How do parents communicate when their children are bullied?

Recharge your courage? Overdraft? Mothers in the group often ask me: \”What should I do if my child is bullied outside?\” For example, a mother shared that one time they were at the playground, and her child first went to play with a child named A, but A Said: \”Go away, I don\’t want to play with you!\” Her child was feeling sad, and then another child came over and called B. B said: \”Come here and I will play with you.\” Her child ran away happily. I used to play with B, but B suddenly said: \”Oh, I lied to you! I won\’t play with you either!\” I will talk about the solution first, and then talk about the underlying logic. What should parents do when their children are bullied? A more effective method than teaching \”fight back\” is… Solution No matter what the situation, always pick those moments that give the child a sense of power and say: \”Mom, when you see you take the initiative to go You were looking for child A to play, and you were very friendly and confident. After child A rejected you, not only did you not walk away frustrated, but you immediately accepted child B\’s invitation, as confident and sunny as a little sun.\” \”Mom, not at all. I\’m not worried about your ability to make friends. Mom knows that you can make good friends quickly wherever you go. Instead, Mom is a little worried about the two children. They seem to be still learning how to accept invitations from others, even if they want to They have to play by themselves for a while, they don\’t know how to express themselves in a friendly way.\” The underlying logic here is that since the child has suffered setbacks and his \”courage value\” has dropped, we as parents need to use our limited resources to Spend your energy immediately on \”recharging your courage\” instead of continuing to drain your child\’s courage. At this time, there are two common ways for parents to consume their children’s courage❌. He rushed up to kid B and said, \”Why are you going back on your word? Aren\’t you playing tricks on our children!\” The world of a child is simple and cruel. Maybe he just thinks it\’s fun like this. \”Going back on your word\” is part of his game. So if we ask this question, we are likely to get a response that makes us even more angry. More importantly, we waste our limited energy. The child\’s courage cannot be rebuilt from the kid who bullied him, he can only get it from us. Let the child immediately use the \”balance\” of his courage to find other children to play – this is actually what many parents do. They feel that the child cannot withstand setbacks and should become more courageous as time goes by… In fact, do you know, \”self There is no need to learn about consumption. In the end, the most the child learns is that \”making friends is tiring, and everything is tiring.\” What he really needs to learn is: • Does \”being treated unkindly\” mean that I am not worthy? • \”Being bullied\”, does it mean that I am not worthy because of other people\’s shortcomings or because of my unworthiness? The underlying logic of a lifetime is that when many people grow up and meet someone who treats them well, their first reaction is: He is so nice, he is so kind, and he doesn’t even dislike me. When I meet someone who treats me badly, my first reaction is: It’s all my fault, I’m not good enough. Base your own happiness on your expectations of others – others are good,It\’s all the credit of others and their education; and if others are bad, it\’s all my fault, and my self-evaluation is extremely low. This kind of thinking will harm a person\’s interpersonal relationships, love relationships, and marriage relationships, which is the source of a person\’s internal friction. A healthy thinking should be: He treats me well because I am worthy; he hurts me because he has obstacles that he cannot overcome; he has unresolved issues, and I can choose to ignore or leave. This is actually why I am passionate about parenting, because what we educate is not the child in front of us, but a person in the future. He needs to walk in this world independently, and he will encounter many setbacks that you cannot foresee. What kind of mentality do you want him to use to face these setbacks alone? There is no use sitting at home and worrying. Let\’s use knowledge and thinking together to fight anxiety.