How to raise excellent children who are not selfish

I often see messages like this in the background: What kind of child is the ultimate mission of parents to cultivate? Recently, a reader happened to share her story with me, which included the detours she had taken and her thoughts on education. I think after listening to her story, everyone will have the answer in their heart. Let me tell you this story in her words – some time ago, friends around me became \”yang\” one after another. My wife was not spared either. The Miracle of Classroom No. 56: How to Guide Children to Love Learning pdf A few years ago, he lost the ability to take care of himself due to a sudden cerebral hemorrhage. Now after the infection, he was so uncomfortable that he could not sleep all night and could only lie in bed. \”Ouch, ouch,\” moaned. I panicked and quickly called my son, who was working in Shanghai, asking him to help grab some medicine from the Internet. The phone rang for a long time before my son finally picked up. After listening to my request, he was silent for a few seconds and said that he needed to keep looking at his mobile phone to refresh the medicine, but he had a plan on hand to submit. Then, he complained a few words, \”I\’ve taught you so many times before, but I still haven\’t learned it yet\” and hung up. Before I could recover, I received another transfer of 2,000 yuan. There was also a message attached below: \”If that doesn\’t work, just buy some from relatives and neighbors at a high price. Don\’t worry about the money.\” At this moment, I really felt chilled. There were only a few words, but none of them were concerned about his father\’s health. After hanging up the phone, I went to change a towel for my earth-colored wife on the bed. He opened his eyes and comforted me: \”Stop calling my son. He is busy at work. I am fine.\” I nodded with tears in my eyes. say. I can’t help but think of something I accidentally said when I was chatting with my neighbors a while ago: “The better the child, the more he is training for others.” But now, I really regret raising my son to be so “excellent”. My son, according to the current fashionable saying, is a \”small town problem solver\”. From elementary school to junior high school and then to high school, he has always been among the best. After taking the college entrance examination, he got his wish and entered the most famous university in Shanghai, and later successfully obtained a graduate degree. When he graduated, he said that he liked the prosperity and convenience of Shanghai and wanted to stay here. My wife and I spent half our life savings to buy him a second-hand house with a small square meter near Shanghai. Of course, I just paid the down payment. The rest of the monthly payment is paid by us and our son together every month. Although life is very tight, the envy and praise from relatives and friends when they talk about my son always makes me feel that the sin of tightening my belt and raising my children all these years is not in vain. But gradually, when I saw other people’s children and grandchildren in front of me and the whole family being lively, I couldn’t laugh anymore. Everyone says that my son has a lot of potential and that he is a golden phoenix flying out of a small city. But I know that this \”Phoenix\” no longer belongs to me. Over the years, my son has rarely been home. I remember that in the beginning, he would come back every year during the Chinese New Year. Although he was always in a hurry, he still held the computer and crackled on New Year\’s Eve. But later on, he simply said, \”Air tickets are too expensive. If you have the money, you might as well pay off the mortgage first,\” and he didn\’t even come back for the Chinese New Year. Every Spring Festival, there is a lot of excitement outside, but my wife and I are the only ones at home who are deserted. then, we can also comfort each other, saying: \”The child has a future, and we parents can\’t cut his wings to prevent him from flying.\” But now, my wife is lying on the bed, tossing and turning in discomfort. And I went to seven or eight pharmacies in a row, but they all said that there was no medicine for the time being. There were all kinds of software on my mobile phone, but I didn’t know how to operate it. Only then did I realize how important it is to have a child around me who understands both cold and hot. Just as I was sitting on the fitness equipment in the community in a daze, the young man from across the street said hello to me: \”Auntie, why are you still sitting outside in the cold weather?\” I awkwardly handed over my phone and asked him if he could Download me a software that can grab medicine. The young man clapped his hands and said, \”I\’m here to deliver medicine to my parents today. I thought they wouldn\’t buy it online at their age. I happen to have some leftover at home. I\’ll go back to the community to get it for you now.\” .\” After a while, the young man came back panting and handed me a bag. Not only was there medicine inside, but there were also a few lemons. I wanted to pay, but the young man stopped me and said, \”Don\’t be so open-minded, aunt. Since uncle is not feeling well, you should go home quickly and let him take the medicine. I wrote the dosage on the box.\” Uncle\’s health is important, please take care of yourself.\” After saying that, he got on his bicycle and left. Looking at his back, my eyes became wet again. I remember one time, I was playing cards with some neighbors at my neighbor\’s house. The neighbor sighed at my good fortune and said, \”Look at my son. When he was in school, he didn\’t want to make progress. Now he is working and he is just getting by. Whoever marries him will be his wife in the future.\” Son.\” That day, the young man happened to be helping to fix the heating at home, and he was not annoyed when he heard my mother complaining about herself. Instead, he joked in a good-tempered way: \”All academics are like birds. They fly higher and farther, but they also fly farther and farther. We are the poor students who are the treasures. Even if we can\’t find a wife, we can still stay with our parents for the rest of our lives.