How to be a positive mother

As my daughter gets older, I feel more and more powerless in educating her. My daughter is in fifth grade this year. Like many children who don’t like to study, she has a lot of problems. I didn’t listen carefully in class and couldn’t concentrate. When I got home and opened the book, I said I didn’t know this or that. Homework is also very procrastinating and slow. After dinner, if I don\’t urge her three or four times, she will stay on the sofa and watch TV. Moreover, the learning efficiency is extremely low. I often write until midnight, and finally finish it in a messy way. I just kept watching her until the fifth grade. I felt that she had all the bad study habits. Sometimes when I see her looking unmotivated and unmotivated, I really hate the iron, and I always have to scold her severely to relieve my anger. The husband is always busy with work and has very little time to spend with the children. There has been little communication between the father and daughter. In the past few years, because I am in charge of her studies, I often have conflicts with her, and my daughter is not close to me. Especially now, because she is getting more and more tired of studying and her grades have dropped sharply, I often cannot control my emotions and teach her harshly. Sometimes my daughter would become very impatient when she was told something, and she would end up crying and losing her temper, which made me irritable and restless. On the weekend, my husband and I took our daughter and friends to a farmhouse for two days. As a result, that night, my daughter refused to do her homework no matter what. I asked her: \”I promised you well when you were at home that you would not fall behind in your studies when you came out. I just brought you out. Why don\’t you keep your promises now?\” My daughter said irritably. He said, \”I don\’t want to write. I\’ll write when I get home! Stop talking!\” His whiny look instantly made me furious. I threw all her homework on the ground: \”If you don\’t write it back, don\’t write it. Anyway, the teacher at school will scold you!\” My daughter burst into tears, and her friends came over to try to persuade her. After my husband scolded my daughter, he said to me unhappily: \”Why can\’t you take care of your children at home? You can\’t study well, and your personality is so bad!\” I was so angry that I almost cried! Is the child mine alone? That weekend, the family broke up. After returning home, my husband and I had a cold war for a few days. After calming down, I realized that I seemed to be becoming more and more anxious, and sometimes I would get emotional over the smallest things. Just like this time I lost my temper with my daughter. In fact, it’s okay to go home and do homework. Why do I have to force my children to do it when they go out to play? After realizing this, I found that I had to make changes, not only about my own anxiety, but also about how to help my daughter find the motivation to study and study more attentively. I began to search online to see if there were any good educational methods, and also started to read some educational books. After a period of study, I found that there were two main aspects that I needed to change: 1. Adjust my inner emotional state and become a Be a stable supporter of the child and do not become the child\’s accuser; 2. Help the child find her own sense of value, so that the child has the confidence to get better, so that she has the motivation to work hard. Looking back at the beginning, my daughter often stayed by my side after school and wanted to talk to me intimately., also likes to tell me what happened in school. But I always feel that she is wasting time and urge her to study and do homework quickly. When my daughter sits down and starts studying, I always urge her and habitually use criticism, accusation, and nagging to educate her, and rarely give encouragement or praise. As a result, my relationship with my children is getting worse and worse! Even as soon as I opened my mouth, she covered her ears with both hands, making me almost mad… Later I realized that when I was angry, I was actually venting my emotions more and could not play an educational role at all. How can we ask children to be obedient and make changes in this way? Fortunately, I did not give up on the idea of ​​becoming a good parent, and began to study continuously. Gradually I gained an understanding of scientific education methods, and also realized the problems and deficiencies in my daily education. Finally, I made a change, and my daughter also changed dramatically due to my change. 