How to develop children’s resilience

Last night, my child and I had a disagreement over a trivial matter (choosing what type of craft to do). Before we even exchanged a few words, the child\’s face changed color and he began to cry softly. My father also said that it was difficult to understand why a little boy often had a bad heart and would cry when he was slightly unhappy. Because my child has been very sensitive since he was a child, as a mother, I have become accustomed to it and subconsciously think that he has this kind of personality. So I try my best to create a happy situation for my child and do my best to meet his wishes and requirements. The parent class at school happened to be talking about \”How to cultivate children\’s resilience\” today, and I gained a lot. I realized: 1. Children\’s glassy heart is an immature character trait that needs to be improved and corrected. If we just protect and avoid blindly, his glass heart will only become more fragile and vulnerable. 2. Children cannot always live in the fairy tale world we build for them. The world we live in is not static and step-by-step. It is full of challenges, changes and risks. Resistance is a kind of ability. If faced with challenges and adversities, children can make positive responses independently and deal with problems constructively. This is our greatest success as parents. 3. The core is a child’s good character, which will produce circles of beautiful ripples like falling rocks on a river: confidence, competency, care and interpersonal connections. We pay too much attention to the cultivation of children\’s skills and learning, and ignore the shaping of children\’s character. Children\’s (and even our adults\’) self-perceptions, ways of thinking, and ways of attributing can all be internally changed and self-corrected through learning and practice. What is resilience? Resilience refers to the ability of individuals, families and organizations to actively respond and deal with problems constructively when faced with crises and difficulties. Resilience is an ability, which is the subject\’s ability to resist crises, change internally, self-correct and adapt. A child is like a seed. His growth has both self-factors and environmental factors. The explanation on how to cultivate children\’s resilience was very professional, scientific, and practical, and it also gave me a great impact. Fan Deng Reading Club’s five compulsory courses on home education for new parents made it clear to me: in terms of a child’s personal factors, the first step is to let him have a correct cognition, then develop good emotions, and finally Expressed in external behaviors; in terms of environmental resources, what necessary support can we parents provide our children? In the class, Professor Tian, ​​who is from Capital Normal University and has many years of experience in researching resilience, listed for us “20 own resources” and “20 environmental resources”: Based on the above resource items listed by the teacher, I summarized what our family is doing What is neglected in family education. You can also summarize it by referring to the picture above. Comparing the \”20 own resources\”, the child\’s deficiencies include: 1. In terms of hard work: the child\’s internal achievement motivation is insufficient. The child thinks that he is learning for his parents and teachers and is completing the tasks assigned by the teacher and parents; his investment and intention in learning Insufficient; reading time is less than 3 hours per week. 2. In terms of positive values: children should be cultivated to persist in their faith and persevere and never give up;The child should accept and assume his responsibilities, and should not always treat him as a weakling or a child. CCTV recommends over 500 excellent documentaries with high scores. Children will become addicted to self-discipline after watching the pattern. 3. Social abilities: low planning ability and self-determination ability, disorganized work, lack of planning, dependence on parents and elders, and low self-determination ability. 4. In terms of positive self-identity: the level of self-esteem should be further improved; children have not lived a purposeful life; they are prone to pessimism and giving up. Children should be allowed to remain optimistic and hopeful. Compared with the \”20 Environmental Resources\”, we have neglected the following contents: 1. Support: We should create more opportunities for active communication between parents and children, so that children can express their feelings more, so that children are willing to speak and seek our help. 2. Empowerment: Let children’s value be recognized, which we do not do enough whether at home or in the community environment; create conditions and opportunities for children to serve others. When children are recognized and thanked, they will It is of great significance to children’s sense of value and competence. 3. Boundaries and experience: We should have clear boundaries when guiding children\’s behavior. This is something I have never realized; as parents, we really should understand that the role of adults is very important, not only in words and deeds, but also in words and deeds. A positive way of thinking, a good mentality, and a responsible attitude are the best ways to teach children through words and deeds; we are not good enough at encouraging children. Sometimes we will say things that attack or label children unscrupulously. . 4. In terms of constructive time perspective: less than 3 hours per week for creative activities; insufficient time for social welfare; more than 2 hours per week without clear plans. In the final summary, Professor Chu Tian also said two points. The first one I deeply understand: \”Raising children is your own business, and you definitely can\’t rely on others.\” In the past, whenever I was worried about my children\’s studies, I would enroll them in various extracurricular courses. It does not have any positive effect except putting more burden on the children. Only when I calm down and have the courage to face my child\’s problems can I give my child the most beneficial support. Another one said: \”Do the best that your parents can do.\” I feel that this sentence is very powerful and very positive. We cannot be perfect parents, nor can we raise perfect children. But as long as we do the best we can and let our children use their strengths, avoid weaknesses, and grow up, this will be the best result.