How to understand children’s grievances, and how to enlighten children when they are wronged

Although he was wronged, he didn\’t dare to let his parents see him. A few days ago, he picked up his son from school and found a scratch on his forehead. When he asked him what happened, his son lowered his head and whispered, \”Mom, I scratched it accidentally.\” It doesn\’t hurt anymore. Seeing that the child was fine, I didn\’t worry about it. Unexpectedly, at noon the next day, I was in a meeting and received a WeChat message from the teacher saying that my son had a small injury on his head and there was slight bleeding, and he was being cleaned up. Full 1080P ultra-high-definition version of That Year of the Rabbit Season 1 to Season 5 + extra chapters. I dropped the documents and ran away. When I hurried to school, my son was crying while holding the plastered wound. There were also a lot of blood stains on his collar, and the teacher stayed with him to comfort him. To be honest, as a mother, my heart was broken when I saw this scene. The teacher told me that my son was hit on the head with a teaching aid because he was grabbing chalk from his deskmate. \”Then he scratched your forehead too?\” After my repeated questioning, my son admitted in a low voice while wiping his tears. \”Why didn\’t you tell mom?\” Looking at his resigned look, it was as if a poisonous needle had been stabbed into my heart, which made me extremely uncomfortable. In addition to heartache, there is more confusion. Weak and helpless children should have thought of looking for their parents after being bullied, but why didn\’t they dare to let their parents know? Later, after asking around in a group of mothers, I found out that there are many more children like this. When they were beaten and scolded, they did not go to their parents; when they were made things difficult for them outside, they did not go to their parents; when they encountered problems that they could not solve, they did not go to their parents. So what is the reason why the child would rather suffer the pain alone than tell his parents? Why is the child who has been dependent on his parents since he was a child missing? When we were bullied by other children when we were young, and we told our parents, how many responses have we heard? \”Why are you always the one being bullied and not others?\” \”You have been scolded and you still have the nerve to come back and talk about it?\” \”It must be your problem, otherwise why would others do this?\” \”Why are you so stupid and can\’t fight? Are you going back?\” In fact, when children encounter problems outside, they want to come to their parents out of dependence. However, if they blame them every time, they will only lose their trust in their parents. And this kind of trust often directly affects children\’s attitudes and ways of dealing with problems. In the variety show \”Chinese Good Mom\”, a Taiwanese mother told an incident that she still cannot forget. When she was a child, a male friend of her parents came to visit her home, and while they were away, the uncle bullied her. She ran to tell her parents, but her mother not only disapproved of it, but also blamed her for talking nonsense, saying that it would be embarrassing if her uncle heard it. This made her very aggrieved. From then on, she did not dare to mention any difficulties to her parents again. Even though she is now a mother, she feels extremely heavy every time she thinks of this incident. In the face of the children who trust us the most, we are questioning them. When they are disappointed enough, the door to their hearts will be closed. Only by standing on their side and understanding them will children open up to us. In Zheng Yuanjie\’s fairy tale \”Wisdom Teeth\”, a girl named Xiaoxin is suspected of stealing something at school. The teacher originally thought that if she continued not to explain, she would notify her parents. Unexpectedly, Xiaoxin said loudly to the whole class: \”You are wronged.\”It\’s all in vain, I want to tell dad. \”Looking for parents, this is what all children are afraid of, but she is just the opposite. Everyone is surprised and can\’t help but feel envious. Only children who grow up with tolerance and understanding from their parents will have this kind of \”the sky is falling\” \”You can\’t hit me\”. In fact, if it were me, I would be envious. Who doesn\’t want to have such parents? No matter whether I am good or not, they will choose to believe in me and be my strongest backing. Every child once He is very dependent on his parents, but one day they clearly need us, but they don’t dare to come close. It just feels like there is no one behind him. When he is full of pain, no one will open his arms, hug them, trust them unconditionally We support them. \”It would be terrible if parents knew about it.\” How many children have been ruined by this sentence? There is a question on Zhihu: \”What did you envy others when you were a child? \”A highly praised answer: I envy other children who have their parents to protect them when they are bullied, instead of being scolded every day when I bring home an injury. I deeply agree. I wanted to seek comfort and protection from my parents, but in the end I had to take care of myself. They wake up feeling sad and lick their wounds alone. If parents and children cannot establish open-hearted trust, then when children encounter difficulties, their first thought is not to tell their parents, but to \”let parents know.