Parents who are most popular with their children have this characteristic

Yesterday, a best friend came to my house for dinner and brought a New Year gift: a CUCCI scarf. I received the gift and started scolding her: \”You have become rich. You can\’t spend all your year-end bonus. Take it back and refund it! I told you that all you have to do is treat me to a meat and crab pot. Why are you so stubborn… \”I was talking a lot, and I found something was wrong – she didn\’t respond to me! I looked around again and saw her starting to tidy up beside the sofa. It turned out that she not only brought scarves, but also raked oranges, melon seeds and Snickers bars! It was like she was out for an autumn outing, and she started to put things on the tablecloth. Next, she would sit in a row with her friends and eat fruits. I suddenly felt that I was so ridiculous, just like a parent who meant so much, while she was the adolescent child who had her own way of doing things. I still added: \”Did you just hear what I said?\” She said: \”Yes, I want to hear everything you said, and then tell you: \’Returns are impossible! Things sent out cannot be returned. Yes, you are so determined.\” Then she clapped her hands, stood up, and started talking to me about the meal. I remember that the process of our meetings in the past was like this: she came to me with a question, I listened patiently and sorted it out one by one, and then she found the answer while sorting it out and said goodbye to me happily. But yesterday I found out that she is my teacher. What did she teach me? Just one word: slow. I have been short-tempered since I was a child. If I hadn\’t studied psychology, it would be hard for you to see me sitting calmly and enjoying a cup of tea. Because I always feel that there are many things waiting for me. Because of this, my family and children will be anxious because I am too impatient and they cannot keep up with my speed. Later, after continuous practice and deliberately practicing my \”being in the moment\”, my pace returned to the average of the masses. However, the vast majority of parents I have met in consultations have one thing in common, which is \”anxiety\”. And their impatience will bring great disadvantages to their children\’s education: 1. Unable to listen patiently to their children. The children said: Mom, I was criticized by the teacher in physical education class today because I ran too slow. . If you are in a hurry, you will say something like this: Then you don’t know how to run faster? If the long-distance running in the high school entrance examination is so slow, can you pass it? In fact, if you listen patiently, the child will tell you: There is something wrong with my shoes and the heel is broken. It is not because I am lazy. But because you were anxious, the child\’s desire to talk was instantly blocked. She felt that she was not understood, so she ran back to the room and ignored you. You still feel baffled! 2. You can’t handle your child’s emotions. Parents who have a bad temper obviously have insufficient battery when dealing with their children’s emotions. When a child cries, he either picks him up immediately and says, \”Baby, what\’s wrong? Are you hurt? Are you hungry? Are you cold?\” You won\’t give up until you ask for a reason. As long as the child tells you any reason, you will Start solving the problem immediately, ask for help, give comfort, and even give money and mobile phone. Because it breaks your heart to hear him cry. But this will cause the child to have zero ability to solve problems by himself in the future, because he knows that as long as I cry, my parents will solve it for me. The second type of parents who have a bad temper will reprimand their children: \”Why are you so fragile? You are not doing well and you are not capable enough. Why are you angry?Shut up, stop crying, and go back to your room! \”Because the child cannot face his \”incompetence\” and his vulnerability, he allows the child to block his emotions. This will cause the child to be unable to cope with his own emotions and accept his own vulnerability. 3. Unable to truly support the child\’s emergency The real reason for a bad-tempered parent is that his state of existence is uneasy, and he will project this uneasiness onto his children. Therefore, he will amplify every frown, every swear word, and every complaint of his child into Problems and difficulties. Then he will continue to think of various ways to try to solve these problems and difficulties. In this process, he only has \”problems and difficulties\” in his mind, but ignores the existence of \”people\”. The child is As an individual, he has his own perceptions and feelings, and he has the ability to solve problems, but his parents don\’t believe it. So when the child gets a bump, the parents have to apply medicine and send him to the hospital immediately; when the child\’s grades decline, he immediately looks for loopholes. Find a famous teacher. In this process, they enter a