How to stimulate children’s inner motivation

You kindly teach your children experience and want them to avoid detours, but they don’t appreciate it at all? I\’m almost exhausted from talking so earnestly, but my child just doesn\’t like to study? Your child does something wrong, but gets angry when criticized? …You have obviously done a lot of work, but you are not doing well at all? The truth is, the problem isn’t the child, it’s you. After reading \”High Performance Coaching\”, I remembered three key words: the essence of coaching, the three principles of coaching, and the four steps of coaching application. But it helped me solve the big problem of exhausting myself to death from worrying and laboring, and still complaining. It often takes just a few questions to guide children to arrange their own affairs properly. 1. Recognize the essence of coaching. The essence of coaching is to help oneself or others eliminate obstacles in their minds through effective questioning, open up awareness, take responsibility, release potential, and achieve the best state. This refreshed my understanding of coaching. If you want your children and team to truly grow, you need to stimulate their intrinsic motivation, rather than me telling them what to do. 2. The three principles of coaching: Ask more than you answer, listen more than you talk, and exaggerate more than you blame. It can help the other person become aware, take the initiative to take responsibility, and stimulate internal drive. 1. Asking questions is worse than answering. It is far better to tell the other party the answer directly than to ask questions and let the other party find the answer on his own. Be careful to avoid asking closed-ended questions, such as: Is it good? right? … Asking open-ended questions is more conducive to children\’s thinking, such as: What are your thoughts? Do you think there is any other good way? …One time I sent my child to school and she said her hands were cold. I asked her, \”Is there any way to warm my hands?\” She said: I know, she kicked her hands into her pockets; she put her hands behind the windshield; Wearing a pair of gloves for the first time… I came up with many ideas at once, and the child felt a great sense of accomplishment. Fan Deng’s reading recommendation: How to stimulate children’s inner drive pdf+mobi+epub2. Listening is better than talking. Actively listen to the other party without judgment, and stimulate the other party’s potential by repeating, summarizing, and encouraging the other party’s self-expression. Take for example a conversation I had with my daughter a few days ago. Daughter: Mom, I want to invent a box. Me: What then? Daughter: Put you and your father in the box for 𝟭 minutes, and you will become children again. Me: What then? Daughter: I know you want to go to school so that you can be my classmates. I introduced to Teacher Li that this is my new classmate… That night, both me as the listener and the children of the listeners were very happy. happiness. 3. Exaggerate responsibility and focus on whatever you focus on, and you will get results wherever you go. Focus on what the other party does well, and the other party will get better and better at this point. I learned to communicate with my child with an appreciative eye. Regarding the problems that occurred in her homework, I would first identify the things she did well, and then suggest a little bit of things that could be improved, making progress a little bit each time. 3. The 4 steps of coaching application. According to the GROW model in the book, the application of coaching is divided into four steps: goal setting, current situation analysis, plan selection, and willingness to act. 1. Goal setting I learned to set long-term ultimate goals in my dreams, tangible milestone performance goals, and process goals that I can control 100% to achieve the above goals. For example, my ultimate goal is for children to become independent and autonomous individuals who can build happy and productive lives on their own.A life of value. My performance goal is for children to develop good learning, living and thinking habits, and to do fixed things at a fixed time. My process goal is to provide scaffolding based on the child\’s needs and help the child develop a good habit of doing fixed things at a fixed time every night. 2. Current Situation Analysis I learned to rationally analyze the gap between the current situation and the goals. For example, after almost 𝟯 months of vacation, my daughter’s schedule has become disordered. She doesn’t sleep at night and can’t afford to wake up in the morning. I also started to want to look at my phone. 3. Plan selection: List all the plans you can think of, and then find the best plan. For example, in order to help her establish a habit, the options available include a unified life rhythm for the whole family, fixed work and rest times, and completing key tasks every day. After comprehensively considering feasibility and happiness index, I combined fixed work and rest time, key task list and the law of peak, and worked with her to design a daily task list. In the task design, there are things she #likes to do very much, such as watching English programs and reading picture books; and things she #is not very willing to do, such as taking a bath and brushing her teeth. Put English programs and reading picture books in the middle and finish them before going to bed. 𝟭The tasks at night will be full of expectations. The mother of a beautiful Peking University academic who costs 199 yuan: How to cultivate students’ learning ability 4. Willingness to Action The most important thing to achieve your goals is your willingness to act. How much effort are you willing to put in? What will be done? When to do it? For example, my child and I are willing to go all out to achieve our goals. Every day as soon as she gets out of school, we start a task list and complete the daily small goals one by one. Because of this book, I no longer have to do everything, and it stimulates my children\’s inner motivation. I feel more relaxed, and my children have initially developed good study and living habits happily and naturally. I hope you can also benefit from this book, stimulate the potential of yourself and others, and gain a joyful and abundant life.