\” \”\”, this is such a terrible thing. I still remember last year, a fresh graduate was defrauded of 70,000 yuan by an online loan in just 2 days while applying for a job. It is conceivable that if she fails to find a job, she will be in disaster. She was in such a difficult situation. As soon as the incident came out, some people questioned her IQ, while others understood her experience. The most distressing thing was what the girl said: \”I am almost autistic now. I didn\’t dare to let my family know, and I was afraid that I wouldn\’t be able to bear it. \”Every word in her voice was full of fear and despair. But even so, she would rather bear it alone than find her parents. Fortunately, she called the police in time, otherwise the consequences would be disastrous. Coincidentally, a 9-year-old boy in Nanjing accidentally died He broke the school glass and was afraid of being scolded by his parents. After three days of long ideological struggle, he left a suicide note and jumped off the high building of the school. The sentence in the suicide note, \”I knew I would be punished, so I jumped off the building.\” It is extremely heartbreaking. A few short and childish words, but it nakedly shows the inner struggle and pain of the child. In life, those children who usually seem ignorant and fearless are actually very tormented and scared when they encounter something. They dare not speak out, let alone let their parents know. They can only bear it on their own, and when they cannot withstand all the pressure on their own, they can easily go to extremes. Must-read parenting books for parents: Don’t Think You Understand Your Children In the final analysis, it is a lack of trust in parents. As Yin Jianli once said: Children would rather suffer pain than tell their parents. This is actually a signal that there is a problem in the relationship between parents and children. And this problem, It means that children subconsciously no longer trust their parents. Sometimes, the tragedy does not happen in a moment, but evolves in such an increasingly estranged parent-child relationship. Because the parents do not understand their pain, they instead reprimand them harshly. If things go on like this, The child will feel that it is better not to say anything. When encountering thisIn this situation, we might as well reflect more on ourselves, put ourselves in the children\’s situation, have more empathy, and have more trust. Parents\’ understanding and support are the best safe haven for children. Children who choose to bear it alone when they encounter problems will feel somewhat lonely and helpless in their childhood. But there are also many children who are not bound by their original families, have the understanding and tolerance of their parents, and live a sunny and happy life. In the TV series \”Meeting Happiness\”, a young girl named Chun Ni went to a university she didn\’t like, but her real hobby was music. Her fanatical dream of becoming a singer made her secretly drop out of school behind her parents\’ back after careful consideration. After dropping out of school, she did not dare to go home and lived in fear in karaoke bars and Internet cafes. When he was penniless and had nowhere to go, he tremblingly dialed his father\’s phone number. She thought she would be scolded, but her father, after repeatedly making sure that she was fine, told her: No matter when, as long as your parents are around, there will be no obstacles that you can\’t overcome. If you really like music, you can pursue it, because in the eyes of your parents, your happiness is the most important. Then her father shared his own similar experience and reminded her sincerely that her dream of singing may succeed or fail, but once she makes a choice, she must persevere. When a child makes a mistake or encounters a difficulty, she actually knows her problem and is afraid of being blamed by her parents. At this time, we comfort him, understand him, hug him, and tell him \”It doesn\’t matter. Just admit your mistakes and correct them. We will always support you.\” This is much better than beating and scolding him. Even if you want to criticize, you should also pay attention to the method. You can refer to the \”sandwich effect\”, which is to mix the content of criticism with two praises, so that the other party will not have any negative psychology when accepting it. Psychologist Day Elkind says the most important thing children need to know is that they are important to their parents and will always be surrounded by love. Only when a child knows that we love him no matter whether he is good or bad, will he come to his parents as soon as he encounters a problem. Only trust is the best armor to protect children. In parent-child relationships, loving children is a parent\’s instinct, but trusting children requires a lot of courage. Ask yourself, do we really trust our children 100% at all times? Understand each other and be honest with each other. I will share with you whether I am happy or unhappy, and you will tell me with confidence when you encounter difficulties, knowing that I will always be your strong backing. This is trust. Even if the whole world is against you, I will always be behind you. If you make a big mistake and feel scared, I tolerate you; if you are misunderstood and full of grievances, I understand you; if you are bullied and feel scared, I will defend you. Only trust can allow us to go into the child\’s heart when he faces difficulties, straighten his spine, straighten his arms, and tell him that it doesn\’t matter, just grow up and we will protect you. Just like the book \”The Catcher in the Rye\” says: \”My duty is to watch over there. If any child runs towards the cliff, I will catch him.\” Watch carefully and let the children believe that even in the dark , parents will also become the light that illuminates them.