As long as you are judgmental towards your child, he will shut down

The deepest love is not judgment, nor correction, but integration. If you judge a child, he will shut down. There is a new girl born in the 1990s in the office of Insight. Probably in order to become popular in the short term, her mouth is like honey every day. When she sees me, she praises: \”Sister Yue, You are so beautiful today!\” \”Sister Yue, your clothes are so beautiful!\” \”Sister Yue, you look great in sportswear.\” Sometimes she really can\’t hold back any nice words, so she just stands up and down in front of me. Looking at it, I muttered: \”What about this outfit today…\” I don\’t know why, but I felt very unhappy. Even though she was praising me, I still felt like I was being analyzed or even violated. It seems that if I don’t dress more carefully next time, I won’t be able to resist her judgment, so I, who always dress casually, become nervous when I see her. Yue Bao and I agree on this. One time, Yue Bao was reading a storybook, and I watched from the side. I saw that she occasionally encountered a few new words, and instead of spelling them out according to pinyin, she skipped them directly or made up a few sentences casually. I told her, you have to read the words according to the characters. If you don’t know the words, just spell them according to the pinyin. At first, she could still do what I asked her to do, but gradually she lost her patience and started making up random things again. However, she has no patience, but I do! So whenever she skipped a word, I pulled her back and asked her to insist on spelling out Pinyin, practice Pinyin, recognize Chinese characters, and tell stories. Isn\’t this killing three birds with one stone? She finally read it word by word, but her interest obviously lost a lot. Finally, she closed the book and said to me seriously: \”Mom, I feel very nervous when you are next to me. I don\’t want to read at all now.\” I sat next to the closed storybook for a long time, wondering what happened? I didn\’t say Yue Bao didn\’t read well. I didn\’t correct her. I have been listening patiently, why did I disturb her elegance? I asked Dad Yue to comment, and he said, \”You haven\’t corrected me yet?\” You keep making comments beside you. The child is originally focused on the storyline, but you keep asking her to pay attention to the pronunciation. Of course the child is not happy. It dawned on me, and I finally realized that I was just like the little post-90s generation in the office. Although I had been trying to fit in with the other person, I had never entered the other person\’s world. Therefore, the comments made are completely different from the other party\’s original intention. Apart from disturbing other people\’s state of mind, they have no good effect at all! Everyone loves to judge, but judgment is a kind of rational logical reasoning, not a kind of emotional empathy and love. We\’ve all had this experience. When we encounter something and are very angry and complain to our family members, if they help us analyze right and wrong very rationally, it will make us even more angry. Because what we want is not analysis, comment, or comfort, but a deep understanding! We need each other to stand with us, to be angry with me, to love what I am to love, to feel what I am feeling. This is true acceptance and resonance. But the comments keep us far apart. You are so rational and have not entered my feelings. You stand on the opposite side of me, but not by my side. I often hear parents say that when I educate my childrenWhen he was young, his eyes showed disdain and irritability, and he resisted with unruly and silence. This reminds me of a saying: \”When you look at a flower, look at it without any judgment, the flower\’s heart will open to you, but when you touch it with judgment, the flower will close Get up, because judgment is the enemy!” Can we relate to our children without judgment? It seems impossible, right? We will be anxious when our children have problems with their schoolwork, so we are eager to teach them knowledge step by step. When other people\’s children have a certain aura, we will compare them, so we will openly express our dissatisfaction. Of course, we will often give our child a thumbs up and tell him: \”You are the best!\” We can always swear to God: No matter what the child looks like, I will always love him the most! But we are still used to giving our children a label, a score, and an expectation in our hearts. We cannot help but comment on our children, good or bad, but no matter whether it is good or bad, as long as you judge your child, he will close up. So when you \”educate\” a child, he will close up. This is his instinct, and this is normal! But when you are with your child without any comments, you can touch his heart and you can merge. When a child fails in an exam, if we do not blame or provide guidance, we will slap our thighs together with the child and say that it would be great if we could review such questions in advance! Children\’s feelings are different. When a child is bullied, if we don\’t analyze who is right and who is wrong, and don\’t teach him how to fight back next time, and we just look into his eyes quietly and listen to him express his grievances, the child\’s feelings will be different. the same. When a child encounters something happy, he will be overjoyed. If we don\’t spoil the fun and say, \”You know how to have fun, why don\’t you have such great energy when it comes to serious matters?!\” We laugh with him, laughing very loudly. , laughing inexplicably, the child\’s feelings are different. The deepest love is not judgment, nor correction, but integration. When we can integrate with our child, just like when he was in our womb, we eat and drink together, share sorrow and joy, the child will not be closed to us, and he will share many secrets with us. I regret! To hell with pinyin, literacy, and talking about pictures! Now I just want to hear Yue Bao tell her favorite story with great emotion! This is the only companionship that matters!