How to cultivate children\’s independent testing?

There was a mother who had a conflict with her child because her child did not put away the yoga mat on the floor in time. The mother believed that she should do her own thing and put away things after use. The child thinks it’s okay to put it away later, or if the mother helps put it away. The mother feels that she cannot spoil her child and wants to cultivate her child\’s independence. The child thinks that the mother is not tolerant, and becomes antagonizing towards the mother. The more she gives in, the less she accepts. In fact, this matter is easy for both the mother and the child, and it really doesn\’t cause any conflict. There is nothing wrong with mothers wanting to cultivate their children’s independence, but we must also use the right methods. How do we cultivate children\’s independence? I believe that many parents want to cultivate their children\’s independence. We let children pack their own schoolbags and desks, let children think independently, and let children do housework within their ability. All of these are to cultivate children\’s independence. Have we really achieved it during specific operations? I heard that a mother, in order to cultivate the habit of putting away toys independently in her children, would throw the unpacked toys out of the window when she saw that the children had not put away the toys. The purpose was to make the children remember. Maybe the child can really have a long memory and achieve the goal of tidying up toys that the mother expected, but how does the child feel? The child may feel that he was the one being thrown out of the window, and may feel that he is being rejected by his mother. Toys are companions to a child, how painful will her heart be? Although the mother achieved her goal of letting the child take care of herself in the short term, has the child\’s independence really been established? We can recall what we usually say and do when cultivating children’s independence? Do we order, demand, threaten our children? When children fail to do or do well, do we have negative emotions such as complaints, disapproval, and anger? The \”independence\” formed under our strict requirements is not true independence, because it is not what the child wants to do, and even if he does it, he will feel very uncomfortable. Just like when we are full, someone else gives you the same feeling when someone forces a mouthful of rice on you. Independence is supported by autonomy. Once when I was chatting with my children, the children said: \”Moms, please don\’t rush your children. In fact, your children know what to do? They were already about to do it, but when their mothers pushed them, they felt a sense of accomplishment.\” It’s not the child’s anymore.” I suddenly realized that in the process of guiding our children, it doesn’t matter whether we achieve the result or not. What matters is whether the child decided on his own. Independence supported by autonomy is true independence, because children can get a sense of accomplishment and value from it. The results of our requests and orders are only independent phenomena, not truly independent. Independence without autonomy is false independence, just like a castle in the air without a foundation. Without autonomy in doing things, it is easy to follow the rules and do things just to complete other people\’s tasks and meet other people\’s expectations, like a robot. True independence is independence of thought. If a child is not good at a certain aspect, or is unwilling to do it, but he can solve the problem through other ways, would you think such a child is independent? I think this is independence because he has the ability to think independently and be able to face problems and solve themquestion. No one is perfect. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Being able to integrate resources and ultimately solve problems through their own thoughts and abilities is a sign of independence. After Yao Jiaxin hit someone with his car and injured him, the moment he made the decision that \”injury is worse than death\” was because the first thing that came to his mind was that he was afraid that someone would get in trouble with his family and cause trouble. It can be seen that although he is an adult, his parents still influence his thinking at the first moment, and he does not have the ability to think and judge independently. Let children manage their skills independently and arrange their time reasonably. All three volumes in PDF form. Parental love is a graceful exit. As a child grows up, he needs to go into society independently and face and deal with many problems on his own. If one cannot be independent in thought and considers not the problem itself but the reactions of others when making decisions, then the decision is not his own and does not possess independence. Cultivating children\’s independence starts from giving children independent space, with independence of thought as the main line, and everything else as auxiliary. How to cultivate children\’s independence. Children are independent individuals, and we only accompany them. First of all, we cannot regard our children as our appendages. He is an independent individual, but he is not independent yet and needs our help and companionship. Every child has his own innate temperament. We should conform to the child\’s nature and temperament and help him become himself, not what we want. Give appropriate autonomy according to the child\’s age. Each stage of the child\’s growth has its own development needs. According to the child\’s age and development, provide sufficient autonomy above the safety and moral bottom line, so that the child feels that he has autonomy. Ability. Inspire children\’s thinking, and do not make decisions for them easily. When they encounter problems, let them find their own answers through guidance and provide encouragement so that they can realize their own value. When the child\’s ability is not up to the level, you can give the child some guidance, give the child several options to choose from, or inspire the child to see if there are any better ideas, so as to cultivate the child\’s ability to think independently. Cultivating the ability to think independently should not be about requirements and orders, but guidance. Requests and orders can only cause emotional confrontation in children and cannot help children think. Help the child succeed, rather than attack his failure. When the child thinks and makes his own choices, even if his plan is not the best, it may not be feasible, but if there is no danger, it will not hurt. For others, let the children try. The experience gained by children in the process of trying is the most valuable for children. When a child fails to succeed, we must not be sarcastic, but guide and adjust the plan to encourage the child to achieve it, so that the child can gain something in the process of doing things. If it is not achieved, affirm the child\’s enthusiasm for doing things, analyze the reasons with the child, and encourage him to try again.