t play for 20 minutes every night. In addition to half a day for homework, I also had to attend two interest classes on weekends, which suddenly made me feel nervous. At that time, Chengzi was wilting, feeling like he was always struggling to cope. We looked at the appearance of the oranges and the clean Mathematical Olympiad homework books, and we also held back our resentment – you have been playing for four years, you should be satisfied, and you should study hard. Look at whose children are as relaxed as yours. Which ones are not enrolled in a bunch of extracurricular classes? You were just too relaxed before, and you couldn\’t stand being a little nervous. …When I think about it this way, I lose a lot of patience and become displeased with it. During that time, several times, I saw Chengzi playing and asked him if he had finished his homework. Orange said: Not yet. If you haven’t finished your homework, why don’t you hurry up and start writing it. I urged him, but I was a little surprised. From the first grade to the fourth grade, Cheng Zi never worried about homework. She basically did her homework first when she got home, and even took the time to do her homework during recess. He is more pretentious about homework than we are. But now, we actually need to urge him to do his homework. After this happened two or three times, I felt something was wrong. One day, I had a chat with Chengzi. It turned out that Chengzi felt that even after finishing school homework, including Mathematical Olympiad and English homework, the homework felt endless and endless. After finally finishing the homework, there was no time to play. It\’s better to steal the time and play for a while. If you can play for a while, it\’s a while, and if you can make a little, it\’s a little. Orange said: \”I haveI took the time to do my homework at school. During the break, I wanted to do the homework for the English extracurricular class, but when I saw the questions above, I didn’t know how to do it, and there were so many, I became very irritated…\” he said As I looked at Chengzi, the circles under his eyes were red. I couldn\’t help hugging Chengzi, and I felt very uncomfortable. In the past few years since my child was in elementary school, I have always tried to be open-minded and calm, and tried my best to resist the pressure of the environment for Chengzi, so that he could I had a carefree childhood. However, as the primary school entrance exam got closer and closer, I couldn’t help but become anxious. When I became anxious, I transferred the stress to my child. However, my child has worked very hard. He is a A sensible child, he knew intellectually that he had to study hard. However, the sudden increase in academic pressure and our pressure broke his own rhythm and made him subconsciously want to escape from this life where study is all about study. Life is very important to him For me, it has become boring, dull, and boring… I thought about this matter carefully. The reason why I am anxious is because I see many children who are better than my children. Not only outstanding, but also diligent. Not only diligent , the psychological quality is not bad, and the ability to withstand stress is strong. Such a comparison gives rise to a lot of anxiety – why can\’t you be like them? However, Cheng Zi\’s reaction forced me to face the reality – my child, he has The way he is. Cheng Zi is a somewhat sensitive child. He follows discipline and knows how to make progress. He does not need a heavy hammer to play the drum. He does not like an environment that is too severe and strict. In the past few years, we have been creating an environment of acceptance. , try to let his vitality stretch out. However, if too much pressure is put on him because of learning, the vitality he finally stretched out may shrink back. I asked myself, if I am in a happy, physical and mental When choosing between a healthy child and a child who studies well and seems successful, but is full of anxiety and fear, which one would I choose? I would rather choose the former. I accept that my child is just an ordinary, qualified child. As long as an average person can be himself happily. Besides, I believe Chengzi has his own potential and his own destiny, and he won\’t be far behind. It\’s my own anxiety and fear that are causing the problem. Under competition and pressure, I forgot my original intention. After thinking about this clearly, my anxiety reduced a lot. We held a family meeting to discuss how to arrange study and play time. The result of the discussion was to reduce weekends In an extracurricular class, in addition to school homework that must be completed, the amount of extracurricular homework is reduced, reading is 20 minutes a day, and the prescribed actions are completed, and the remaining time is arranged by Chengzi himself. By doing this, Chengzi can basically do it every night There is one hour of free time. You can play for a day and a half on weekends. We will try to