How do single mothers communicate with their adolescent children?

Adolescence is the most important period in a person\’s life. It has beauty and bitterness, joy and worry, and many unknowns but also has solid power. Children at this age begin to explore their own autonomy in life and begin to have more of their own ideas and insights about life, learning and the future. They want to take control of their lives and the world, and they want to get rid of the self that only obeys their parents\’ words. This is also the reason why many parents are distressed. Can’t their children listen to what their parents say? Does your child get depressed when it comes to studying? The more thoughtful arrangements you make for your children, the less grateful you will be? If parents cannot maintain good parent-child communication with them during this period, then some children will completely deny their parents\’ lifestyle and education methods, and want to escape or even escape from the family. How do parents communicate effectively with adolescent children? How can we help children in this period to smoothly pass through this spiritually \”turbulent\” stage of life? A speech by Mr. Chen Mo, a well-known child and adolescent psychologist, can give parents some ideas. Five questions that parents need to pay attention to: 1. What do the physiological changes of children during puberty mean? When a child develops rapidly physically, there will be psychological changes. Just imagine, when a boy is as tall as his father, what will he think in his heart: Hey, do you dare to hit me? For example, for particularly thin boys and particularly fat girls, their usual worries may come from their body shape. At this time, parents should be careful not to comment on the child\’s physical signs, such as: \”My daughter is good at everything, but her eyes are a little small.\” For boys, the sooner the head and facial features tend to become adult, the better it will be, which will help him settle down. There is leadership potential among peers, but the opposite is true for girls. A boy is good at studying, but if he can\’t compete with other male classmates, he may be in a bad mood and feel that girls will look down on him. Therefore, if parents know what their children are worried about, they can tell them that in this era, learning ability is more important. Your learning ability is very strong and you are completely worthy of pride. Non-Violent Communication Skills online reading pdf+epub+mobi2. One \”girlfriend\” is not enough, you need to have several more. Many parents are worried about early love. There is actually no concept of puppy love. Is it true that all unpaid relationships are called puppy love? Parents, don\’t worry, at this age, children cannot fall in love. High school students will, don\’t worry, it\’s just 3 years away. However, children will imitate. So what should parents do? We can say this to our children – \”Child, you have to learn social communication at this age. Tell your mother, how many good buddies do you have?\” \”I have more buddies, seven or eight.\” \”Where are your friends of the opposite sex?\” One.\” \”Why only one?! A few more, you should make friends now.\” The advantage of saying this is that children regard making friends as something they should do. If a boy associates with multiple friends of the opposite sex, nothing will happen. When girls enter this age, mothers must do one thing, which is very important – tell their children how to prevent others from sexual harassment. For example, tell your daughter that when she is in the same room with a person of the opposite sex, no matter who he is, she cannot let him get physically close to you.Some parts cannot be touched by others. If someone touches the part where you are wearing underwear, you must scream and push him away. If this matter is taught well, there will be no problem in the relationship between boys and girls. 3. How to encourage children to read when their memory capacity is at its peak? The period with the highest memory capacity in a person\’s life is in junior high school. Then, please encourage your children to read! What do you call encouragement? \”Stop playing with your phone, stop playing on the computer, and read more books, okay?\” This is not encouragement. The child will be very disgusted and think that you like reading books and I like playing with my phone. What\’s wrong? Parents should say, children, the peak of human memory capacity is in junior high school, and what you read will never be forgotten throughout your life. At your parents\’ age, you will forget what you saw after seeing it. Sometimes what we remember is what we saw in junior high school. So parents hope that you read more, which will be beneficial to you throughout your life. 4. You didn’t expect that the resistance to children’s growth is that the emotions of their parents’ children in junior high school fluctuate greatly. Due to hormone secretion, their hearts are very restless. The foreign approach is to give children a lot of physical activities and let them release themselves. But our children are no different from adults. They just sit and have a few physical education classes a week at most. Once restlessness is suppressed, it is not a good thing. It will definitely find an outlet to come out. The emotions of junior high school students are often in two extremes, sometimes very excited, sometimes very low and depressed. The reason behind this is that they have entered the \”second period of resistance\” (the first period of resistance is at the age of two or three). The two periods of resistance are both for the pursuit of autonomy, the first is the pursuit of physical autonomy, and the second is the pursuit of spiritual autonomy. At this age, society already regards children as big children, and he himself has to look for such psychological confirmation. Growing up is a proposition, but growing up is difficult. Parents have always been a hindrance to their children\’s growth, especially parents of only children, but you don\’t even realize it yourself. Many problems of only children are due to their parents not allowing them to grow