How long does it take for children to get through the rebellious period of adolescence and how to get through it smoothly?

My husband and I are both \”second generation villagers\” who came from remote villages, changed our destiny through study and hard work, and successfully worked and settled down in Shanghai. The experiences along the way have also shaped our values: only learning and hard work can change our destiny. Therefore, I am very strict when educating my daughter, hoping that she can also live a better life through hard work. I know that if a child does not develop good study habits and become the best among his peers since he was a child, then if he continues to be like this, he will become accustomed to his ranking and positioning among his classmates. The so-called poor students in primary school and middle school who suddenly become academic champions in high school can only be special cases among special cases. On the contrary, there is a high probability that you will remain mediocre all the way, and it will be difficult to choose the job you want. Therefore, since my daughter entered primary school, I have tried every possible means to instill in her that she must study hard. We really have no other way out. Life is a chain of links. Only by entering a key middle school can you go to a key university. Only then can you choose your job instead of the job choosing you. My daughter is indeed very obedient. She has followed my instructions since she was a child. She studies very hard. She has always been a top student in the class and her grades have been among the top three in the class. After being promoted to junior high school, my daughter was successfully admitted to a key junior high school in the Baili District. Seeing this result, our whole family was very happy. At the same time, my expectations for my daughter were also higher. Unexpectedly, during the first monthly exam after school started, my daughter gave me a big \”surprise\”! I originally thought that my daughter, who had been a dominating student in elementary school, would still be able to stay ahead in junior high school. Unexpectedly, the report card she got back ranked her among the top 30 in the class! CCTV Documentary Channel Post-Zero Documentary Online Watch Full 5 Episodes 1080P Ultra HD Version 13.7GB Her father and I couldn\’t accept this reality, so we just blamed and scolded her: \”How can you do so poorly in the exam? Do you think you have passed the exam?\” In a key junior high school, why are you so proud?\” My daughter lowered her head and said, \”The courses in junior high school are too difficult, and I haven\’t digested many of them, so I didn\’t do well in the exam.\” In our opinion, this is just to make excuses for ourselves: \”Then you have to study harder! Work harder! Why did I see you playing with your phone a few days ago? Don\’t take your phone from me next time!\” My daughter has never been scolded so severely by us. She came back crying. room. Although my husband and I felt a little distressed, we still remained strict when facing our daughter. There is no way, I hope my daughter can feel the seriousness of the problem! But after we told her about it that time, my daughter’s grades not only failed to “know shame and then be courageous”, but actually declined day by day. In the first semester of junior high school, not only did her academic performance deteriorate, but her rebellious mood became more and more serious. She changed her usual obedient and obedient temperament. Every day after I go home and finish my meal, I hide in my room and lock the door. No matter what I said outside, she wouldn\’t let me in. In the past, my daughter only looked at her mobile phone when she was studying and relaxing. Now, her learning status has declined, and she is seriously addicted to her mobile phone and cannot live without it all the time. I was so angry that I stood outside the door and shouted: \”Decoding Adolescence, free full text reading pdf + epub + azw3, please be careful, don\’t lock the door and secretly play with your mobile phone inside. It\’s already like this. Don\’t you know how to catch up quickly?\” ?I wantIf it were you, I would be worried to death! \”My daughter shouted excitedly from inside the door: \”Hurry up and leave! Don\’t stand at the door and repeat those nonsense words! If you force me again, I will make you regret it for the rest of your life! \”It made me angry and scared, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to her. She was quarreling about her studies every day. Later, my daughter has developed to the point where she can no longer talk to us peacefully. As long as we open our mouth, even if we just give simple instructions, , eating and dressing, my daughter will start to be irritable, \”It\’s so annoying!\” Can you please stop talking to me! I get annoyed when I see you! \”Her disgusting attitude made me very sad, but in order not to affect my daughter\’s normal study, I endured it. Unexpectedly, my daughter dropped another bombshell! When the second grade of junior high school was about to start, my daughter suddenly Face told us wearily: “I’m going to take a break from school, I don’t want to miss it anymore. I was shocked and asked why: \”Is there something wrong with the school?