Why did the child become rebellious?

A few days ago, I took my daughter to a restaurant for dinner. During the meal, my daughter picked out the carrots in her bowl and asked me if I wanted to eat them. I blurted out without thinking: \”Just give me the food you don\’t like!\” She glanced at me, stopped talking, and continued to eat silently with her head down. After a while, my daughter saw that I hadn’t eaten the sandwich, so she handed me the half-left sandwich in her hand. But I hummed softly: \”You gave it to me because you couldn\’t eat it anymore!\” At this time, my daughter seemed to be unable to bear it anymore: \”You say you judge a gentleman\’s belly with a villain\’s heart, why do you always think the worst of me? Ah!\” Looking at her angry expression, I didn\’t feel that I had wronged her at all. I felt that my child had been like this since she was a child. But after that, my daughter was always depressed and rarely talked to me. In life, it seems that many parents are accustomed to using their own stereotypes to view their children. They feel that they can see through their children\’s little thoughts at a glance, and then express their opinions at will, but they have never considered the impact of these words on their children. Influence. Those blurted out \”speculations\” actually hide the greatest malice towards children. As parents, we really have to ask ourselves at all times: Did I really not misunderstand my child? All 15 volumes of the original English version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid can be read online in ultra-clear pdf+mp3+4 movies. Yesterday I just finished reading a book – \”The Parent-Child Communication Code\”. The book says that when communicating with children, we need to \”clear stereotypes.\” There is a case written in the book. A mother came to consult the author Zou Lu and complained to her: She complained that the elder brother at home always bullied the younger brother, snatched his younger brother\’s toys, was not polite, and liked to curse… There seemed to be no advantage at all. At this time, the author asked her mother: \”Please find the antonym of bullying the younger brother.\” The mother said: \”That is to love the younger brother.\” She also asked her mother to think back to the scene where the eldest child cherishes the younger brother. The mother also gave many examples: \” When my brother was a child, he helped me pass the milk bottle. Last time I went out without him, he reminded me to buy a gift…\” At the end of the sentence, the mother suddenly realized that in fact, my brother really loves his brother and is very good to him. How could I just stare at him? Why not encourage him to love and protect his younger brother? Too many prejudices fill the hearts of parents, hurting the hearts of many children and eroding their character. When parents learn to eliminate prejudices in their hearts, they will easily find that their children are smart, lively, and constantly changing and growing. There was a scene in the variety show \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”? As soon as Lin Yongjian\’s son Dajun entered the room, he stuffed all the rows of yogurt on the table into his schoolbag. When his father came into the house and saw it, he immediately scolded him sternly: \”Don\’t pretend, why are you pretending? It\’s not good for you to do this!\” He looked at his son\’s calm and overwhelmed look, and put the yogurt in his schoolbag away. , and asked Da Jun to stay in confinement and reflect in the room. After a while, he took Dajun outside for a heart-to-heart talk, and started with another lecture: \”It\’s not good to take advantage. Why should we take advantage…\” And Dajun said frankly: \”I want to do something else.\” The child doesn’t seem to have one.” After hearing this, he understood that he had misunderstood the child and immediately askedThe son apologized. In fact, children will inevitably make mistakes and mistakes, but some parents magnify these mistakes into selfishness and indifference. If parents do not have the patience to experience the details of their children\’s growth, they will naturally not be able to see their children\’s hearts and needs, and they can only constantly enlarge their own perspectives to judge whether their children are right or wrong, which can easily lead to misjudgments. Many times, it\’s not that the children are not good enough, but that the parents look at their children with colored glasses. We always feel that our children are not sensible and obedient enough, but perhaps we have never taken a serious look at their hearts. Thoreau once said: \”It\’s never too late to let go of your prejudices.\” As long as parents are willing to take the time to listen patiently and communicate, they will find that the unfavorable comments from their parents actually only amplify the prejudices in their hearts. A few days ago, I discovered that my daughter was \”rebellious\”. Before, my daughter would help me with housework in daily life. Now, she doesn\’t do any work at all. She is very serious. She doesn\’t suffer at all when playing with her sister. Whenever she says a few words to her, she turns cold and cold. He slammed the door and entered the house. Now, except for washing, eating, and going to the toilet, my daughter never leaves her bedroom. She stays in her room every day not knowing what to do. Once, I casually said at the dinner table: \”Why are you becoming more and more ignorant now? Are you so rebellious! Do you have to confront others?\” Unexpectedly, my daughter snorted: \”Didn\’t you always say that I am cold and selfish before? Well, you said this about me and missed me, how can I not do this!