What should I do if my child is tired of studying? This is not a natural disaster but a man-made disaster

A boy, 15 years old, skipped school and mutilated himself. I used a utility knife to make many cuts on my arms and legs. I looked at the wounds. They were deep and shallow, with new wounds on top of old ones. It was shocking. He said: I also used the tip of a gel pen to poke my thigh. He lowered his head, his voice was very low, and there was no sadness or joy in his tone, as if he was talking about someone else\’s matter. His mother burst into tears every time she talked about her child\’s current situation. I feel like I can\’t hold on any longer. Once when she was angry, she pushed her child to the window and said, \”You jump down, and I\’ll jump down again, and we won\’t survive.\” Because of the child\’s problems, half of her hair turned gray in a hurry, and she shed tears for a long time. The parent-child relationship is at stake. Children have long since given up communicating. Adults can say whatever they want, whatever they want. The parent felt a force hitting the marshmallow. In anger, his words became more and more harsh. The child said: \”My dad has almost no patience to listen to anything I say, and he just talks long and hard. He feels embarrassed when I don\’t get good grades. It feels like he looks at me like I\’m looking at a piece of garbage. Now when I listen to him It’s annoying to talk.” Learning is really a magical thing, and it can make many children fall into a situation of betrayal and alienation because of learning. So it is not surprising that so many children are tired of studying. Because studying makes his life so miserable, how could he like it? There is a great wonder in our education: as long as a child has good grades, any problems he has will not be a problem. If your grades are not good, then there is no problem and I will create some problems for you. The theory of object relations is that the mother-infant relationship during a person\’s infancy lays the foundation of his personality. Then they still haven\’t seen the devastating power of Chinese education. The reshaping of a person\’s character by education mainly stems from the chain of contempt it builds. It was also this boy. When he was in fifth grade, at a class meeting, the head teacher asked everyone to make some suggestions that would be beneficial to the progress of the school and the class. He said: \”The morning reading class at seven o\’clock in the morning is too early. Many students are sleeping, and even the teacher who is watching the morning reading is dozing off. It would be better to delay it for half an hour.\” The head teacher replied with a sarcastic smile. He said: \”You can sleep if you want. Don\’t affect other people\’s studies. If you don\’t make progress, you will let everyone be lazy with you. Only students like you can think of this kind of advice.\” He said helplessly: \”Just because of me My grades were not good, so the suggestions I made were clearly something everyone wanted to report, but they were laughed at by the teacher. My mother was right, you will suffer discrimination if your grades are not good. My best friend’s birthday party was attended by the whole class He was in the top ten, but he didn\’t invite me. Because he had good grades, his mother thought that his good relationship with me was a sign of not wanting to make progress, and she was worried that he would be led astray by me. Is poor grades an infectious disease? Because of poor grades, Not even qualified to attend your best friend’s birthday party?” This phenomenon is so common that a poor student will not only be despised by his teachers and classmates, but even his parents will look down upon him. A child with poor grades will often suffer discrimination at the personality level. As a result, many students are devastated, not only because they face heavy academic pressure, but more importantly, they are deprived of self-confidence and self-esteem. Just like this boy, he internalized this external rejection: My parents don’t like me——Teachers and classmates don’t like me—I don’t like myself either. Because of his studies, the whole world broke with him. His social support system was completely broken, or his relationships were broken. Therefore, many children are not tired of learning, but tired of the world. Zheng Yefu said that being tired of studying is a cancer of the soul. But no one is born with this disease. No normal child is born to hate learning, otherwise they will not learn to walk, eat, or speak. Therefore, being tired of studying is a problem created by humans for children. If we have forgotten the unquenchable curiosity of children when they were young, we can go to the entrance of the kindergarten and take a look. They are like a walking 100,000 whys. They can observe the trees and flowers on the roadside and the small insects on the ground for a long time. How could that child get tired of studying? The following two factors have a greater impact. First, the education system has great flaws: ① It cannot take care of the uneven early intellectual development of each child. Children who are not poor in intelligence but whose abilities develop more slowly are often labeled Being labeled stupid will greatly damage children\’s enthusiasm for learning. ② It is impossible to take into account the different interests and hobbies of