Parents who love to get angry and lose their temper cannot raise children who love to laugh.

What you are is what your child is. Some time ago, I saw a public service advertisement in Finland called \”The Orphanage\”. It is based on the theme of \”If children can choose their parents\”. It tells the story of a pair of siblings who can see the alternative parents getting along with each other through a glass cover before they are taken to choose their adoptive parents. The parents in the first group looked respectful to each other, smiling and very gentle when communicating, and the two children couldn\’t help but curl their lips. The parents in the second group looked very kind and gentle. The mother was holding a glass of juice with a smile and wanted to pass it to the children. The two children smiled particularly brightly. The third group of parents looked very well-educated. The very gentleman father immediately squatted down when he saw the children arriving and looked at them equally. The two children were also very relaxed and smiled cutely. In the fourth group, a pair of parents were yelling and blaming each other. The children\’s faces immediately changed, showing fear, avoidance, and sadness. But as a child, he had no choice but to follow his parents home. The end of the shot shows a family of four walking home. The parents are still noisy, completely ignoring the existence of their two children. In front of them is the ray of the sun; but the children\’s expressions are all gloomy and completely lost. It is actually not difficult to imagine what their future will be like despite their initial brilliance. The scene between parents and children is actually a kind of mutual reflection. Parents are the behavioral role models for their children, and the children themselves are also a mirror of their parents. In addition to inheritance, they will also repeat the characteristics of their parents. I remember that the year I just graduated, I took care of a child named Xiao Wu who had a slight tendency to be autistic. He can study normally, but there is only one thing: he cannot control his emotions and only likes to get along with himself. I learned privately through Xiao Wu’s mother that because Xiao Wu’s father had a very bad temper and was always yelling or breaking things at home, Xiao Wu had been particularly timid since he was a child. When Xiao Wu was four years old, the family business was not going well, and Xiao Wu happened to see Xiao Wu\’s father beating Xiao Wu\’s mother when he was drunk. From then on, he was no longer willing to communicate with others, and would be frightened and cry whenever he saw an emotional person. It wasn\’t until Xiao Wu\’s mother chose to divorce and insisted on taking Xiao Wu to see a psychiatrist that things got a little better. It can be found that if a parent has a grumpy personality and often expresses impatience emotionally, the child will unconsciously imitate it, and will inevitably become impatient when encountering things, or may become timid and timid like the weaker parent; If parents often quarrel and swear over trivial matters, then the children will also be influenced by it and become uneducated; if the parents have a gentle and stable personality and deal with problems calmly, then the children\’s temperaments will naturally be peaceful. , kind and beautiful. In fact, the implementation of family education is a subtle process. In the growing environment, parents are the people with whom children have the most contact, so what you are is what your children are. Parents who can control their emotions make the education of love more powerful. A friend’s relative’s child, Xiaozhou, dropped out of school after finishing junior high school because he was too rebellious and his family could not control him at all. But Xiaozhou’s rebellion and other childrenThe difference is that his parents never doted on him. Because Xiaozhou has been naughty since he was a child. Every time he did something wrong, he would be beaten when he got home. Many people advised his parents that just beating their children would not work, but Xiaozhou\’s parents said that they must make him remember the lesson so that he would not do it again in the future. As time went by, Xiaozhou was also beaten by his parents. They always said, \”At worst, I will go back and get beaten. What else can they do?\” In the end, his parents were too lazy to do anything. If they didn\’t like it, they would smash it at him. The nagging and scolding made Xiaozhou more and more annoyed and reluctant to go home. Later, at some point, Xiaozhou met a group of young people in the society and played with them, completely abandoning his desire to study. By the time Xiaozhou\’s parents found out, it was too late. Growing children are ignorant about many things, so they need to be educated and guided. When they haven\’t fully understood the rules of this world, causing many unintentional mistakes is something that needs to be accepted by their parents. If you think about it from another perspective, when faced with unknown things, we adults may not be able to do well if we do it. Therefore, overreaction to children\’s mistakes is the most fatal. If you don\’t tell him why it is wrong to do so and what is the right thing to do, what is the use