take him to outdoor activities – it is said that children should spend two or three hours outdoors every day, which is good for physical and mental development and vision. Everyone They all felt a lot more relaxed. Chengzi returned to his previous state – inner stability, happiness, and confidence. The procrastination of not wanting to do homework never happened again. One weekend, Chengzi\’s father told him to finish his homework and do it. After the housework is done, you take care of the rest of the timeArrange, our time is all yours, we will go wherever you want to play. You can\’t even imagine how efficient Chengzi was in doing homework and housework that day, and he did it with great enthusiasm. In this state, something happened a few days ago that deeply touched me and strengthened my belief. Last weekend, during family activity time after dinner, Chengzi suggested that everyone paint together. OK. We cooperate actively. The walls of my kitchen are covered with pure white tiles, and I designated an entire wall for Orange to paint on. I drew a cat that looked like a tiger, and Cheng Zi’s father drew a head portrait of Cheng Zi (except for the hair, nothing else looked like him). After Cheng Zi painted his best picture of lotus and lotus leaves, he was so inspired that he wanted to draw a plum blossom. Orchid, bamboo and chrysanthemum. Chengzi\’s father and I sneaked out when we saw nothing to do, leaving Chengzi alone in the kitchen to create. We stayed in the bedroom and couldn\’t hear anything from the kitchen for a long time. Orange\’s father wanted to take a look at the situation and support him, but he was turned away by the child, saying that he could not enter because it was not completed yet. After a while, Chengzi announced: OK, you can come and visit. When we went in and took a look, we couldn\’t help but wow. Children are so good at playing. He painted bamboo, plum, pine, chrysanthemum, lotus, and willow on an entire wall. He also wrote poems under each painting. I scanned those poems briefly and couldn\’t believe it: You wrote all these poems? yes. The characters are written like dragons and phoenixes, quite in the bold style of the ancients, and it\’s really hard to read. Under the guidance of Orange Poet, I read it sentence by sentence. While reading, I sighed in my heart: What a little head this is! What is hidden in this little head! How did you come up with these sentences? It was really beyond my expectation. I praised Orange very much. Really, I think Chengzi is better than me. When I was his age, I never thought about writing poetry. I took photos of these poems and paintings one by one and saved them. Of course, I couldn’t help but post them to my friends circle to show them off. This incident made me feel very emotional: If you blindly force your children to study and immerse themselves in a mountain of books and a sea of ​​topics, how will they have the time and mood to write poems and paintings? During the creative process, he sketches lines, considers words, and immerses himself in his own world. Isn\’t this invisibly cultivating creativity, concentration, and the ability to express words? Through creation, he gained a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. Aren’t these beneficial to his inner self-construction? These abilities and beliefs have a more profound impact on children, and at the same time, they are also transferred to children\’s learning in a subtle way. (About the transfer of abilities, you can read this article \”Children are tired of studying and procrastinate in homework? Most parents ignore this matter\”) I am very lucky because I have been learning and have been aware of it, so I am tired of studying. The problem just started to appear, and we discovered it in time and reversed it. A short poem written by Orange. According to Orange Poet, there are various forms of three-character, four-character, five-character, six-character, and seven-character sentences. I know that I am just a very ordinary mother, and I will inevitably be affected by the environment. After this wave of anxiety has passed, I will inevitably feel anxious again in the future. This is my homework. What I can do is try my best to adjust myself and not pass my anxiety to my children. At the same time, think clearlyWhat do you really want? Remind yourself of your original intention of raising your child – to let him be himself happily. Because your child is not a blank piece of paper on which you can draw your ideal blueprint. A child is a seed, and his talent and character are already contained in the seed\’s genes. What parents have to do is to give their children some respect for their nature and some awe for life. Give it time to grow up slowly; give it space to stretch out; give it care so that its roots can take root deeper and more firmly. Because you can\’t even imagine what gorgeous flowers this seed will bloom, what rich fruits it will bear, and what kind of towering tree it will grow into.