Psychological development and educational parenting strategies for children aged 0-18 years old, treasured

My sister called me a few days ago, crying and saying that her nephew has become very strange and unreasonable since he entered junior high school. When I come back from school every day, as soon as the door is closed and locked, I hide in the room and play with my mobile phone. The test scores were getting lower every time. I couldn\’t help but remind him several times, and my nephew yelled and threw things. A while ago, my brother-in-law said a few words too much, and my nephew even threatened to jump off the building! My sister cried in despair and helplessness: \”I can\’t hit or scold, and now I can\’t even talk. Why is this?\” Because she missed the best time for psychological construction. Psychologist Bai Yanyi emphasizes: Children’s psychological development follows rules! By the time the problem occurs, the best opportunity for correction has already been lost. Only by grasping the child\’s growth characteristics and providing correct psychological care at each stage will management become easier and the child\’s path will become smoother. As parents, parents must control the several stages of development mentioned by Teacher Bai Yanyi in a timely manner. 0~2, the safe period is 0~2 years old, which is the establishment of the child’s safe period. Children at this stage are fragile and lonely, with no ability to move or express themselves. They depend on their caregivers for everything, for their survival. At this time, the caregiver\’s response constitutes his belief in the world. There is someone to comfort you when you cry, someone to hold you when you feel uncomfortable, and you are immediately satisfied when you are hungry. These stable and positive interactions with caregivers will give children the deepest sense of satisfaction and security. Let your children feel confident that they are safe in the world. This intimate emotional relationship is called \”attachment\” in developmental psychology and is the foundation of all education. If parents miss the stage of establishing attachment and fail to establish attachment with their children, it will cause a lifelong gap between parents and children, and it will also become the most difficult problem to resolve in discipline. 2~4, the first rebellious period. Children aged 2 to 4 years old begin to enter the first \”rebellious period\” in life. This is the first step in the transformation of human cubs into Homo sapiens, marking the need for parents to start a battle of wits and courage with their children. Compared with before the age of two, the child has begun to have certain mobility capabilities. He can walk and move, and can speak some simple words. He will complete the exploration of the world through his own actions, hands and feet, and will try to challenge the authority of adults with words and actions. Thereby realizing that one\’s own body has power and confirming one\’s inner understanding. According to Piaget\’s cognitive theory, children at this stage are \”self-centered\”. They look at problems from their own perspective and rarely consider others. When it comes to reality, it means: You have to do everything by yourself, and you have to listen to me in everything. If you don\’t obey me, your emotions will explode. 4 to 7 years old is the preschool period. Then 4 to 7 years old is the preschool period. This stage is a critical period for children to build self-confidence and courage. Some children at this age are particularly expressive and interrupt when adults speak. But some children are very shy. If their mother tells them to call their brother uncle, they will hide. In the age group of 4 to 7 years old, if we give our children too much control and evaluation, it will make them think about how their behavior will be evaluated in daily life. For example, when seeing Teacher Ma, the child immediately greets \”Hello, Teacher Ma\”, and then Teacher Ma will say \”Hello\”\”. The child is very happy. This behavior itself brings a sense of happiness to the child, and people around him will also comment, \”Look how sensible this child is.\” If one day, the child is unhappy and does not say hello, the mother will hurry up. Call someone. But the child is just in the process of developing autonomy, and he will say \”I don\’t. The more you let me do it, the more I will stop doing it.\” Then the child will get a comment: This child is rude. Child You will realize that: What is related to saying hello is the evaluation and emotional attitude of the external society towards me. If I don’t say hello, I will be punished and criticized. As time goes by, the child will become more afraid of being punished, more nervous, and more nervous. The more nervous you are, the more likely you are to make mistakes and enter a vicious cycle. Therefore, at the stage of 4 to 7 years old, parents must give their children more praise and encouragement, and do not put \”negative labels\” on their children. Look at their children with appreciation and let them From the age of 4 to 7, his psychological appeal for courage and self-confidence is fully satisfied. From the age of 7 to 12, before the age of 7, the child will basically not be required by society and will not have index-type pressure. After the age of 7, he will go to school. , the child begins to enter the social evaluation system. When the child faces social evaluation, what is tested is whether the previous sense of security, autonomy, courage, self-confidence, etc. have been developed well enough. If these previous psychological developments are sufficient, the child will enter the social evaluation system. When the system is in place, he will be able to face it calmly. In addition, competitive relationships will emerge, and the multiple competitive states will cause great pressure on the child. In addition, the reason why the age of 7 to 12 is particularly critical is because the child’s physiological Changes will trigger psychological and intellectual changes. Before the age of 9 or 10, children think more perceptually and visually. For example, how many flowers are 3 flowers plus 3 flowers? He will say six flowers. But children get the answers in a perceptual way using a combination of images. But after the age of 9 and 10, children calculate 3+3=6 and gain knowledge through abstract and logical methods. So at this age , we parents should take our children to learn more about and enter the world of abstract logical thinking, take them to do some number games, and let dads be more involved in accompanying and guiding their children. 12~18, adolescence 12~18 years old, that is The frightening period of adolescence. In the first period of resistance, the child completes the independent development of the physiological level. By adolescence, the child will complete the independence of the mind and the development of self-understanding. At this stage, the child will strongly demand: personal independence, cooperation with parents Open distance and establish boundaries. The needs of psychological development are reflected on the practical level, that is: stay away from me, stop talking, I don’t want you to know about me. When I was young, children and parents were in a symbiotic state, and then they were in parallel. Twin state. In adolescence, it is a state of differentiation. When children and parents slowly separate, they can truly see each other and love each other better. But many parents will refuse to separate and want to control their children in a state of attachment. This is It is easy to fall into a misunderstanding: I cannot let my children take the detours I have taken. Have you ever thought that the reason why you are on the right path is because you have taken countless detours. If we let our children take the path we think is right, He can\’t find his owngrowing space. For the children, it is just a replication of our successful life. It is my mother\’s success, but not my success. Don\’t forget that adolescent children need to complete their self-awareness. What they want is \”I want to live like myself, not someone else\’s shadow.\” In addition, many parents do not dare to let their children experience life because they do not believe that their children have their own power. This kind of distrust itself has a slight negative meaning, which is also fatal to adolescent children. These are all important reasons why adolescent children have constant conflicts with their parents. Raising children is never simply about solving the problem of food and clothing and providing good material conditions. What is more important is the construction of the soul and mental health. How to raise mentally healthy children? Must-read parenting books for parents recommend downloading psychological adjustment in children\’s families. Parents must understand their children\’s psychological development stages and meet their children\’s psychological needs at each stage.