What should I do if my child always stays late doing homework?

Since the new semester, my daughter\’s condition has not been very good. She has to train after school (there are women\’s football competitions in March and April). It is already late when she comes home. She is hungry and tired. She will relax and eat some snacks. After dinner, I started writing my homework at 8 o\’clock. I stopped writing and went out to eat fruit in the middle. I couldn\’t calm down. I often finished my homework until after ten o\’clock. I took a closer look and found that she had written and non-written homework every day. The written homework was completed quickly, but the non-written homework – watching preview videos and exercises on the mobile phone, reading and clocking in, etc. It was difficult to predict the time when the homework would be completed. I’m not sure whether she will take advantage of the opportunity to use her mobile phone to browse other content – it seems that she is always checking in carefully, and occasionally I find her browsing WeChat short videos. Faced with this situation, I had a serious talk with her: Daughter, how have you been recently? You have to do homework until 11 o\’clock at night. I\’m a little worried about your health. I hope you can go to bed before 10 o\’clock. I want to know, what prevents you from completing your homework early? Daughter: Yes, I understand. There is indeed a lot of homework, but it is not difficult. I will write faster and finish it earlier. Me: I want to hear your plan, what exactly do you plan to do? If you feel hungry when you get home, I can adjust your dinner time without waiting for your father and brother. What time do you want to have dinner? Daughter: Half past six, finish eating at seven, and then do homework until nine. Me: Very good, how can you ensure that you are not distracted while doing your homework? How can I write my homework quickly? All 12 MP4 lessons of efficient homework lessons for children aged 5 to 12 years old. My daughter: I can’t eat any more fruits or snacks until my homework is completed. When I use my mobile phone to clock in homework, I don’t check other content. After making an agreement with my daughter, after a few days, she didn’t change at all, the plan was still there, and she was still the same, but I had a lot of anger accumulated in my heart. Looking back on the chaotic life of a few days, I realized Yeah, the problem lies with you. When my daughter was still the same as before, I saw it in my eyes and felt anxious in my heart. Sometimes if I am stricter with her, she will lose her temper and resist. When I hear her cry, I will soften my heart and focus on her emotions. I often accept her emotions but do not help her correct her bad habits. I didn’t really achieve “unconditional acceptance”. What is unconditional acceptance? Acceptance is not \”coddling\”, and doting has no boundaries. When facing children\’s problems, there are no boundaries. We are either too strict and parents have the final say; Children cannot learn from their own problem behaviors. Dr. Lin Wencai believes that unconditional acceptance does not mean accepting children without bottom lines and principles, but requires gentleness and determination to find solutions to problems. In daily life, in order to make children feel unconditional acceptance, it is necessary to distinguish \”boundaries\” from four aspects and distinguish \”others\”, \”events\” and \”myself\”: when a child does something wrong, I separated the incident from the person and told her that it didn\’t matter if she did something wrong. She didn\’t do this well. It doesn\’t affect her that she is still a good child and I still love her in my heart. It not only allows the child to make mistakes and accepts her imperfections, but also helps her break away from the emotions of failure and guilt, carefully examine her own mistakes, and guide her to think about where her behavior went wrong.What is the impact and how to do it correctly. When a child fails to meet the expectations of his parents, separate the child\’s needs from the parents\’ expectations and tell her, it doesn\’t matter. Although your parents have expectations for you, these are just our expectations. I see that you have tried your best. It\’s enough. I\’m sure she has put in the hard work. As long as she doesn\’t give up, she will make progress. Here, parents must accept that if their children cannot meet their own expectations, we may be disappointed and angry. This is partly the homework of parents. Where is our own \”boundary\”? We have to take back the expectations and emotions that do not belong to our children. If we get angry at our children, we will make them feel incompetent and worthless, and let their parents down. When a child fails, she may have emotions such as anger, sadness, failure, helplessness, disappointment, etc. She may be afraid that she is bad, unloved, and unaccepted, and may become depressed and cry for this reason. We need to gently tell her that it doesn\’t matter, no matter what, you are my good child and we still love you. When children have negative emotions, parents may be unable to bear it and may yell back, block, or withdraw. In fact, emotions are a part of us. There is no right or wrong in good or bad. If a person\’s emotions are denied or rejected, he cannot accept himself. The person who strips off this part of emotions is incomplete. At the same time, she also feels that she is not The good, the rejected, the unaccepted. If emotions are not seen, they will remain in the body and may be suppressed temporarily. But one day, when encountering a similar event, this unpleasant feeling will be activated again. People who suppress themselves excessively will Inside he is angry, sad and aggrieved. Emotions have an objective law, that is, any emotion is a process. A happy thing cannot be happy for a lifetime, and a painful thing cannot be painful for a lifetime. It will slowly calm down over time. This is the objective nature of psychological activities. law. Therefore, accept negative emotions and don’t fight with them. We can tell our children that…something happened, I see you are sad (or other emotions) now, it doesn\’t matter, I listen to you, and I will stay with you for a while. To accept the child unconditionally, you must handle the \”boundaries\” well, and you must be gentle but firm. While accepting the child without accusation, help her separate herself, others, and events. Once emotions are seen and allowed, the emotions will change, and the child can return to rational thinking about where he went wrong and how to do the right thing. Be allowed to make mistakes and grow from them. Children who are allowed to be themselves and release their emotions are internally integrated, stable, and connected with others. They also have a sense of worth and are responsible for themselves. Such children will also have the ability to love and tolerate others. , the ability to self-heal.