Top 10 behaviors of parents that hurt their children the most: How easy is it to raise a child to waste?

After having children, parents chat together and often complain: \”Today\’s children are becoming more and more rebellious and disobedient.\” Are children really difficult to manage? Psychologist Chen Mo said: Cooperative parenting: The importance of parent-child communication and parent-child education PDF download \”Chinese children have changed, but parents are still stuck in the same place and have not kept up with the pace.\” When we hold our heads high and see everything about our children, So \”noisy\” and \”unsightly\”. We cannot understand the whims and whims in his mind; we cannot hear the subtext of his emotions; we cannot read the deep meaning of his micro-expressions; Mr. Feng Zikai, the master of modern Chinese cartoons, once pointed out these educations through cartoons \”Cause\”, but decades have passed and there is still no cure. If you savor his paintings carefully, you will find that we were once the children in the paintings, and now we have become the parents in the paintings. There is no way to \”ripen\” the child\’s life. The mother in the painting blows on the child\’s belly button with a fire stick, completely ignoring the child\’s frown and pain, and just hopes that the child will grow up overnight. It sounds ridiculous and cruel, but we\’ve all done it. When the child is still a toddler, we eagerly pull him to start running; we wish he could understand the questions in kindergarten until he is in fifth grade… From the time the child is born, we anxiously hope that he will grow up quickly, but we forget Growth is inherently a \”slow\” process. I read a passage: \”I was sitting on the stone steps in the setting sun, watching that child with clear eyes doing one thing attentively. Yes, I am willing to wait for a lifetime to let him use his five-year-old fingers. , tie this bow calmly.\” Every child\’s growth has his own time trajectory. Trust your children and allow them to take their time, and all the waiting will be fulfilled. Children are not \”products\” on an assembly line. When education begins to have unified templates and standard answers, it will not be far from stifling children\’s creativity. I once heard a saying: \”A good education is to use 50 methods to educate a child, rather than using 1 method to teach 50 children.\” But in fact, we mostly become the latter. In a child\’s world, the sky can be pink, sunflowers can be square, cats and mice can be good friends…but in the standard answers, these are all wrong. Adults’ standard answers often relegate children’s imaginations to the shadows. When we train children as \”products\” on the production line, the finished products are uniform in \”color\” and although they are harmonious and beautiful, they lose the splendor of a hundred flowers blooming that they should have. If education cannot teach students in accordance with their aptitude, the children will eventually lose their \”names\” and will only be left with a unified code name. The biggest tragedy in education is to train children to become learning machines. In life, are we not the mother in the cartoon, holding down the child\’s head, making him study hard, and forcing him to get more points in the test? On the surface, the child seems to be working hard, but in fact, he is like a piece of driftwood being pulled. He only knows where the direction is, but does not know why he wants to go there. I once watched an interview video. The host asked a primary school student: \”Do you think learning is important?\” The student said: \”My mother thinks it is important.\” From the child\’s helpless eyes, it can be seen that he has no passion or desire for learning at all. Some just complete tasks in a coping style to meet their parents\’ expectations. When a child does something, onlyIt is to follow other people\’s wishes. When he is forced to accept it under coercion and suppression, he will probably not be able to gain happiness and growth from it. Feeding and oppressive education seem to fill children\’s heads with knowledge, but in fact they deprive them of the ability to think independently. I once heard a saying: \”Education is not about filling a bucket of water, but lighting a fire.\” Download the PDF version of Raising Girls e-book [on the bestseller list for 15 consecutive years] to stimulate children\’s subjective initiative and ignite their interest in education. The thirst for knowledge, the potential of children is far beyond our imagination. Your urging forces the child to deviate from the track. In life, there is often a scene like this. The mother is moving forward quickly, urging the child: \”Can you hurry up!\” In fact, the child being dragged away by the mother has already run all over the place. sweat. The child is obviously exhausted physically and mentally, but the parents still feel that the child is not trying hard enough. I once saw the news that a child in the third grade of junior high school had a decline in his monthly test scores. His parents said a few words to him, and he finally committed suicide by jumping off a building. The last straw for a child is not the last few words of the parents, but the countless repeated words \”Run quickly, don\’t fall behind.\” We lead our children at an adult pace but ignore their needs and limits. Paving the way for them only according to your own standards may eventually force your children to deviate from the track. With constant \”higher\” requirements, children will never be able to meet their parents\’ expectations for their children, and they will always have \”unsatisfied desires.\” If a child scores 98 points in the test, we will ask: \”Why didn\’t he get 100?\” If the child scores 100, we will say: \”What\’s the use of getting 100 points once? Only 100 points every time is excellent.\” So, the child\’s eyes expect to be recognized, Under the pressure, it becomes dim and dull. I once saw a child who forged a \”Tsinghua University Admission Notice\” in order to satisfy his parents\’ expectations. After the incident was revealed, he was so ashamed that he ran away from home. When our expectations get higher and higher every time, the children will either be hit and stop moving forward, or they will \”go astray\” and ruin their lives. Reward-based education ultimately \”punishes\” parents. Nowadays, \”reward-based education\” is becoming more and more popular. In order to stimulate children\’s desire to learn, you can often hear promises like this: \”If you take a test of 100 yuan, you will be given 1,000 yuan of pocket money, and if you take a 98 test, you will be given 1,000 yuan. The pocket money is only 500 yuan.