How to achieve the best education? It’s you who knows how to say “no” to your children!

Today, I saw a report that made me sad. The 74-year-old grandmother was walking on the road, asking passers-by one after another the same question: \”Can you help my son find a job?\” The grandmother\’s wife has passed away, and her son has been unemployed at home for more than 20 years and is unwilling to go out to find a job. On weekdays, the two of them live on a monthly pension of 3,000 yuan. Speaking of her children, she wiped tears with both hands: \”It\’s all my fault that I have done everything since I was a child. He is used to being dependent…\” Dzerzhinsky once said: \”Parents dote on and pamper their children and satisfy their willful demands. When they grow up, they will Degenerate and become a weak-willed and selfish person.\” This kind of lack of boundary awareness often causes parents and children to lose themselves and find their own position in life. Love without limits will not raise grateful children. It is instinct for parents to love their children, but if love has no limits, the children they raise will often be white-eyed wolves. An 83-year-old woman from Taiyuan, Shanxi Province, has inconvenient legs and feet and blurred vision. She begs on the street with a cane every day and uses the money from begging to support her 44-year-old son. Her son only plays cards and sleeps every day. When faced with doubts, he confidently said: \”My mother promised to raise me!\” Is it difficult to say \”no\” to a child? It\’s hard! However, you always love without limits and deprive your children of the opportunity to grow. Don’t blame your children for continuing to lust for your blood after they grow up. Remember the news about college students killing their mothers? The mother felt sorry for her son, so she rented a room next to the school and cooked and washed her 24-year-old son every day. After her son failed a grade twice, he lost control of his emotions and stabbed his mother with a knife. Amidst her son\’s madness, she was worried that her son would not be caught by the police, and she resisted not uttering a cry for help. This mother who was thinking about her children even before her death seemed great, but was actually very cruel. While you were sacrificing yourself, you also personally pushed your children to a dead end. The starting point of doting is love, but the end point is hate. It is a disaster that destroys a child\’s healthy personality. Because of a pair of brand-name sneakers, the father, a courier who had been running around all day, was yelled at by his son when he came home and was locked outside the door and made to stand. Faced with his son\’s anti-human behavior, this father did not dare to say \”no\” and apologized cowardly: \”I was wrong.\” Yes, you are wrong. With your over-indulgence, you have cultivated a helpless person for society. Backbone puppet. As the old saying goes: \”If a son doesn\’t teach, it\’s the father\’s fault!\” Parents\’ infinite dedication to their children can easily lead to spiritual parasitism in their children. They grow up in unprincipled love, but their thoughts are still in the age of infants, blindly asking for things. It became instinctive. Many parents try their best to provide their children with a rich life, but ignore their children\’s spiritual poverty. How can such children know how to be grateful? Boundless dedication is a heavy burden. Boundary awareness is the dividing line in the growth of children, and it is also a piece of wisdom for parents to educate. Some parents regard their children as their future, pay for them regardless of the cost, and leave no way out. When conflicts arise, the hatred will be as deep as the hard work they paid in the first place. Zhu Li is a teacher who has lived frugally all his life to support his only son to study in the United States. After he retired, his son proposed to start a business without funds and hoped that he could support it. He sold his only house, and all the money from the sale was used for his son to start a business, and then he took his wife to the United States.He went to the country to seek refuge with his son to provide for him in old age. But after arriving in the United States, he encountered obstacles in life due to the language barrier. He began to regret that he should not have sold his house and left the country. He asked his son to return the money from the sale of the house to him, and he wanted to return to China. But his son\’s business did not improve, and he could not get his money back. During another reminder, his daughter-in-law\’s words completely angered him: \”Did we force you to come to the United States? I was the one who pointed a gun at selling the house. Is it yours…\” Anxious and angry, Zhu Li lost his mind, went to the kitchen, picked up a kitchen knife, and chopped at his daughter-in-law. And he, in endless regret, hanged himself. In this tragic incident, we can\’t help but ask, why did a teacher with a good reputation and a cheerful personality turn into a murderous demon? This kind of Chinese-style parent puts all their emotions and hopes on their children. When they don\’t get a response from their children, it\’s easy to fall into a state of anxiety and panic about their future. How many parents have said: \”I have no hope, it depends on the child. It doesn\’t matter how much hardship I endure, as long as the child has a future.