of giving your child a profound lesson? Writer Long Yingtai once wrote such a thing in \”Child, Take Your Time\”. His son An An\’s friend Freddy stole something in the supermarket. Although Long Yingtai was anxious when he received the call from the supermarket owner, he did not immediately become angry. After Freddy saw Long Yingtai, he kept saying that An An asked him to steal it because of fear. Long Yingtai\’s first reaction was not the reprimand and blame we imagined, but to comfort the frightened Freddy and let him perform the incident of the theft live. After understanding the whole incident, she sincerely apologized to the supermarket owner. , and thanked the boss for his gentleness and consideration. Then she faced Freddy who had calmed down and asked in a friend\’s way if it was really An An who asked him to steal it. Because gentleness brought enough security, Freddy no longer lied. He told Long Yingtai that this incident was all planned by him, and he seriously promised not to take other people\’s things again. After handling it calmly, his son An An also took the initiative to explain the whole incident, and accepted Long Yingtai\’s education. He understood that the existence of \”accomplices\” was also a mistake, and he understood that there are places in the world that are not allowed to go, and there are things that are not allowed to be done. This is the truth. Only parents who do not control their children with temper can guide their children to face mistakes with love. I think if every parent can manage their emotions well before educating them like this, then they will definitely not let their children make mistakes and lose their happiness. The ability to control emotions directly affects happiness. Xiaoshuang is a very beautiful girl who is often pursued by many men. Unfortunately, she is not married. When asked why, she said that after looking at her own family, she had already lost any expectations for marriage. Ever since Xiaoshuang can remember, her parents have been quarreling over trivial matters, especially her mother, who is a very emotional person. If she quarrels with her father, her mother will pull her to run away from home; when Xiaoshuang disobeys, her mother will yell at her and lock her out and say no.She did. When Xiaoshuang grew up, he found that he could not stop his parents\’ quarrels, so he simply ignored and stopped participating. He used an emotionally indifferent attitude towards his family to protect himself; towards love, Xiaoshuang\’s attitude was to constantly torture those who liked him. , and at the same time avoid the one she likes. She said that she never dated anyone for more than three months at a time. Because she was afraid of being abandoned, she always abandoned the other person first; the most important and scariest thing was that she would unintentionally imitate her mother. Even though she hates and fears quarrels, she will act like a shrew and become hysterical once a quarrel breaks out. You see, life is like dominoes, the chain effect is huge, just like a butterfly flapping its wings can cause a tornado. Everyone has times when they cannot control their emotions, but for children, your temporary emotions may leave the deepest imprint on their hearts and become their biggest childhood shadow. I remember seeing a survey on the Internet before. Many children had slight depression tendencies and world-weariness when they were children, and these were all caused by their parents\’ bad tempers. Dr. Vincent J. Felitti of Kaiser Permanente in San Diego and Dr. Robert Anda of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention collaborated to compile the ACE questionnaire (Adverse Childhood Experiences), which surveyed more than 17,000 people. A study conducted on voluntary patients found that children who were subjected to verbal abuse, threatening psychological abuse in childhood, or who were in a dysfunctional family environment (including witnessing their mother being violently treated, or having parents who were divorced or separated) had a great impact on their physical and mental health. injuries, they will also be more likely to suffer from a variety of physical and mental illnesses in adulthood. Parents who have no emotional control will not only make their children feel insecure, but more importantly, they will also affect their children\’s personality and thinking patterns on a deeper level. Regarding the question of \”how much impact do parents\’ emotions have on their children?\” many netizens on Weibo left messages saying: Thinking about parents quarreling and being violent at home, they feel scared. They dare not get married and don\’t want to get married. They are afraid of what will happen in the future. I have also become them; my parents are divorced, and I have lived in fear since I was a child under the shadow of my mother\’s bad temper. I have always felt like a little mouse, hiding and cautious; my mother is a very impatient person, and I When I was a kid, I would always roll my eyes at me when I didn’t do anything well, so I have been super sensitive since I was a kid. My ex’s parents had been quarreling since he was a kid, and after the quarrel, they would get angry and hit him and scold him, so now he has depression and very low self-esteem. Since