\” Material rewards seem to be a \”win-win\” in the short term. Children study hard to get pocket money, and parents are happy to see their children\’s excellent results. But linking learning with money will subtly make children think: \”Learning is for money. Without money and rewards, I will not learn.\” If things go on like this, no matter what children do, even if it is part of their job, they will not learn. They will threaten you by \”asking for reward\”, and in the end it is easy to develop the bad habit of asking for too much. Education without a sense of rules is the most poisonous medicine. In life, you can often see a scene like this. Children want to buy toys. There are a lot of toys at home, but the children just play around and insist on buying them. Most of the parents are in their children\’s \” Defeated in tears. \”Okay, just this time, don\’t ask for it again next time.\” In fact, once parents start to compromise, the children\’s crying will become more intense, and they will test their parents\’ bottom line step by step. Children’s sense of right and wrong and rules develop fromIt’s not something you’re born with. Wherever the parent’s bottom line is, that’s where the child’s boundary is. If parents stick to their principles, their children will follow the rules. Professor Li Meijin once shared a case. Once, her daughter was clamoring for something, crying, fussing, and hanging herself. She did not compromise and watched the child cry. The child saw that her mother did not compromise at all, so she had to give up in the end. As a parent, sometimes you have to be \”cruel\”. If it is something that is good for your child, then stick to your principles and don’t be “beaten” easily. Education does not need to follow trends to be the best for children. I once read a story online, which made me sigh. The girl had always wanted to study literature, but her parents felt that it was difficult to find a job in liberal arts, so they forced their children to change their choice and enroll in the computer major, which was \”very popular\” at the time. But my daughter was not made to study this at all. In the end, she was under too much pressure to study, failed several exams, and became depressed because she could not get her diploma. It\’s too late for parents to regret. Parents think that if everyone chooses something, it must be the best. Just like a flock of sheep walking aimlessly on the grassland, they always watch what their companions choose, and just follow them. It is obvious that the child does not have the talent to learn the piano, but seeing everyone learning it, he forces the child to learn it too. Hearing others say that dancing can cultivate temperament, he forces the child to learn dancing, regardless of whether the child likes it or not. What everyone chooses may be right, but it may not be suitable for children. Every child is an independent individual and cannot follow in the footsteps of others to replicate success. For the child, what suits him is the best. \”It\’s all for your own good\” is what puts pressure on children. \”Wuzhishan\” once saw a poll on the Internet, \”What do you think the words of your relatives are the most hurtful?\” \”I am all for your own good\” with an overwhelming advantage. In the end, Win. \”I beat you and scold you, it\’s for your own good.\” \”You have to eat an apple every day, even if you don\’t like it, it\’s for your own good.\” \”Stop choosing, find someone to marry, it\’s for your own good.\” When all the care and dedication of parents and relatives, even scolding and suppression, are all in the name of \”for your own good\”, the child will be overwhelmed by such emotional blackmail. To truly be good to children is to stand from the child\’s perspective, feel the child\’s feelings, and understand the child\’s needs, rather than imposing our wishes on the child. Please allow your child to be a child. On a rainy day, when the child wants to go out and tread water, we will say: \”Baby, dirty, you can\’t.\” When the child cries because the doll is lost, we will say: \”It\’s a fake doll. It\’s gone and I can\’t buy it again. Why are you crying?\” ?\” When a child doodles, we will say: \”You have to follow the lines, you have to follow the standards.\” But when we say these words, we forget that he is still just a child. In his world, rain is fun, dolls are his friends, and coloring should not have borders. We often fail to understand our children, call them \”naughty\” and think they are noisy, but we don\’t know that the world in children\’s eyes is different from ours. If your child puts shoes on the corner of the chair, let them be naughty, because this is how they first explore the world. I wonder if you still remember the scene when that little life met us for the first time? Hearing his first cry made us cry with excitement. We were grateful for the most beautiful encounter in the world. We also watched children walking towards us happily, and we took long strideswalked towards him. But time flies, and we gradually forget the original beauty and expectations. Becoming parents and meeting each other is a fate that has been cultivated for thousands of years. Don\’t let our children drift away from us as they grow up. Feng Zikai once said: \”Parents should love their children, get close to them, put themselves in their children\’s shoes, understand their children\’s psychology, observe their lives, and understand them deeply.\” I hope we can all understand the deep meaning of these paintings and on the road of education , reflect more and accompany your children’s lifelong growth. Reminds me of a little poem: Raising Boys Collector\’s Edition PDF Download [On the bestseller list for 15 consecutive years] Your children are not your children. They are children born from the desire of life itself. They came to this world with the help of you, but they They are by your side not because of you, but they do not belong to you. What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts… There is a good saying: \”The so-called education is to squat down and communicate with children.\” When our eyes are on the same level as our children, we can truly get closer to their hearts.