The worse the bad mother, the better the child?

Two days ago, my colleague\’s daughter was infected with rotavirus. She vomited several times in the hospital and her fever never went away. When the call came, the company was in a meeting. She could only say a few words of comfort and then hung up. She secretly wiped away tears all day long. After get off work, when I hurried home with her, the child had already fallen asleep. When she heard that the child cried and called \”Mom\” for half an hour, she collapsed and slapped herself several times. Apologizing over and over again to her sleeping daughter: \”I\’m sorry, mom is not a good mother.\” How to Improve Emotional Intelligence Education Piglet and Elephant Picture Book Elephant and Piggie, 25 volumes in PDF + click-reading package + video + audio A colleague said: \”It\’s all my fault. , I can\’t let go of work, and I can\’t take care of my children well, I\’m really bad.\” As a mother, I understand her mood very well. After becoming mothers, we always unconsciously put the shackles of perfection on ourselves. We put away our bad temper and speak softly to our children; we are no longer willful and work hard to learn parenting knowledge; we are no longer cool and beautiful, and only our children are left in our lives… We wish we could be super mothers and make everything go smoothly for our children. But we still can\’t help but get angry at our children, feel guilty because our children are sick, and feel that we are a terrible mother because of various problems such as crying, lying, rebellion, poor study, etc. We have put in so much effort, but we can never be a good mother. The so-called perfect mother is just a scam. Why I want to mention this is because I watched a movie \”Bad Moms\” some time ago. Amy in the movie is such a perfect mother. Get up early every day to make breakfast and prepare lunch boxes for the children; send the children to school, and then rush to the company to work; seize the time after work to send the children to various cram schools; go to the supermarket to buy ingredients on the way home, and prepare dinner when you get home. ; In her spare time, she also had to participate in school activities, attend various school-family meetings, and help her children complete their homework… When she was tired, wronged, and collapsed, she hid in the car alone and cried to vent her tears. After crying, she continued to work. As a mother and a wife, she has to go to work, take care of household chores, and take care of her children. But no matter how hard or tiring she was, she never complained. Instead, she left her good mood to her family. She tried her best to be a good mother, but her husband complained that she had neglected him, while the children took her efforts for granted and were not grateful at all. Moreover, because of her omnipotence, she not only created an \”incompetent\” husband who didn\’t care about anything, but also hindered the growth of her children. The two children are obviously in their teens, but they only wait at the dinner table. They don\’t need to do any housework, they only need to study, but the son always fails the exam and doesn\’t like to study. The most distressing thing is that the children hate her. She finally realized that even if she was a mother, a chef, a nutritionist, a driver, a tutor, and a nanny all in one, even if she was brave, strong, gentle, capable, considerate, and worked hard to be a role model, she was still not good enough. The so-called perfect mother turns out to be a scam, \”kidnapping\” the mother to keep moving forward. In fact, only \”bad\” mothers can raise good children. \”Let\’s be a bad mother!\” Overwhelmed Amy finally fell in loveEmotionally collapsed, she decided to be a \”bad\” mother, stop focusing on her children, stop taking care of everything, and start enjoying life. Surprisingly, after experiencing initial disbelief, anger and resentment, her children gradually grew up and began to understand their mother. As educationist Qian Zhiliang said: \”Only \’bad\’ mothers can raise good children.\” Rather than blindly pursuing perfect mothers, it is better to be these three kinds of mothers, which is the best achievement for children. A mother who knows how to be \”lazy\” helps her children become independent. In \”The Boy Who Opens His Heart\”, there is a diligent mother who works from morning to night like a top. She not only takes care of her husband as the \”eldest son\”, but also dotes on her son. Became a \”baby\”. My 8-year-old son still doesn’t know how to use chopsticks. He asks his mother to feed him food, brush his teeth, drink yogurt and throw it on the ground. His life skills are basically zero. In school, boys are often laughed at by their classmates because of their poor hands-on skills. He said: \”My parents are not here, and I feel like I can\’t do anything.\” In fact, regarding the problem of children not being able to be independent, teacher Lu Qin once said that mothers are generally too capable and take care of everything, so naturally their children will not know anything. . Yes, if you do too much to help a child, the child will definitely become weak. To raise independent children, mothers must learn to be lazy. Just like Amy in the play, when she no longer takes care of everything, her children learn to take care of themselves and manage themselves. There is a \”lazy\” mother on Zhihu@小tailwolf. She will never do anything for her children that they can\’t do for them. She will let them complete eating, dressing, cleaning, etc. independently. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do well, the important thing is to participate and give children the opportunity to make mistakes, gain experience, and master methods. When children enter elementary school, focus on making them self-responsible. Give them an alarm clock and tell them what time to go out, so that children can learn to use their time rationally. The only thing she had to do was to withdraw her helping hand, resist the urge to urge her, and let the child do more. Nowadays, both children have strong self-care ability. Their clothes are neatly folded by category. They pack their schoolbags and school supplies in advance in the evening, prepare clothes for the next day, and take good care of themselves… As recognized in the field of education Yes, a child\’s ability is generally directly proportional to the lack of parental care. If the parents cannot complete 20% of the tasks for their children, the children have 20% of the ability. The all-powerful mother seems to remove all obstacles for her children, but she also squeezes out