How to educate naughty children? The truth behind it is this…

I took my daughter to the Naughty Castle on the weekend to reward her for her hard work in the past month. Unexpectedly, it triggered a war. After buying the ticket, I watched Xuan Xuan fly into the Naughty Castle, turned around and chose a comfortable place with a good view to sit down, planning to watch the show quietly. Unexpectedly, before the seat was warm, I heard her say she didn’t want to play anymore. At this time, all I could think about was: I bought all the tickets, what a waste; I finally caught up on a show, but I couldn’t watch it anymore. A rage burned in his chest. After 30 seconds, he rushed out of the body and roared wildly. Looking at Xuanxuan again, her eyes were already filled with tears, and her face was full of grievances. It dawned on me that I hadn\’t asked her why yet. While crying, she pointed to a little boy not far away and said, \”I don\’t want to play with that little brother, but he always follows me and bumps into me.\” I was shocked and wrongly blamed her again. I was only immersed in my own emotions and didn\’t consider her feelings at all. He could have left peacefully, but ended up with a duet of crying and yelling. Since I became a mother, I have heard a basket full of truths and read parenting books as high as the wall. I think I am not an expert, but I am also a parenting guru. However, the reality is a slap in the face. The best thing is not to patiently understand the true demands of the children, but to take it for granted and create evidence of the \”naughty child\”: if you cry, you are disobedient; if you make trouble, you are ignorant; if you reject your parents, Just rebellious…never ask why. Whether a naughty child or a good child depends only on whether he meets his parents\’ standards. If you comply, you are a \”good boy\”. If you don\’t comply, you are a \”naughty child\”! Are \”good children\” really good according to their parents\’ standards? Teacher Wu Zhihong has always emphasized the importance of \”being seen\”. He believes that seeing is love. And this is the most common mistake parents make. So there is a joke like \”There is a kind of coldness called my mother thinks I am cold\”. I still remember Li Wan in the movie \”Thirteen Dogs\”. He had no mother since he was a child. His father often forced Li Wan to do what he thought was right under the banner of \”for your own good\”. Good for you! I just changed the physics class to an English class. However, Li Wan really likes physics. Good for you! Pushed through glass after glass of milk. However, Li Wan would vomit whenever he drank milk, and he had done so since he was a child. Good for you! I gave you a puppy as a companion, but then I went skating with my son instead. However, Li Wan also longs for his father\’s company. Montessori said: \”Children deserve the dedicated love of adults, not the residual love of adults who are busy with their lives.\” Li Wan\’s father is busy with business and his other small family. The love for my daughter is more like a little charity after finishing the first two important things. It seems caring, but in fact there is no warmth at all. He didn\’t know what his daughter was thinking or feeling, and he didn\’t want to know. It has always been what he thinks should be. So simple and crude. Li Wan finally lived the way his father hoped and became a \”good boy\” in his eyes. He drank milk regardless of nausea and ate dog meat despite his grief. Silently put away your own edges and corners, and began to learn to compromise and obey. She finally closed the door in her heart and chose to treat everything around her with numbness. At such a young age, I have already lost what I should have had at this stage.of light. Dad\’s heart is alive, but Li Wan\’s heart is dead. Parents hope that their children can be born facing the sun, but at the same time, they personally close their children\’s door to the sun. The child finally lived the way his parents wanted him to, but he never had the chance to be himself again. There are no children who are too bad, only parents who are not good enough. Sandak once said: \”Don\’t underestimate the insight of children, they know everything.\” Is the love of parents sincere or perfunctory; is it full attention or indifferent? Yes, children can feel it in minutes. Once, two little guests came to the house. Mom was busy playing with the little guest and ignored his presence. Uh-huh was very angry, refused to listen to her mother\’s explanation, and even ran away from home. Faced with Uhm\’s \”extreme\” behavior, Huo Siyan did not get angry on the spot and patiently persuaded Uhm to go home. Then, ask dad to help mediate. Du Jiang did not show off his authority as a parent when he first came up, and ordered Uhm to listen to his mother. Instead, he was kind and persuasive, trying to reason with Uhm and let him understand that it wasn\’t because he had a little guest that his mother didn\’t love him anymore. Let him know that he is mom and dad\’s baby, and mom and dad will always love him. After \”securing\” my position in the eyes of my parents, I felt happy again. She no longer rejects the little guests, but instead imitates her mother’s example of actively treating guests, helping her sister wash her hands, getting toys for her brother, and looking like a little brother. Li Qunfeng, an early childhood education expert, said: \”Children\’s emotions are different from those of adults. Children\’s emotional expressions are often direct and expressed through behavior.\” Children are unreasonable and even engage in extreme behavior, mostly because they do not care about their parents. They feel that there is not enough love there, or they feel that their love has decreased or disappeared, and they want to attract their parents\’ attention through some special behaviors. At this time, the first thing parents should do is not to reprimand or abuse, but to face their children\’s feelings and tell them: We love you! Then, raise the child\’s problems so that the child can recognize the mistakes and correct them. Good parents all have this skill. Teacher Yin Jianli said that when a child loses his temper, what parents should do is accept it. Then \”transfer\” the bad emotions. A two-pronged approach can completely reverse the child\’s mood and get better faster. She shared a letter from a student’s mother whose child crashed the newly built airplane and cried in anger. The mother comforted her and said, \”It\’s too bad, the plane is broken. This is so sad and very irritating.\” After hearing this, the child\’s crying decreased, but his anger has not subsided. Pick up the stuffed toy next to you, throw it out, and pick it up again. Throw it out again and pick it up again. Use this to vent. The mother looked at him calmly and occasionally reminded him: \”Don\’t throw it at the vase, the vase will break.\” Unexpectedly, the child was very cooperative and only threw the toys at the wall, curtains and other places. After a few rounds, the child\’s mood eased. The mother hugged him and said, \”The plane broke into pieces. It\’s really annoying. However, mom has a suggestion. How about we build a super large plane together?\” At this sentence, the child broke out of his mother\’s arms, returned to the table, and \”made\” a new airplane again. From the time the plane was smashed to the time when a new plane was rebuilt, the whole process took less than 5 minutes. This mother has alwaysAlways see your child\’s emotions and accept them fully. Use your own efforts to resolve the negative forces, and then return the transformed emotions to your children. In psychology, this transformation is called \”detoxification.\” Teacher Wu Zhihong believes that this is the skill that good parents should possess. However, many parents do not have this ability. When children pass on their \”toxic\” emotions, parents are instantly infected. When I see a child crying, I give him a lecture. Seeing that the child was \”unrepentant\”, he immediately began to roar and even fight with fists and kicks. When children make trouble, parents become angry, creating a vicious cycle. In fact, children are very simple. As long as parents help them sort out their emotions, they will calm down much faster than adults. It is said that parents and children are on a journey that is gradually drifting apart. How to ensure that children can face the storm alone in the days without us? The best way is to fill his luggage with love. Because love will give children great power. A child with love has a rich and firm heart. Children with love can move forward and retreat freely in the kaleidoscope of life, and can turn danger into safety in the storm. Pack up your own container, prepare your own skills, see, accept, transform, and give feedback. I hope every child can receive full love from his parents.