What is most harmful to children is not divorce, but this matter

In the latest episode of \”My Girl,\” actor Wang Ou choked up several times when talking about his parents. It turns out that when Wang Ou was three years old, her parents divorced. In her memory, her parents often quarreled because of emotional discord. Wang Ou, who was only a little older at the time, had witnessed his parents quarreling with his own eyes. Now more than 30 years have passed, but whenever she recalls what happened before, she feels very scared. She said: \”It wasn\’t until this moment that I realized that whether my parents have a good relationship is very important to me. Because when I grew up, I was very pessimistic when it came to love, career, and marriage.\” If parents have a bad relationship, the impact on their children will last a lifetime. If a child is in a loving atmosphere, he will naturally grow up healthily. If parents are cold-blooded and the family atmosphere is indifferent at home, the child\’s heart will also be very cold. The quarrel won the whole world, but only the children were lost. A Thai animated short film \”Fighting Parents\” uses three minutes to restore the true feelings of children when their parents quarrel: the usually gentle and sweet mother and the humorous father have become two A big monster with a ferocious face, roaring loudly and tearing desperately. Although these horrific scenes are a bit ironic, they are extremely real. A seemingly casual quarrel between parents can sometimes become a lifelong shadow for a child. Actor Xu Jinglei said something in \”A Date with Lu Yu\”. She said: \”Marriage is not something everyone has to experience, and it may not be suitable for me.\” Lu Yu asked her: \”Why do you have such an idea? ?” Xu Jinglei said frankly: “My parents have been quarreling since I was a child, and the quarrel was very fierce. This is a big psychological shadow for me. When I think of family, I don’t think it is a harmonious family. , my first reaction was that it was so noisy. Now when I go out with my parents, I can’t help but get very nervous, because I’m afraid they’ll start arguing again if they disagree.” Children who grow up like this are not living in love. But live in fear. Psychological research shows that children whose parents often quarrel and are often affected by their parents\’ negative emotions have a psychological problem detection rate of 32%; at the same time, children who often face family wars are prone to interpersonal barriers and lack confidence in their future lives. It is especially easy to have a fear of marriage. In this war without gunpowder, parents only focus on arguing about who is right and who is wrong, but forget about the child hiding in the corner, watching all this. The relationship between parents profoundly affects a child\’s character. The way parents get along determines their children\’s expectations for the future. Every parent wants to give their children all the good things in the world. As everyone knows, the best gift that parents can give their children is not expensive materials, but to nourish their children with love and let them grow up with love. A family without love is a disaster for a child\’s life. There is a question on Zhihu: How much impact does parents’ bad relationship have on their children’s lives? Netizen @小西’s answer hurt the hearts of countless people. She said: \”Ever since she can remember, her parents have often quarreled. Both of them are stubborn and unwilling to admit defeat. She often wonders why her parents got married.Is it really just for a marriage certificate? Every quarrel had a great impact on her, so much so that now she believes that she has severe phobia of marriage, phobia of love, and difficulty in interacting with new members of the opposite sex. \”What\’s sad is that she no longer believes in love, and she doesn\’t dare to get married because she is afraid that her marriage will be broken up like her parents, leaving only endless quarrels. Seeing this, I am also a mother. My heart feels like being pricked by a needle: the harm caused by parents\’ bad relationship to their children will not gradually decrease with the passage of time. On the contrary, it may stay with him throughout his life and have a negative impact on his children\’s future work, marriage, and family life. Having children has had a huge impact. Keigo Higashino once said: \”Many children with both parents end up living unfortunately. Whether a child is happy does not depend on whether both parents have parents. \”The cruelest thing to children is: there are obviously many conflicts in a family, but parents still stubbornly believe that such a family can bring happiness to their children. When children live in an unhappy family and have never felt love, And warmth, when he grows up, he doesn\’t know how to love others at all. A family without love is a disaster for a child\’s life and hurts his life. Children will eventually grow up to be like their parents. In the TV series \”Little Joy\”, Fang Yifan\’s native family is the most desirable because the relationship between his parents is so good. His father Fangyuan worked as a legal attorney in a company for more than 20 years, and suddenly one day he received a notice of dismissal. He was the mainstay of the family. , without a job, it is a fatal blow to a family. If it were placed on other women, they would definitely complain that their husbands are useless. Not only did Tong Wenjie not do this, but she asked her husband to take advantage of his unemployment to rest at home. , there is no rush to find a job, she has everything. Similarly, Fangyuan loves Tong Wenjie to the core. After his wife was pregnant with the second child, he always changed his tricks, cooking all kinds of delicious food for his wife, and helping her Massage, wash her feet, etc. They don’t quarrel when things happen, they tolerate and understand each other, and peeing sows the seeds of love in the child’s heart. It is also because they grew up in a warm and loving family. Only when Fang Yifan grows up can he grow up to be an optimistic, cheerful and sunny child. For example, Fang Yifan will take the initiative to care about his cousin who lost his mother and tell his cousin: It\’s okay, don\’t be afraid, I will take care of everything. He will also patiently care for his cousin. Encourage a good friend who is suffering from depression, make her happy, and accompany her out of those dark days. Paleontologist Taiyal once said: \”There is only one obligation in a person\’s life, and that is to learn to love.\” There is only one kind of happiness in a person\’s life, and that is to know love. Growing up in a close and harmonious family, children will feel more secure, more confident, know how to love others, and become a warm and loving person. \”Parents are children\’s first teachers. Everything parents teach their children will be reflected in every aspect of life in another form. The more parents love each other, the healthier their children will be mentally. What children want , is not a cold home. After Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew divorced, there was no so-called mutual quarrel. The two have always maintained a relationship of friends. Both of them have business interests in raising their two daughters.The amount of companionship given to children is no less than that of others. They spend Children\’s Day with their children and attend their children\’s graduation ceremonies together. Photos of the family of four can be seen everywhere at home. The love the daughters received did not diminish in the slightest because of their divorce. For daughters, it is undoubtedly the happiest thing when their parents can get along well with each other and love them as always. Their family of four is also called \”the best divorced family in the world\” by the British media. Children are the most important link between husband and wife. Even if both parties no longer love each other, please don\’t cut off the bond easily, because the two ends of the bond are children. Roland Miller, a famous American psychologist, cited research data in \”Intimate Relationships\” to illustrate the impact of the quality of parental relationships on children: A complete family with harmonious parents has the highest subjective well-being of children; If a family with a high level of happiness insists on being complete, the subjective well-being of the children will drop to a negative number. We often say that children are still so young and do not understand many things. In fact, this is not the case. They are very careful people. They can tell at a glance whether their parents are in a good relationship or not. Even if a family is extremely poor, even if it cannot provide its children with sufficient material life, as long as the father loves the mother and the mother loves the father, such children will be able to grow up healthily and happily. If you don\’t love each other anymore, please don\’t hurt each other in front of your children. The dignity you leave to each other is the best love you can give your children. This child\’s life has just begun. Please give him a future full of love and sunshine. Let him learn to love others and enjoy being loved calmly in the future. Love is the pure land in every child\’s heart, and it needs careful care by parents. May your child be lovely and loved all his life.