A collection of topics and techniques for chatting with adolescent children

Remember that tragedy? On the Lupu Bridge in Shanghai, a boy suddenly ran out of the car and quickly jumped off the bridge. The boy\’s mother who followed him knelt down and cried bitterly because she failed to catch him… After the relevant video was uploaded to the Internet, it attracted widespread attention and made many people sigh. . According to news reports, this boy had a conflict with a classmate at school and was scolded when he told his mother. Finally, he became so angry that he took the road of despair. We do not intend to accuse the child of being too fragile, or that the mother should not have parked on the bridge or failed to control her emotions. In fact, the significance of this incident to us should be to trigger us to think about how parents should interact with their children, especially Do adolescent children communicate effectively? Many mothers complain that as their children grow older, they talk less and less to their families. The most effective complete set of video courses on parent-child communication and coordination skills. Sometimes when adults ask \”How was your day?\” the answer is often \”Okay, pretty good\” and nothing further. On the surface, the child seems quite obedient, but in fact, he has his own little Jiujiu inside, but he just doesn\’t tell his parents. So as parents, how do we communicate effectively with our children, especially adolescent children? The most annoying and useless way for children to chat 1. Too purposeful When many parents chat with their children, they often end up preaching. For example: Parent: \”How was your stay at school today?\” Child: \”I learned a lot of new knowledge today.\” Parent: \”Just learn new knowledge. You must learn more knowledge, otherwise you will have to move bricks in the future. \”Child:… Parent: \”Are you having a good time today?\” Child: \”Well, I met a new friend today and we really chatted.\” Parent: \”It\’s okay to make friends, but we can\’t play together often. First of all, Let’s talk about it after we finish studying.” Child: …Look, we can talk about anything and everything will be about studying. Originally, the child wanted to share something with you, but in the end he often ended up speechless. In fact, this kind of purposeful chat by parents is just a kind of unilateral indoctrination. They tell their children to study hard. This method often does not require parents to spend too much time thinking and organizing language, and is the simplest and most trouble-free. . But the effect achieved by this method of chatting is minimal. 2. Ask the children to report as if they were interrogating. When many parents go to school to pick up their children from school, they constantly ask about their children\’s status at school today. Asking this question every day seems to form a pattern, and over time, the child\’s answers begin to become patterned: \”Well, not bad, not bad, pretty good…\” With such a response, parents will not get any effective information. . If parents keep asking questions, the child will probably be so annoyed that he can\’t help but lose his temper, let alone have a good chat. 3. Don’t think that you can chat. This is how parents chat to death. Don’t think that chatting is easy, especially when the target is a child. When faced with an opponent who doesn’t play by the rules at all, parents can easily chat to death. . For example: Child: \”Mom, I want to tell you something.\” (The child initiated the chat signal) Mother: \”Tell me.\” (a little impatient) Child: \”Mom, I want to buy aA pair of sneakers. \”Mom:\” What should I buy? Aren’t there so many shoes? ” Child: “Just buy me a pair.” \”Mom: \”Don\’t buy it, go do your homework quickly!\” \”Child: \”Humph! If you don’t buy it, I won’t do my homework! \”This not only kills the conversation, but also arouses conflicts between children and parents. Why bother? If the mother can further ask the child the reason when the child makes a request: Mother: \”Why do you suddenly want to buy sneakers?\” Child: \” Because our school is going to hold a sports meeting and I want to participate in the competition. \”Mom:\” So what competition are you going to participate in? \”Child: \”I want to participate… And you know, mom, today the teacher praised me for running fast and suggested that I join the school track and field team…\” Look, if you can calm down and accept your child Communication signals, there are many, many things your children can tell you… Therefore, if you happen to be busy when your children communicate with you, you would rather let your children wait for a while than rush to deal with them. Protect your children\’s willingness to communicate. Important! Don’t chat just for the sake of chatting. Chatting also pays attention to methods 1. Learn to listen. Listening does not mean that parents just close their mouths and sit there and just listen. The best listening requires interaction. Even if you give an affirmative look, the child will I will be interested in chatting with you. 2. Don’t act like you know everything. A friend is well-known in his circle of friends for his witty eloquence and extraordinary insights, but his adolescent son is very opposed to him and either doesn’t speak or quarrels when he speaks. Later, he Realizing that the root of the problem lies with himself: whenever his son opens his mouth, he is often criticized… He calls his communication method \”no grass grows under the big tree.\” It\’s not that his views are wrong or bad, his son Don\’t listen, because he is so right and capable, which makes his son look \”melon\”. As a result, his son is too lazy to say anything in front of him. 3. Pick the right time. Chatting cannot be done anytime and anywhere. For example, when a child is concentrating on watching TV or playing on his mobile phone, a parent suddenly comes over to chat. If you think about it from their perspective, no one wants to be disturbed, and the result will definitely be perfunctory. Therefore, try to be calm when everyone is chatting. , and when there is nothing important. If parents really have something very important to talk to their children, then let the children stop what they are doing and chat seriously. 4. Focus on the key points. \”Pull the cow by the nose, and hit the snake seven inches.\” If the parent fails to grasp the point of the conversation, he will ask him in general terms all day long that he should be like this and that, and he will repeatedly tell him to \”study hard\” as soon as they meet, and keep talking about clichés all day long. It’s strange that the child is not annoyed! On the contrary, if parents usually observe more, actively communicate with teachers, and go to the school more often to understand some real and specific situations, then once the conversation is held, the content of \”something at such a time, such a time, such a day, such a month\” Confirmed and specific, the child will be hit on the acupuncture point all of a sudden. He will know that you are really paying attention to him and will not make excuses. If you continue to talk, the effect will be completely different. 5. Show weakness appropriately. During the communication process between parents and children, parents should remind themselves: Parent-child Relationships come first. Children, especially adolescenceChildren are more sensitive, and parents should train their awareness in communication. When you feel tension in a relationship, you should restrain yourself and find ways to repair it. When adolescent children have emotional outbursts, they should not be forced to do so. Parents can show weakness appropriately and comfort them, and then continue to discuss controversial topics when their children\’s emotions have calmed down. When adolescent children encounter problems, they will have their own opinions. Even if parents know the best solution, they should not tell their children directly, let alone force their children to listen and adopt it. It is recommended to use questioning communication. For example: How do you think this matter should be handled better? What do you need your parents to do for you? Do you want to hear our thoughts on this matter? Respect children and believe in them. Kahlil Gibran wrote this in his poem \”Your children are not actually your children\”: Your children are not actually your children. They are the children born of life\’s desire for itself. They come to this world through you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. What you can give them is your love, but not your thoughts, because they have their own thoughts. In recent years, everyone has become more and more aware of the importance of \”the way of speaking\”. As parents, you must also learn the \”way of speaking\” when communicating with your children. Prerequisites for communicating with children: Recognize the child\’s independence, understand him from the child\’s perspective, respect him as an equal, and persuade him through reasoning; point out problems while giving him enough face, find shortcomings and be good at affirming them. Let’s encourage all parents!