each child. Current education mainly screens children’s logical thinking ability. Children who do not perform well in this area will have their other interests suppressed because they are not doing their job properly. ③ Overemphasis on learning as a competitive relationship artificially turns all students into enemies. Students who perform poorly will suffer too many attacks and their ego will be weakened. Good students will worry about losing their ability to attack, which is also very energy-consuming. ④ If grades are a chain of contempt, people who have performed poorly for a long time will feel that they are inferior. School is no longer a free, equal, and happy place. So he withdrew from it, refused to grow, and refused to be socialized. Secondly, the family cannot provide effective support: ① When children initially encounter learning difficulties, it is often because they are unfamiliar with the knowledge, are not proficient, and generally cannot improve their intelligence, let alone personality problems. Parents like to treat people wrongly and suppress their children\’s self-esteem and self-confidence for a long time. ② Because of studying, his relationship with important objects has been damaged. Studying is his nemesis, and anyone who advises him to study is his enemy. ③ Adolescent children’s requirements for space and freedom have increased significantly, but parents are not used to letting go. This kind of “power struggle” can easily cause children to react violently and become unmotivated to learn. ④ In an age where anxiety is prevalent, learning is often given an overly sacred meaning. The original fun of learning is diluted. It can be seen that children who are tired of studying are not natural disasters but man-made disasters. Where does the need for self-confidence and self-esteem of children who are tired of studying, play truant, and drop out of school go? Turn to falling in love, turning to online games, turning to animation, turning to TV. Turn to everything that might give him care, love, respect, and a sense of accomplishment. He is trying every way to compensate himself. This is a child struggling and he still wants these wonderful things. But how do many people interfere with children who are tired of studying? Send them to stop using the Internet, collect mobile phones, and strictly control the children\’s personal freedom. Then, as expected, I became more and more tired of studying. Why? Because these problems are functional and valuable to him. If these problems disappear, he will reallyinto a place of no response – a desperate situation. Why have there been so many cases of self-harm and suicide among teenagers in recent years? It’s because they don’t believe that anyone can understand them or help them. We need to see behind these problems, what the child really wants, in order to be able to help him. Otherwise he doesn\’t care what you think or what you want. We all long for the beautiful situation of a loving mother and a filial son, and we all hope that our children will have a bright future. But what can a person with nothing give you? The question is, what should I do if a child is tired of studying? ① You must understand that a child is tired of studying because he has encountered a problem that he cannot solve. What he needs now is not sanctions, but allies. ② Let him believe that you can support him and trust him, and believe that the good things he wants can be found not only in the virtual world, but also from you. You need to resupply a child with the care, trust, and sense of accomplishment he needs to grow. ③ Overcome the desire for quick success. I treated him well today, but he should listen to me tomorrow. Today I understand that I love and care for him. He should go to school tomorrow. He started reading today, and he should have good results tomorrow. Don\’t be so optimistic, it will definitely take longer than you expect. ④ Parents should return to their role as parents. Don’t let everyone in the family become teachers and take care of their studies just because study is important. If his family is full of teachers, then he has no relatives he can trust and rely on. ⑤ Adults should have more psychological flexibility to deal with the pressure caused by educational issues, instead of becoming a pressure pump for schools and society, making the pressure even greater and then handing it over to children. You\’ve been crushed. Are the eggs still intact when the nest is overturned? I’m often asked how long it takes to change. I have no idea. Will the child get better? I don’t know either, but I know that if I don’t do this, there is definitely no hope, but if I do, there is still hope. Suhomlinsky said: \”Children\’s hearts are sensitive and open to accept all good things. If teachers induce children to learn good examples and encourage them to imitate all good behaviors, all the shortcomings of children will disappear. It will gradually disappear without pain, trauma, or discomfort.\” On the contrary, when we educate our children, if we always target his bad behavior, suppress him, and humiliate him, then all his shortcomings will be eliminated because of your focus. Being amplified, his sensitive heart will be closed to these beautiful things. He may spend his entire life struggling to regain confidence in himself. In this way, he will have to live his whole life with the shackles of childhood.