state of selflessness. The child, the client, seems to have become a bystander in his life. His motivation and ability are all wasted in the process of parents\’ emergency rescue. Exhausted. So, a rush adds to chaos. The ancients said: think twice before you act. Others say: it is faster to take your time. So, let’s see what it will look like if you take it half a step slower? Let’s talk about mine Best friend. She said that one day her daughter had a dinner date with her friends and said they were going to eat KFC nearby. The classmate asked: Who sent you here? She said: My mom. (Because she was only 12 years old) The classmate asked again: Your mother is following you. Come on, will you take care of us? My best friend\’s daughter replied: Don\’t worry, my mother is very silly, she won\’t take care of us. When my classmate heard the word \”shackle\”, he felt relieved, so they made an appointment. . What does sand sculpture mean? My best friend replied: someone who is dull, stupid, and slow… She was still smiling when she explained it to me, and she didn’t feel that she was \”satisfied\” at all. So, her two daughters are both I like her very much and often say: My mother is really great. We read a book called \”Child, Take Your Time\”, and many parents began to think: How can I support my children to take their time? In fact, You don\’t need to think at all, you just need to take your time first. 1. When the child asks a question, answer slowly. Impatient parents long to be their children\’s teachers, hoping to fill their children\’s heads with poems and books. Parents who are slow to respond often repeat their children\’s questions: How does the plane take off? Why can\’t men have children? Why did the old Wang family next door quarrel with his wife again? After repeating it, they just stood there, feeling innocent and helpless. Then the child will become anxious: Oh, I guess you don’t know either. I know the answer, do you want to listen? The parent said: Come and listen, I want to hear it. So the child started to talk blah blah blah. She got up and spoke louder and louder. Because she felt that she had discovered a new world and surpassed her parents, her self-confidence was activated. 2. When a child has emotions, it is normal for people to slow down and react to emotions like \”shit and pee\” Reaction. Impatient parents can\’t stand their children\’s emotions. They are either distressed or angry. They don\’t wait to figure it out.The ins and outs were dealt with in a drastic manner, and it was easy to cause secondary damage. Parents who are slow to see their children\’s emotions will stop, feel themselves first, and then observe their children. There is no judgment or worry in this process. After you have straightened yourself out, you will approach the child and ask the child what happened. What the child feels is a calm atmosphere. Even if he was tense just now, he can quickly settle down, express his \”pain\”, and ask his parents for comfort or advice. During this process, children\’s emotions will rise and fall, and they will be more willing to trust their parents. 3. Be the child\’s supporter, not the tutor. My best friend said that her English is terrible, her husband is better, and in a family of four, her English level is at the bottom of the contempt chain. But she was not pessimistic at all and said: How great, I don’t have to worry about their English anymore. Many of our parents hope that they can learn a lot and cover everything. Once their children learn something, they will rush to give all kinds of suggestions and methods, which will make the children lose interest. Because no matter how hard you work, your parents will say: Look, your grades have improved after listening to your father, right? Parents who are slow to take credit will not take credit because they don\’t want to exhaust themselves to death: I just do my job well, how can I have so much energy to be her encyclopedia! Let her handle her own affairs! If she didn\’t do well in the exam, I would be sad with her for a while. This is the border. The child\’s affairs belong to the child. If you are not anxious, she will be. Once you are anxious, she does not need to be anxious. When we were children, we envied those who rode cars because they were faster than bicycles, and even more envied those who rode trains because they were more advanced than tractors. However, in this era, \”fast\” has become a symbol of the times, and you can experience the rapid changes in society even while lying down. Therefore, \”slowness\” has become a scarce resource again. Many parents are pursuing a gentle and stable parenting state, and from my best friend’s story, I found the premise of gentleness and stability, which is “slowness”. Experience slowly, react slowly, and take action slowly. It seems that silence is better than sound, and it seems that there is a trick to win without any tricks. It is extremely advanced and can win in this era and not be swallowed up by the trend.