elementary school, I have been worrying about my family’s family affairs all day long. When I grow up, my character also has the shadow of my parents subtly. Although it is not what I want to be, it has taken root deeply… Among them, there are Such a message makes me the most sad: I have always envied those children with good family atmosphere, because they are very lucky. He has seen what good relationships look like, and has a keen sense of healthy love, so he can easily run in the right direction; while children who grow up in a bad family atmosphere do not know what is good, so they just It takes a lot of effort to kick away the bad ones, they have toIt took me many years to hit a wall before I knew which path was right. Freud once said: A person\’s life is always making up for the lack of childhood. From a psychodynamic perspective, for most people, their childhood experiences of getting along and interacting with their parents serve as a blueprint for future interactions with other people. If you want your children to have their own happiness in their future lives, parents\’ stable emotions and harmonious family atmosphere are the real positive accumulation. This kind of qualitative sublimation can make children feel safe and have more strength to face the future with a smile. The best family education is to give children positive emotions. A new father shared his thoughts on being a parent on the Daily Post, which was forwarded and liked by tens of thousands of netizens. He said: After becoming a father, I realized that the most important thing about being a parent is not to learn to change diapers or work harder. The most important thing is to handle your own emotions well and bring your emotions to your children. Absolutely not Good parents. So as parents, how can we quickly adjust our emotions in a difficult social environment and avoid bringing bad tempers home? First, release stress and relax. In addition to daily work, parents also have family matters to deal with, which will inevitably lead to accumulation of stress and eventually emotional outbursts that hurt innocent people. Therefore, the busier you are, the more you should develop a hobby of your own, such as reading or exercising, so that you can find a way to relax. With a good mood, the family atmosphere will be naturally harmonious, and eventually a virtuous circle will be formed. Second, accept children’s imperfections and look at them from a developmental perspective. Every child is unique, and the development levels of different children are different at each stage. When your child does not meet his expectations, don\’t rush to compare with others. Use patience to give your child time and space to improve, and he will give you a satisfactory answer. There is a widely circulated saying in the education circle: Every child is a seed, but everyone has a different flowering period. Some flowers bloom brilliantly from the beginning; some flowers require a long wait. Don\’t worry when others are in full bloom and your own flower has not moved. I believe that flowers have their own flowering period. Care for your own flower and watch it grow slowly, and accompany it to bathe in the sun, wind and rain. Isn\’t that right? A kind of happiness. Trust your children and wait for the flowers to bloom. Maybe your seed will never bloom because it is a towering tree. Third, let bad emotions stop within yourself. \”Child Psychology\” once said that the core of the conflict between parents and children is never the matter itself, but the unseen emotions behind the matter. So when we can\’t help but lose our temper, we must understand what emotions are really bothering us, and then treat and adjust them in a targeted manner. Only by not expressing anger and not using your family as a tool to vent your emotions can your home become a loving place of protection and rest. In fact, cultivating children is basically the educational attitude and emotions of parents. Parents with educational wisdom know how to infect and educate their children through restraint and management of themselves. I still remember a song that goes like this: I like to have warm lights waiting for me as soon as I get home, I like to see everyone’s smiling faces as soon as I get up; I like to be there for my family and myself as soon as I go out.I like to work hard for my ideals, I like the whole family to look in the same direction; I like to forget all the messy moods as soon as I get home, I like to bring bright faces to everyone as soon as I get up; I like to work for myself and the world as soon as I go out I work hard for you and I like to bring you beautiful memories home when you travel. Because we are a family, a family that loves each other. Only when we have a heart can we understand and cherish it. Why let the dark clouds in the sky cover our eyes… Being a parent is a practice in itself. Only by controlling your emotions can parents give you the best. The most noble education for children. As Naomi Aldot said in \”The Perfect Parenting\”: Share life with an excellent child, whose excellence does not come from fear, but from joy and love. Instead of trying your best to provide your children with a house in the most expensive school district, it is better to create a home with smiles and warmth for your children.