\” After saying that, she slammed the door and entered the room again, leaving me sitting there in confusion. It turns out that it was the words I once blurted out that made the child feel that \”this is already the case anyway\” and it would be better to \”break the can and break it\”. Once a child is labeled as \”bad\”, it is easy for a child to become the same bad person in the label. Psychologist W.I. Thomas once said: \”If people regard situations as realistic, then their consequences will also be realistic.\” This is the \”self-fulfilling prophecy\” proposed by psychologist Robert Merton, also known as \”self-fulfilling prophecy\” Prove the prophecy.\” It means that our attitude towards others will affect other people\’s behavior, and ultimately affect their view of themselves. Parents\’ bad \”random speculations\” will eventually become a life prediction that their children will gradually become worse and more rebellious. As time goes by, when the child gets tired of explaining and buries all the arguments in his heart, the parent-child relationship between you will gradually drift away. Behind the seemingly simple \”speculation\” lies the bomb of the child\’s \”rebellion\” and the fuse that worsens the parent-child relationship. There is a saying in \”Smart Parenting\”: \”Wrong parenting methods create wrong children, and their resulting influence is far more than parents imagine.\” Smart parents know how to let go of their prejudices and be full of expectations. , look at the child\’s strengths and weaknesses from a growth perspective, and constantly guide, affirm and encourage him. Therefore, the most advanced family education is not to \”manage\” but to \”understand\” children. 1. Calm down and listen to your child. I once saw a mother sharing: She came home from get off work in the evening and was preparing dinner. When she came out of the kitchen and saw that scene, a volcano almost erupted. She saw that her daughter was covered in lipstick from her eyes to her chin and forehead. she\’s in controlShe lost her temper and gently expressed her dissatisfaction to her daughter: \”Sissi, you wasted my lipstick like this, and I\’m very angry.\” However, before she finished speaking, her daughter said seriously: \”Mom, I I put on devilish makeup just to make you happy.\” She couldn\’t laugh or cry. Looking at her daughter\’s happy face, she thought to herself: Fortunately, her way of handling it was not to get angry, accuse or complain about her child. Sometimes, things are not as they seem to parents, but we do not understand the motivations behind our children\’s behavior. Therefore, the moment when a child makes a mistake is actually the most testing moment for parents. Whether they can calm down in time and listen to the child\’s voice is the key. Once handled inappropriately, it can easily lead to conflicts and misunderstandings between parents and children, and the most hurtful misunderstanding in the world is the misunderstanding between parents and their children. 2. Squat down and read a story from the perspective of a child: a mother took her daughter to a party, which had gorgeous decorations, gorgeous lights, and sumptuous food. She thought her daughter would be happy, but her daughter remained depressed and held her hand to leave. She scolded her daughter, who sat on the ground and started crying, so she had to squat down and pull her up. But the moment she squatted down, the world in her eyes was only the swaying thighs and the high table. It was completely different from the beautiful scenery she had seen before. At that moment, she understood her daughter\’s crying. In fact, squatting down is not only a simple act, but also a change of position from the child\’s perspective. In the eyes of children, you are no longer superior, but a friend on their level. Only when you learn to let go of your superior mentality, squat down, and mingle with your children can you truly understand their world. 3. Open your heart and reconcile with your child\’s \”rebellion\”. When a child grows up, it is inevitable that he will have conflicts with his parents. At this time, the parents will feel that the child is \”rebellious\”. They are obviously a family that loves each other, but they are always at war with each other. The parents accuse and complain about their children, and the children respond coldly… Instead of always having a quarrel with the children, it is better to open up and reconcile with the children\’s \”rebellion\”. Stop nagging and yelling: Nagging is of no use and will only increase the child\’s antagonism. Once yelling prompts both parties to secrete a large amount of adrenaline, parents and children will inevitably have fierce quarrels. Discover one of the child\’s strengths every day and tell him: This not only prompts parents to change their perspective and discover the child\’s shining points, but also slowly softens the child\’s \”rebellion\”. When parents learn to open up and reconcile their children\’s \”rebellion\”, the children will naturally feel your kindness and love. Naturally, the children will become loving and the parent-child relationship will become more harmonious. Psychologist Rosenthal once warned us: \”Children will eventually live like what we describe in our mouths.\” In fact, the most common mistake parents make is to think that they understand their children and use this kind of \”random speculation\” \”Guide your child\’s behavior. Only when parents get more into their children\’s hearts can they clearly understand where there are cliffs and dangerous peaks in their children\’s world. I hope every parent in the world can discover the bright spots in their children in time. I hope that every child in the world will not suffer from the malicious intentions of their parents\’ \”random speculation\”, be their most confident self, and experienceEvery kind love in the world.