\” Or what happened? What can you do if you don\’t study now? \”I began to think of all kinds of ways to hope that my daughter would change her mind. I scolded, scolded, cried, and begged…but my daughter seemed to have changed. She only responded to me with indifference. Seeing my daughter who was so good and lively before , it became like this, and I was heartbroken. Is my daughter going to be ruined like this? I had no choice but to go online to find all the information about adolescent children who were tired of school and dropped out of school. After a period of study, I slowly understood that my daughter The bloody truth behind a series of behaviors such as resisting going to school, giving up on yourself, and being addicted to mobile phones! It was also the first time that I seriously reflected on the way I taught my daughter in the past. First of all, I was too strong and liked to find faults. All along, whether it was study or food, clothing, housing, and transportation , everything about my daughter is dominated by me, and she is more like a tool to implement my opinions. When she was a child, the child was attached to her mother and was willing to obey the arrangements of adults. But in adolescence, her sense of autonomy began to sprout, and the child was eager to be respected by adults. I can be my own master. But I still continue the past education methods, and I am used to commanding, preaching, and criticizing. Once my daughter does not satisfy me, I like to find fault. In such a family atmosphere, what my daughter actually feels is There is more negative energy. The daughter is seriously insecure and cannot study with peace of mind. In adolescence, conflicts begin to break out. The first step is also the basis for guiding children to change – to find a harmonious parent-child relationship. A harmonious parent-child relationship, A secure family atmosphere is the first step to start education. Only in such a relationship can your children listen to what you say and think about the truth you say. I am no longer so \”greedy\”. I whipped my little leather whip and urged my daughter to \”be faster and better.\” On the contrary, I slowed down and gave my daughter positive recognition and sincere praise. \”You are in great condition today. \”My daughter is just beautiful.\” \”Is this your favorite song?\” Very tasteful and nice to listen to. \”These silent positive energy that moisturizes things are more effective than my previous begging and scolding. My daughter has felt the changes in me, and her heart has gradually opened up. Just words like this, every little thing, have greatly improved the relationship between me and my daughter. Getting better and better. The second step is to show our love and acceptance to our daughter, no matter what she looks like.We all love her and support her. I sincerely said to my daughter: \”Mom was wrong before. She always asked you and never listened to you carefully. Maybe the way made you feel bad, but please believe that mom really loves you and there is nothing wrong with you.\” Conditions. Mom is also a first-time mother. Can you give me a chance to make corrections and make progress? Thank you, daughter.\” With my continuous efforts and unconditional acceptance, my daughter opened the closed door of her heart. It was also the first time that she talked about the helplessness and fear she had felt since entering junior high school. It turns out that since she was admitted to a key junior high school, her daughter has felt the pressure from her surroundings. The class is full of top students from various elementary schools. She worked hard and studied very hard, fearing that she would be left behind by others. Unexpectedly, even though she worked very hard, she only passed thirty or so in the first month of the exam. She was frustrated and didn\’t know what to do. When we got home, we were criticized and blamed again. She was anxious and anxious, so she studied harder. Sometimes I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night while falling asleep, and I can\’t fall asleep again. So I got up secretly, turned on my small desk lamp, and continued reading and studying. When I heard these things for the first time, I couldn\’t help but burst into tears: \”Why have you never told me?\” My daughter also cried: \”What\’s the use of telling you? What would you say at that time?\” You will definitely say, don\’t do these nonsense, study at night, are you still energetic during the day?\” \”It depends on your test results. If you don\’t do well, you don\’t work hard enough and don\’t pay attention.