Why are children more willing to listen to the teacher but not to you?

Many parents have found that after their children entered kindergarten and elementary school, they often did not listen to themselves, but they listened especially to the teacher. Just like a mother once said: \”Whatever I ask my child to do, he either nags, procrastinates, or tries to negotiate conditions with you, and doesn\’t cooperate at all. The teacher\’s words are like edicts, more effective than anything else, and he doesn\’t use them. We remind you to consciously do what the teacher says.\” Why is this? In fact, here are 4 points worth reflecting on, which can help parents educate their children better. There are clear rules in a school environment. First of all, children are more willing to listen to teachers because there are clear and clear rules in a school environment. Rules are the boundaries of behavior. With rules for what can and cannot be done, children will also have a scale in their minds. As Dr. Dobson said in his book \”The Courage to Discipline\”: \”If there is a railing on the edge of the cliff, then people will dare to lean on the railing and look down, because they will not be afraid of falling; if there is no railing, everyone will be far away from the cliff. He stopped where he was, let alone stood on the edge of the cliff and looked down. The railing is the boundary. Children who know the boundaries (rules) will feel safe. On the contrary, children without boundaries will not feel safe because they do not know safety. Where is the measure?\” And in many families? It may be difficult to name a few clear rules. Without a specific reference standard for children\’s behavior, it is difficult to form good behavioral norms. No matter how much parents preach, it is not as effective and trouble-free as clear and concrete rules. This inspires us that it is necessary to \”have family rules\”. Parents should discuss with their children to develop some rules of conduct, write them on paper and post them in a conspicuous place at home. For example, you must go to bed before 9 o\’clock, you must put away your toys and put them back to their original place after playing with them, you can only watch TV for 30 minutes on Saturdays and Sundays, etc. Kindergarten and primary school are critical periods for children to develop habits. The requirements at this stage are stricter. Children can develop good habits and then gradually let go. There is no need to be constrained by rules, and children will also consciously adjust their behavior. Teachers can adhere to principles and have clear rules for rewards and punishments, but they must be implemented in a principled manner to truly have an effect. In school, teachers will strictly enforce the rules and will not compromise or change them at will. For example, if students fight and cause trouble, peek at extracurricular books in class, etc., they will be punished or criticized accordingly; whoever actively answers questions, helps classmates, and writes all their homework correctly in class will be praised or given encouragement with little red flowers. Teachers have principles, clear rewards and punishments, can see students\’ problems, and know how to appreciate students\’ strengths. Therefore, they can establish prestige in the hearts of students, and students are naturally willing to listen to the teacher\’s words. On the other hand, some parents often have no bottom line and cannot adhere to principles. They often compromise because their children cry or act coquettishly. For example, after being told that you can only watch TV for 30 minutes, but the child cries and continues to watch, the parent relents and lets the child continue watching. In this way, the rules lose their effectiveness, and the words parents say will lose weight in the children\’s hearts, so they will find that the children become less and less obedient to their own words. Some parents lack recognition and encouragement for their children, and only focus on their children\’s shortcomings and fail to see their advantages. It is difficult for their children to be recognized and appreciated.If psychological needs are not met, it will also affect his performance. From this aspect, we can understand: Parents must stick to their own bottom line on principled issues and not let their children feel that the rules can be broken; rewards and punishments are clear, and children need to be punished if they do not do well. Children should also be affirmed and encouraged in a timely manner. When a child\’s self-esteem and self-confidence are well developed, he or she will desire to become better, so he or she will consciously develop in a positive direction. Teachers are more emotionally stable and have better communication skills. In many cases, the more we treat people close to us, the easier it is for our words and deeds to lose proportion. Teachers treat students with equal respect and can better control their emotions when students have some problematic behaviors. For example, if a student makes a mistake, the teacher will not blame him indiscriminately. He will first talk to the child patiently and calmly to clarify the ins and outs of the matter, so as not to blame or misunderstand the student. In this case, the children feel an equal atmosphere where they can communicate, are more willing to speak their minds, and are more able to listen to the teacher\’s words. However, in families, parents often cannot manage their emotions well because of excessive concern and anxiety about their children. Once you discover something wrong with your child, it\’s always easy to \”get on top\” and lose your temper and yell. In this situation, the children\’s attention is drawn to the parents\’ emotions, which is not conducive to the children\’s fundamental understanding of the problem. Parents who are always emotional are not conducive to effective communication between parents and children, and can easily arouse children\’s rebellious psychology and damage the parent-child relationship. If the parent-child relationship is not good, parents’ education will be greatly compromised. This reminds us that as the parents closest to our children, no matter how young the child is, we should treat him as an equal and independent individual, do not scold or beat him at will, and control his emotions; no matter what problems we encounter, the first thing is Communicate well, know how to listen, pay attention to the child\’s feelings and thoughts, clarify the essence of the matter, and see the needs behind the child\’s behavior, so as to better help the child grow. Teachers set a good example and are consistent in their words and deeds. In school, teachers can always set a positive example for students, so they can win the respect and conviction of students. For example, they have knowledge; speak and act appropriately; be able to provide children with just the right amount of help; students are required not to be late, and teachers will arrive at class on time or even early every time… But in families, sometimes children are unwilling to listen to their parents. , because parents’ words and deeds are inconsistent and they cannot lead by example. For example, if you don’t work and rest on time; you like to watch dramas and play on mobile phones instead of reading books and studying; you tell your children that studying hard is important, but you love playing mahjong… you ask your children but you can’t do it yourself, and the education will be unconvincing. There is a saying that goes well: The best way to achieve the kind of person you want your children to be is for your parents to first become that kind of person. Raise yourself first when raising children. Parents must be good themselves, set an example worth following for their children, keep learning, and strive to improve themselves, in order to win the respect and trust of their children.