\” At that time, we all laughed. But now I think about it, this is not the reason for being a scumbag or a top student. My son’s selfishness and indifference were actually cultivated by me. That year, my son was 7 years old and started his primary school career. One day, after returning home, my son announced to us: \”The teacher said that as a member of the family, we should learn to help our parents share the housework, so starting from today, I will wash my own clothes and dishes.\” After hearing this, But he didn\’t take it seriously and said casually: \”You teachers are really idle. Who can\’t do housework? Students should study hard.\” After dinner, my son wanted to help me clean up the dishes, but I scolded him instead. I paused: \”Have you finished your homework today? Have you previewed your homework? Have you reviewed it? Don\’t think I don\’t know that you want to be lazy. Go back to the house and study!\” My son was frightened by my roar, and finally had to Obediently sat down at the desk. Before going to bed, I saw that my son still looked unhappy, so I said to him sincerely: \”I know you feel sorry for me and your dad, but son, good steel must be used on the blade. You have the time to do two more things.\” Doing Mathematical Olympiad questions and memorizing a few English words is the real thing!\” Thinking about it now, it turns out that I was raising my child in the direction of a \”white-eyed wolf\” early on. When he was in school, I told him that studying was business and housework was not important; so now, in his heart, work and mortgage are the real things, so naturally his father and I have to take a back seat. How can you ask a child who has been deprived of the opportunity to take responsibility since he was a child to suddenly learn to share the worries of his parents when he grows up? That year, my son was 13 years old and entering junior high school. When he saw his classmates wearing famous brands when playing basketball, he also clamored to buy them. I promised him that if he could get into the top three in grade in this final exam, I would buy him an identical pair. Later, the son did it. And I didn\’t break my promise. Although I was heartbroken when I saw that pair of seemingly ordinary sneakers selling for more than 1,000 yuan in the mall, I gritted my teeth and paid in the end. A few days later, my husband found a big hole in my old sweater and insisted on taking me to buy a new one. I shook my head and took out the invoice for the shoes, and my husband fell silent. He advised me not to give everything good to my children, as this would spoil them. But I didn\’t care and said, \”We work so hard just so that our son can live a good life?\” So, later on, my son became more and more accustomed to this way: when eating, he mainly follows his taste; on weekdays, Here, his father and I couldn\’t buy a new piece of clothing for several years, but we bought our son the latest shoes and limited edition basketballs every now and then. We lived frugally, and our son\’s requirements were met… Once, I thought If we devote ourselves wholeheartedly to our children, sooner or later our children will return the same love to us. But as a result, our son has developed a self-centered attitude. He has long taken our efforts as a matter of course, but he cannot see our hardships and difficulties at all. That year, my son was 22 years old and studying for graduate school. One night, my husband suffered a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and was admitted to the hospital overnight. For fear of affecting his son\’s study, he didn\’t tell him immediately. It wasn\’t until he came home from winter vacation that he realized that his father had been in the hospital for less than half a month. He came to the hospital, but his eyes were always staring at his mobile phone. He was asked to accompany her husband in rehabilitation, but he actually left her husband alone in the rehabilitation room and ran out to answer the phone. When I passed by, my husband, who had difficulty moving, fell to the ground and couldn\’t get up even though he was crawling. Seeing this scene, my tears came out all of a sudden. When my son came back, I yelled: \”Do you still have any conscience? Is it so difficult to ask you to accompany your father for a while? Get out of here and go back to your school!\” Unexpectedly, my son actually took it. The luggage is gone. When I saw my son\’s empty room, at that moment, my heart felt like it had been punched hard and shattered to the ground. It wasn\’t until a few days later that my son explained to me hastily: \”Mom, I can\’t help it. In the past two days, my tutor came to me every day for something. I also wanted to make a good impression on him and let him recommend me a good one in the future.\” Work. I\’m really sorry for Dad…\” But after all, he is his son after all. It\’s just that I really regret that I and my husband have worked hard and meticulously to take care of our children for so many years, but in the end we have cultivated a refined egoist. Recently, I saw this sentence: During the epidemic, some people tested negative, some people tested positive, and some people tested human nature. To be honest, I had a similar feeling after going through this. Now, I just want to use my own experience to remindEveryone: When raising children, you really shouldn’t just care about grades. When you get older, you will find that all pride and honor are just fleeting. A child with excellent academic performance but selfishness is enough to make your later life miserable. Although love and affection do not need to be reciprocated. But a child who understands warmth and gratitude can bring you real warmth and comfort, and is the source of happiness for the rest of your life.