\” I was speechless. I always only knew how to urge my daughter to work hard and ask her to concentrate, but I never cared about how much pressure she endured and how much hard work she silently put in. None of this is in my eyes. What a cold-blooded mother I am! And this is the real reason why my daughter gives up on herself and resists going to school! If parents only care about their children\’s grades and not care about the children themselves and the efforts they put in, they will push their children into a desperate predicament. Children will find that no matter how hard they try, it is difficult to resist the despair of being constantly picked on despite their efforts. They cannot escape from this psychological prison. Over time, they will easily give up on themselves. In this way, I changed my education method step by step to help my children get back on track. I changed, and my daughter gradually changed with me. With my support and company, my daughter calmed down. She began to be willing to accept my help and share her anxieties and confusions with me, and I would also tell her some of my own thoughts. She can also discuss with me rationally how to adapt to the current learning environment and control her own pace. \”I don\’t need to compare with others, I just compare with myself.\” The long-lost smile reappeared on her face. With this mentality, she naturally returned to school and adjusted well. In the first semester of the second grade of junior high school, her daughter\’s scores in several consecutive small tests were steadily improving. She also gradually found a method that suited her, and regained her sense of accomplishment and value. After going through this dark journey and experiencing the whole process of my daughter being rebellious and tired of studying and dropping out of school, I want to tell parents: If your child suddenly becomes tired of studying, rebellious, and exhibits various \”problem behaviors\”, don\’t rush to beat him or scold him first. , but should calm down and pay attention to this signal,Take the opportunity to reflect on your education! The following three suggestions are given to all adolescent parents: 1. Change the way of communication and accept the current situation and emotions of your children from the bottom of your heart, so that you can provide your children with sufficient energy support. Faced with their children avoiding school, many parents always put their own thoughts on their children as \”experienced people\”: \”What\’s the big deal? What a big deal, don\’t think about it and let it go.\” Children in adolescence, They are independent individuals. They have their own ideas. Parents should respect them and change ineffective communication. Specifically, you can change: \”Don\’t think so\” to: \”I\’d like to hear your thoughts.\” Change: \”Don\’t do that\” to: \”I guess this must be hard.\” Change: \”What can\’t you survive?\” into: \”I will stay with you.\” We must learn to use more healthy and encouraging response methods instead of evaluative and critical responses; abandon unfavorable and ineffective methods for children, such as repeated nagging, blaming and even beating; use more helpful methods for children Communication methods, such as encouraging positive affirmations, etc. This has great positive significance for the child\’s emotional stability and step-by-step improvement. By listening gently and persistently, I allowed my daughter to go from ignoring me at first to gradually opening up her heart, telling me about her current emotions and feelings, and being willing to have more communication and interaction with me. 2. When the parent-child relationship is good and the child is emotionally stable, lead the child to exercise together. Remember, there is no more economical, time-saving, and way to boost your child\’s emotional state than exercise. Sunlight, air, and exercise are the three magic weapons that naturally awaken inner strength. Exercise produces endorphins and dopamine, substances secreted by the pituitary gland that can partially relieve fatigue and pain. At the same time, parents and children can exercise together to regain the intimacy and connection between parents and children, and help children rebuild the foundation of love in their hearts. 3. Believe that children can get better. This belief must be firm. Only when we firmly believe that children can get better will they take our blessings to fill the holes in their hearts and find the courage and energy to face real life. You can go check out Internet celebrity delicacies with your children, sit on the sofa and watch movies, watch documentaries about mountains, lakes, seas, and food, and read celebrity biographies… In the evening, go for a walk in a park near your home and chat casually. During the whole process, do not preach to your children, just relax and accompany your children attentively! There is such a passage on the Internet: \”The road to youth is the road to growth. There is no shortage of flowers and thorns. It is full of happiness, but there must also be trauma. It is the pain of growing up and the cruelty of maturity.\” We often only see the children\’s Irritable and rebellious, little do they know that behind these emotions lies their struggling and tangled hearts. Adolescence is a challenge for every growing child, but hardships make you successful. When facing adolescent children, parents have to let go more than they hold on to. This is not \”humbleness\”, but a kind of fulfillment. Please click \”Like\”, and I hope your children and mine can spend their adolescence smoothly in care and love.