the space for her children to grow and deprives her children of their independence. Only when a mother is a little \”lazy\” can she achieve success for her children, allowing them to grow strong wings and soar into the sky. A \”cruel\” mother helps her children become better. There was a scene in the movie that particularly touched me. Faced with Amy\’s sudden abandonment, her son begged her to help him with his homework, but regardless of whether her son was being coquettish or trying to please her, Amy cruelly refused. Because she finally realized that as a mother, she was often too soft-hearted and made repeated compromises, only to spoil her son into a useless scumbag. Yes, it is a child’s nature to have fun and enjoy life, and it is a mother’s instinct to love and care for her children, but it is a mother’s wisdom to help her children restrain their willfulness. Mothers with foresight oftenA little \”cruel\”. Thinking of my cousin\’s sister-in-law, she advocated educating children to be \”cruel and not afraid of tears.\” In terms of principles, she was determined not to \”get used to\” children. My niece\’s handwriting was ugly, so her cousin-in-law enrolled her in a calligraphy class. My niece complained that she was tired and wanted to be lazy, so her cousin-in-law accompanied her to practice hard at the desk. Ever since she was a child, my niece had to rely on urging her to eat, sleep, and do her homework. Later, her cousin-in-law became cruel and ignored her. In the morning, she didn\’t shout and deliberately made her daughter late to improve her memory. After school, she didn\’t rush her, so she finished her homework slowly, so naturally she didn\’t have time to play… Growing up, my niece often complained about why other mothers pampered and loved their children, but her own mother always made her suffer and suffer. This summer, my niece was admitted to the 211 University as she wished. At the celebration banquet, her words were shocking as soon as she opened her mouth: \”I hate my mother. I hate her for forcing me to practice calligraphy. I hate her for forcing me to study. I hate her for being too cruel and not accompanying me.\” Doing homework, not calling me to get up, not helping me pack anything…\” Changing the topic, she said frankly: \”But if it weren\’t for my mother, I wouldn\’t have the self-discipline I have now, let alone get into the university of my choice. Mom, Thank you!\” All the dissatisfaction and resentment I had felt were relieved at that moment. There is a saying that goes well, mothers are the ferrymen of their children, don’t be soft-hearted when you should be cruel. True love never means letting children have their way and become flowers in the greenhouse. But let the child go through rain and wind and frost, so that he can grow into a towering tree. Children of mothers who are \”selfish\” tend to be happier. What is your biggest wish after becoming a mother? It\’s heartbreaking to say that in the 12 years since she became a mother, Amy\’s ultimate fantasy is still just that: having breakfast quietly alone. A survey shows that 80% of mothers do not take time to take care of their own needs. As mothers, we are often too \”selfless\” and always think that the more we pay for our children, the better for them. But they forget that if the mother is not happy, it is difficult for the child to be happy. If the mother does not have herself, it is difficult for the child to have self. Just like Zhu Yuchen\’s mother, she makes pear juice for her son at 4 a.m. every day for ten years. She copied all her son\’s Weibo posts and text messages in her notebook. Her son refused to eat chicken vegetables. She said: \”My hands were frozen to make this dish for you.\” She used her own life to love. Zhu Yuchen could not refuse the \”selfless\” love from her mother and could only bear it in pain. , bluntly said \”Mom will kill me.\” In fact, only by giving priority to nourishing herself can a mother love her children and life more fully. Just like the actor Liu Zi, when she became a mother for the first time, she regarded her son as everything to her and described her state as \”unable to extricate herself\”: she wished she could be with her child every day and never take her eyes off him for a moment. This kind of life made her anxious for a time. Fortunately, she later learned a lot about parenting and found that in addition to being selfless, she also needed to have methods and know how to adjust her mentality. She began to put herself first. She said: \”If a mother doesn\’t love herself, she won\’t love her children.\” She insists on exercising, running, swimming, and yoga, so that she is always full of energy. She has never given up on her dream of being a \”designer\”. While taking care of her children, she spends all her time studying and improving herself. After work, she enjoys life with her heart, cooking delicious food for her family and making exquisite presentations for herself. sonUnder her influence, I also have a pair of eyes to discover beauty and the ability to enjoy life. There is a saying that goes well: \”Happiness is a kind of ability that can be passed on but can never be given. If you want your child to be happy, you must first let her see your happy face.\” A mother burns herself like a candle to bring happiness to her child. It can only be an unbearable burden in life. Only when a mother loves herself first and lives herself as a beam of light can she warm her children and give them love and strength. Dr. James, an American education authority, once said: \”Parents and children are like a 100-point combination. When you get 90 points, the child only has 10 points; a parent with perfect points is definitely not a successful parent. Their \’love\’ is Like a double-edged sword, it hurts yourself and hurts your children.\” Yes, a smart mother never loves \”without reservation.\” The safety education content of the first lesson of school, Lebi Youyou\’s complete collection of popular science knowledge, 52 episodes, is to give yourself more love on the basis of loving your children, and give your children more letting go, bottom line and foresight. After all, life is a long road, and children must eventually walk it on their own. Only when mothers turn their love and reluctance for their children into cruelty can their children walk wider and farther. Only by living a good life first can a mother set the most powerful example for her children. For the rest of my life, I hope you and I will no longer demand that we be the \”perfect\” mother, and let ourselves and our children go. There\’s nothing wrong with being a \”bad\” mother.