What is it that makes you so hard on your children?

In our time, the most indispensable thing is anxiety. If you go to any street and hug someone, you can get a lot of hugs. And it often follows us as parents, waiting for an opportunity to sneak in. Schools and training institutions form their base camps. Their traces can also be vaguely felt in mothers\’ homes. A few days ago, I heard two mothers talking about their children in the community. \”My child started learning English when he was 3 years old, and his vocabulary is pretty good.\” \”Ah! He started learning English when he was 3 years old. No wonder, my child is now 6 years old and still can\’t remember a few words. What should I do?\” Go to kindergarten. Attend parent-teacher conferences. The principal said innocently, \”Parents! We don\’t want to give the children in the big class homework related to the transition from kindergarten to primary school. The teachers are already very tired because the courses are already full. But we have to do this. We If we don\’t do this, there will be no children in the senior class, and they will all go to kindergarten. We also have to survive, and we are all forced by you parents.\” After the meeting, everything went as usual, homework was done as usual, and anxiety always won in the end . So there are more and more training classes, and children have less and less time to play on weekends. It seems that if children are not taught, they will fall behind. What exactly is forcing parents? I still remember a very popular article called \”If you don\’t force your children to learn the 72 changes today, who will bear the 81 hardships on their behalf in the future?\” Just reading the title can make you feel anxious but eager to give it a try. This article is not about Sun Wukong’s apprenticeship, but about forcing children to become talented. The article focuses on playing the violin. It is an example of the guest playing the violin in the program \”Longing for Life\”. The author said that Master Lu Siqing is a world-class player. And what about actor Wang Xun? The article said that when he saw Master Lu playing the piano, \”there were even tears in his eyes. His tears were partly moved by the sound of the piano, partly envious, and partly because he felt sorry for himself.\” Wang Xun Whether we think so, we don’t know. It\’s just that he lamented in the show, saying that he regretted not persevering back then. It would have been nice to have persisted at that time, at least it was a specialty. Wang Xun\’s emotion is very true. A line appeared on the subtitles at the end of the program: Why didn\’t anyone force me to do it? When we were children, it was always difficult for us to predict things in advance. Parents\’ pressure may be harsh, but it makes us become better versions of ourselves. I was talking about this with my friends at the time. I think the program overemphasizes the word \”force\” and ignores the children\’s own strengths. For example, Wang Xun, I think his movies are very good. Why does he want to play piano with Master Lu? You know, that\’s their specialty. If you use your shortcomings to compete with other people\’s strengths, you will only feel inferior and ashamed. Therefore, I have always felt that there are always unconscious stages and difficult processes in a child\’s learning journey, and they do have to be pushed through. But don\’t compare him with other children, don\’t get it wrong. What is it that makes us so obsessed with our children? If you ask any parent, do you love your child? The answer is definitely love it very much! I would even sacrifice my life for my children. But why do you pick up the clothes to dry just because the child can\’t do the questions?Should he be whipped down hard or speak harshly? Why do you beat and scold your children just because they don’t do well in exams? When you are forcing your child to fly. Have you ever considered whether I can fly myself? Have you looked to see if the wind is blowing? The only person who can truly help us get rid of anxiety is ourselves. Because I think anxiety comes from comparison and from inner fear. When your heart is strong enough and you have your own persistence, anxiety will be replaced by calmness. Many parents, in addition to looking at their own children, are always looking at other children. As soon as I find out that other children have excellent performance, I immediately become anxious, for fear that my own child will fall behind. A mother asked me, Fish Dad, do you feel anxious? Of course I do. For example, in the class group, every weekend the children complete the review of the teacher\’s teaching content. When it comes to the English session, you can see some children completing conversations fluently without script. And the little fish is like a saw. I will also be anxious. But later I realized there was no point in being anxious. I can only read it over and over again with him. Break up the sentences and do them one by one, then sentence by sentence. Once, my mother asked how the task was completed. I just casually said, \”I can\’t even read a sentence. I\’m so weak! All those children can read it.\” Oh my god! I saw tears welling up in his eyes. Subconsciously I felt I was wrong. Stop it now. After thinking for a few seconds, he said to him: \”Dad just thinks that you are weak today. It does not mean that you will always be weak. I thought about it again. Those children who can hide behind the story are at least two years older than you. I think You work hard for two years, no! It doesn\’t take two years, you will definitely reach this level, I believe in you!\” I watched his expression relax a little bit. The tears that accumulated in his eyes flowed down his face. He waved his tears away and listened to me. \”So, you should think it is right if your father usually asks you to study seriously. The teacher will teach you, and your parents will teach you. If you study hard and accumulate day by day, you will become more powerful. If you are still at this level when you are 10 years old , you will still cry, but you still have a chance to learn; if you are still at this level when you are 20 years old, then I don’t think you can cry anymore.\” \”What about 30 years old!\” I knew he was alluding to someone as old as me. when. \”If I don\’t know how to do it when I\’m my father\’s age, I think I will regret it. I regret not studying hard at the beginning. Because childhood is the best learning stage, memory is better, and there are special schools and classes for learning.\” At this time, he Already completely relieved. And I was quite nervous. Fortunately, I did not rush to criticize him, but had a good chat with him for so long. And it can make him happily accept \”I still have the opportunity to study hard! Then I will work hard.\” When a child has such a driving force in his heart. I think he will be more disciplined when studying. Sure enough, my attitude towards learning English changed completely. The above is how I \”force\” my children. While doing this, I also need to give myself some space to relax. At this time, I feel a bit like Ah Q’s spirit. There is another little way that makes me feel much more relaxed. I simply stopped looking at other children’s. Just look at whether he has made progress, has he worked hard? Just let him work on his own basisMake some progress and work harder. Finally being himself, that\’s enough. Instead of looking at the heights of this mountain and learning everything, in the end, no one is proficient in anything. Moreover, if you think about it, you can recite his poems after just reading them a few times, and you can easily practice math exercises. And I also love reading, which has many advantages! Maybe he will be good at these fields in the future. Once your concept changes like this, you won\’t be so entangled anymore. This is why I often ask mothers to see more of their children’s strengths and not always focus on their children’s shortcomings. Once positive behavior occurs, encourage him to continue to work hard and reinforce it. As for bad behaviors, we can do more and talk less, and help our children to service and correct them. When you have the right idea about your child, you won\’t have to worry about it anymore. And the child will not be forced to feel uncomfortable by you. As a parent, you should always reflect on your parenting methods. Because there is no turning back when raising children. We cannot raise our children again when they grow up. And every child is different, so there is no fixed formula. So remember your original intention, be persistent, and don\’t blindly follow the trend. Choose appropriate books and interest classes for your child based on his or her characteristics. I think anxiety itself is okay, it is also an emotion. It\’s just that when we over-emphasize it and our hearts become weak and shrouded in anxiety, there will be problems.