\” My colleague Xiaoxin is such a mother. In order to let her child go to a key elementary school, she He took out a loan to buy a house in a school district and enrolled his children in various tutoring classes, but he was reluctant to buy a piece of clothing. But her child is still unhappy, because even if he gets first place in the exam, he will still be scolded when he comes home: \”Why not full marks? How can I get into a key middle school with this score?\” Many times, we do our best for our children and live in The imagined future is hopeful, but also hopeless, because the child has his own dreams to pursue. However, when the pain and joy you pay are tied to fate, it becomes a heavy burden, so oppressive that two generations can\’t breathe. Parents know how to say \”no\”, which is the best love for their children. Psychologist Freud said: \”The main driving force for children\’s growth comes from separation from their parents.\” What he meant by separation is that parents consciously help their children to grow up. Set mental boundaries and know how to say \”no\” to your children\’s unreasonable demands. When my best friend Xiao Qiao’s child was in junior high school, she hinted to her several times that she needed a mobile phone. Xiao Qiao asked him: \”What do you need a mobile phone for?\” The child couldn\’t answer, and he hesitated for a long time and said: \”Other students have them.\” Xiao Qiao gave him an analysis: \”If you need it because others have it, That is the satisfaction of vanity; if you need a mobile phone to contact me, I suggest you ask the teacher for help; if you need to check information, you can use the computer at home.\” After some analysis, the child gave up the idea of ​​buying a mobile phone and understood His parents\’ rejection was actually a show of love for him. After finishing his homework every day, he went to the playground to play football when he had time. He also selectively read many classics, and his essays became witty. He was also selected for the school football team because he was good at football. Saying \”no\” to children is not a simple and rude refusal, but a guide to guide children to establish their own values. A social survey shows that children with their own values ​​are more determined and know how to care for others. Zeng Guofan once said: \”A family\’s failure cannot be separated from the word luxury, and a person\’s failure cannot be separated from the word ease.\” Zeng Guofan\’s family was wealthy, but he did not indulge his children blindly and resolutely refused their unreasonable demands. He does not allow his children to sleep in and refuses toChildren are forbidden to use sedan chairs when going out, and they are not allowed to use slaves. Children are allowed to do everything with their own hands. Looking back at modern times, how many parents are frugal and frugal, but they have raised a \”rich second generation\” who spends money like water. For a family, parents are the root and children are the fruit. What you ask of your children today will achieve your children’s tomorrow! The confidence of parents comes from the inner filling. Buffett said: \”I am very grateful to my father. I learned from him how to have a correct outlook on life when I was young.\” Excellent parents know how to love themselves before asking their children. , pay attention to the fullness of your own heart, so as to become a role model for your children. In the \”Chinese Restaurant\” program, Zhao Wei also said: \”Parents should love themselves more, otherwise, you are not that important in the eyes of their children.\” Harvard University spent 75 years tracking 724 people and found that they have their own spiritual pursuits Parents who are better can bring happiness to their children. In the movie \”102 Years Old Dad\”, the 102-year-old father is energetic every day. He likes to play the saxophone, go to the market, and kick a football when he sees it. His wisdom in life is: when children grow up, they should guard their own world and not let their world be swallowed up by their children. Parents are not everything to their children, and children are not the appendages of their parents. In life, we only accompany our children for a journey. After all, the moment a child reaches adulthood, the parents\’ obligation to devote themselves to their life is removed. You don’t want to worry about your child’s ability to work and survive when he or she becomes an adult. As our children grow up, we need to be more powerful to fill our hearts and guard the boundaries of our love for our children. Because the children we cultivate are not only the hope of the family, but also the future of the motherland.