1. Sort out and regulate my own emotions, and be the leader of a happy and warm atmosphere in the family. In the family, a mother\’s emotions have a critical impact on the state of her children at all times. When a child becomes aware of her mother\’s negative emotions, she will be fearful and sensitive. In this state, it is difficult for the child to have a good parent-child interaction with her parents. Moreover, the child\’s emotions and attention will also be consumed in responding to the parent\’s changing emotions, making him unable to calm down and focus on learning. Only when a mother\’s emotions are calm can she have a healthy communication with her child and see her child show his true side. Only in this way can we discover some of the child\’s problems in time, help her analyze and solve them together, and give the child effective guidance. Having said that, it is really difficult for parents to keep their emotions calm when faced with children who have bad habits and avoid studying. I learned a set of methods to regulate my emotions, which are very useful. Drink water first to get yourself out of the current negative emotional state, and then look at what you are thinking deep down when your emotions are high. When I see my emotions, I can manage and channel them well, making myself more peaceful. In this way, I feel more and more confident to answer the questions raised by my children, and I feel more and more energetic and fulfilled. 2. Discover an advantage of the child every day, remember the child\’s good qualities, affirm the child, improve the child\’s self-esteem, and let the child have a good \”feeling\” for learning. Only children who are affirmed by their parents will have strong self-confidence. Only then will you have the motivation to pursue beauty! At the beginning, my attention was still involuntarily focused on my daughter\’s \”problem\”. But gradually, I found that this method is very useful. I will tell her: every time you finish eating, you will clean your desk; you will carefully pack your schoolbag without my reminding, and never leave anything behind; what will you do today? I was able to do my homework as soon as I got home, and I was very attentive, without half-heartedness, and my homework efficiency improved a lot;…it lasted for more than a month, and I found the effect. In the past, my daughter always did her homework half-heartedly, but now she can sit there quietly for half an hour, sometimes even an hour, and concentrate on her homework. When a child faces life, after her \”feeling\” for learning becomes better, she will naturally no longer reject learning, and will be more willing to do things with her heart. 3. It is particularly important to help children make some progress in a certain area and increase their sense of self-worth. Many times, children are unwilling to study hard because they have not tasted the \”sweetness\” of learning. Helping a child make some progress in a certain aspect will give her a sense of accomplishment. When she experiences a sense of accomplishment, she will believe that she can do well through hard work and consider herself to be a studious and good at learning child. This feeling of progress will become the source of all her future efforts. I started with the essays that my daughter liked, and read a prose with her every day. I did not hesitate to praise her and praised her weekly diary in various ways. With the accumulation of more words and phrases, and my rainbow fart, my daughter’s composition writing has become more and more comfortable. In one class, the teacher praised her daughter very much. Since then, my daughter has been greatly inspired and she believes that she has the talent and IQ to learn. This small positive thing has turned into something that brings compound interest effects. The sense of value gained in composition has made my daughter no longer afraid of studying other subjects. When I come home from school every day, I do my homework and review my homework more seriously than before. The school teacher also reported to me that she often raised her hand to answer questions at school, and her overall state seemed much more positive and confident than before. And what I need to do is to keep helping her roll this snowball down. In a short period of time, my daughter has changed a lot, and I have also changed a lot. My whole person has become very peaceful. The whole family said that I am in very good condition. Today, my daughter is full of motivation to study, and the parent-child relationship and family atmosphere are getting better and better. I remember a sentence in \”The Best Education Is Not Anxious\”: \”There is a prerequisite for disciplining children, that is, the children must \’identify\’ with you in their hearts and have a sufficient emotional foundation with you.\” And the best \”identification\” is Love and listen, empathize and encourage. When a child knows that there is no need to hide his feelings and that someone is willing to share them with him, he will no longer resist your approach and will be more willing to accept discipline. When a mother knows how to lower her stance and listen to her children equally and patiently, the children will feel respected, cared for, and understood, and they will consciously adjust their behavior and strive to make themselves better. When raising children, you really shouldn’t be too anxious. A family is lucky to have a peaceful mood. Be a positive mother and bring love and hope to your children. This feeling of peace of mind and joy will nourish every family member and make the whole family better and better. Click \”Like\” and hope that we can all be mothers with rich hearts and full of positive energy, nourish our children with love, and face the mountains on the road to parenting with good emotions.