up. What is the highest sign of growing up? It\’s a choice. Theoretically, children aged 0-6 years old are controlled by their parents; children aged 6-12 years old are jointly controlled; after the age of 12 years old, the children control themselves. But is this possible in China? I think a 30-year-old son is controlled by a 60-year-old mother. \”Growing up\” is a must. If you fail to accomplish the necessary things, you will definitely be in trouble. How do parents communicate with their children? The most acceptable way of education for children.mobi When a person does not feel that the environment allows him to grow up, what can he do? Fight! This battle must be fought to let him grow up. Then trouble comes. Parents talk east, and children talk west. If parents force their children to go east, don\’t worry, you can\’t beat them. I\’ve seen too many examples. A smart parent neither talks east nor west, but says that your child is your own business and you can decide for yourself. The child will definitely choose East because he knows that East is a good place. He didn’t choose East before because you chose East. In addition to those who resist hard, there are also those who resist softly. The child doesn\’t resist you directly, but it\’s like the fire has been turned off and he can\’t muster the energy to do anything. There are also those who neither resist hard nor resist softly, just transfer, play games every day, and ignore you. So, don’t fight this battle with your children, you will definitely lose. If parentsIt is a heavy cement board that is placed on top of the child. When the child grows up, he cannot penetrate the cement board and will grow crookedly. Letting our children grow up is our goal, but many parents understand that it is difficult to do so. Therefore, mothers are reminded to grow up with their children. At this point, dads tend to do better. 5. The child\’s peer relationship is almost \”fatal\”. I use the word \”fatal\”. He can die for this thing or not go to school for this thing. It is normal and you can\’t understand it. Because at this age, he understands who he is by integrating the evaluations of his peers. The evaluation weight of his peers accounts for 70%, and your evaluation of him is not important. We sometimes make mistakes without knowing it. For example, a child makes a friend who is very close to him. You ask: \”How is your friend\’s grades?\” \”We are second to last in the class.\” \”Son, stop playing with him, there is no benefit.\” Some teachers will also handle it this way. But this won\’t end well. What should be done – \”How is your friend\’s grades?\” \”Second to last in the class.\” \”Son, if you are a buddy, if you are a buddy, just give him a hand. You are second, and he is second to last. How much? Help him, he\’s already in the top five, isn\’t it great?\” Doesn\’t it mean that when children help their friends, they also review it themselves? It is very effective for children to teach children. So be sure to pay attention to your child\’s peer relationship, it is very important. It depends on whether you are happy or not, and whether you want to go to school or not. Four Questions in Children\’s Minds Once I went to a school and asked the students in the first grade of junior high school: Why should we study? Some answered \”for my mother\” and some answered \”for the Education Bureau\”. His parents told him that the competition is so fierce and he must study hard. Only by studying hard can he go to a good university, graduate and have a good job, and only by having a good job can he live a good life. The child asked what constitutes a good life? My parents said that I probably have a house and a car. The child said that he now has a house and a car. Therefore, Chinese people never know what a good life is. It is probably a life that is better than that of their neighbors. There are 4 questions in the minds of children of this age. If you overcome these 4 questions, the child will have a very strong motivation to learn – 1. What is the meaning of learning? Reading is meaningless, sometimes it just means being strong without desire. You tell your children, there are people and animals on earth, what kind of life do cats live? How cats lived a thousand years ago is still how they live now, but people are different. People live a creative life, because people can learn. Nature has given people the brain for learning, and classroom learning is a narrow part. It’s okay if you don’t study. It’s the same as cats and dogs coming into this world. 2. What is the use of learning? Classroom learning is training your thinking. How can you tell when your thinking has been trained to a high level? If you go to the countryside, find an old woman about my age and ask the same question, you will see the difference. I know trigonometric functions, analytical geometry, and the relationship between variables. If these two old ladies asked you to take one back with you, which one would you take? 3. It’s not that I don’t want to learn, but studying is too hard. What should I do? child, Suffering is emotion, and feelings are caused by thoughts, not things. What needs to be changed is the thinking. For example, someone invites you to have a meal with a monk, and the table is full of vegetables. The monk took a look and felt that this man respected me too much. When you look at it, what do you mean, treat me to a meal full of vegetables. Two people react differently to the same thing just because they have different ideas. Human beings are different from animals. If they work hard, they will be rewarded, and humans will have fun. Nothing embodies the rewards of hard work better than classroom learning. This is the joy of human beings. 4. So-and-so didn’t graduate from elementary school and is now a billionaire. What should I say? Getting rich is determined by characteristics. The first is investment courage. The second is strong action. The third is to be able to divide 400,000 if you earn one million. There are more people who have not graduated from elementary school and are living a very hard life. Humans have two parts of enjoyment, material and spiritual, while animals only have material enjoyment. Parents should not put utilitarian things on their children. Four suggestions for correct communication with children. Some children will change greatly by the second grade of junior high school. They are talkative and suddenly become less talkative. When communicating with children, you must pay attention to methods. 1. Talk less when communicating with junior high school students, because they will block you and not listen. 2. Listen correctly when your child is talking to you. Stop what you are doing immediately, listen carefully to what he says without interrupting, and summarize after listening to confirm whether there is any misunderstanding. 3. Ask correctly if your child tells lies to you, it must be because you are incapable of listening to the truth. Everyone seeks advantages and avoids disadvantages. Who would tell the truth if it would bring bad luck? So what is the correct attitude of a parent: a. The attitude of asking is to help him, not to interrogate him. b. Lift his psychological defenses. c. Keep his secret, no matter what you say. 4. Be empathetic when chatting. Why do some children prefer to talk to others but not to their parents? There must be something wrong with the way the parents speak. When chatting with anyone, when you start talking, you must express your understanding and empathy for the other person\’s emotions instead of analyzing right and wrong. Everyone has the ability to solve problems by himself, as long as you empathize with him and give him strength. If you parents can\’t learn this, I\’ll teach you the simplest way. No matter what your child says, just answer \”Oh, that\’s it…\” \”Oh, that\’s it…\” How to be a good parent of middle school students 1. Correctly facing test scores is the goal and strategy of our parents, but many parents always talk about it, haste over speed, and lacks wisdom. Face the test scores correctly – doing well in the test, well, you can, you should. If you don’t do well in the exam, be careful. In an environment like China\’s, don\’t worry. Children who don\’t do well in exams must know clearly that they won\’t do well in school. In this case, he failed in the exam and returned home. Home has the function of healing. At this time, you have to comfort him. Victory or defeat is common in military affairs. This small failure is nothing. Let\’s find out the reasons… 2. Recognize the child\’s efforts and don\’t deny the child or say he doesn\’t work hard. Many parents say in front of their relatives: \”My child is very smart, if only he could work harder.\” This is really not allowed. 3. Create a harmonious family atmosphere. Learning problems caused by bad emotions are reversible. Remember these four words: when your children read, they will \”have peace of mind.\” Discord between husband and wife is a very common situation: mothers should pay attention toIt means that the responsibility is very important. The relationship between children and their mothers is naturally close. Children are born to fight for their mothers. If the mother wins the fight between husband and wife, nothing will happen. Unfortunately, the mother will not win… If the quarrel is over, the mother\’s emotions It\’s so bad that he complained to his children: It\’s all for you, otherwise he would have divorced him long ago. In this way, the child will attribute the mother\’s unhappiness to himself. 4. Don’t compare your children with others and always praise your children in front of outsiders. When a group of mothers chat together, their children will definitely get involved. If something bad is said, the children will be very hurt when they hear it. If the topic comes to your own children, the mother must change the subject. 5. Positively encourage your children to get along well with adolescent children. Just remember one sentence: truly believe in them. There is a process for a child\’s progress, from 25% to 50% to 75% to 100%. As long as you always truly believe in him, he will one day tell you that he has grown up. 6. Appreciate your own children. For a child, everyone in the world can do without him, but the mother cannot do without him. But many mothers have said similar things, if you do something like this, your mother will not want you. It is very hurtful for a mother to say such words to her child. Don\’t always pick on your daughter, don\’t pester your son like a vine. The child is looking at his mother subconsciously, and all children in the world will be willing to sacrifice for their mother. 7. Encourage your child to help others. If you want your child to become a highly competitive person, encourage him to help others. Many of our parents only have the ability to raise children with a strong sense of competition, but not the ability to raise children with a strong sense of competitiveness. What kind of children are more competitive? You should always tell your children that you want to see if others need help and help others. When a child pays attention to how he can help others, he will feel that he is very capable, and the feedback given to him by others will be positive. We always tell our children that they should get more test scores and surpass so-and-so. This does not cultivate the child\’s competitiveness, but only a sense of competition. When one day he encounters an opponent he cannot surpass, his spirit will collapse. 8. Overcome your own anxiety. A mother’s emotions are connected with her child. The anxious mother kept talking about exams. Once people are anxious, it is difficult to engage. 9. Handle online games correctly and don’t blame your children easily – my child is addicted to the Internet. Addiction is not that simple. Children are just a matter of time allocation. If parents have said \”no cell phones allowed\”, the children will definitely not let go of the cell phone once they touch it, and will play with it as soon as they have a chance. You can only make a contract with your children: you can play games, but you have to agree on a time and bear the liability for breach of contract. I hope every parent and child will cherish their school time together, work hard together, and laugh together.