How to educate and communicate with children well

Educating children is a big science. If you supervise too much, you may worry that your children will dislike you; if you supervise too little, you may worry that your children will learn badly. Psychologist Professor Li Meijin once mentioned in an issue of \”Round Table School\” that many parents have some drawbacks when educating their children, and the biggest point is: \”Some parents don\’t care when they should discipline their children, but they shouldn\’t. When the time comes, you start to take care of it.\” The future of a child not only depends on himself, but also on the parenting wisdom of his parents. Behind every outstanding child is the hard work of his parents. Outstanding children are always managed, but naughty children are always spoiled. Parents can raise an excellent child by remembering these 3 points. Manage your time well and let your children develop self-discipline. Backstage, a mother asked me: My child always procrastinates when doing things. He must stare at his homework before doing it. He can watch TV all day long without being reminded. He has to be followed when eating and sleeping. Urgent. The truth has been said a thousand times, but instead of making any improvement, the child is becoming more and more disobedient. What should I do? There is a saying that has been circulating in the parent circle: 9 out of 10 children are lazy, and the other one doesn\’t even listen to what you have to say. It is undeniable that as the pace of our lives becomes faster and faster, we always feel that there is not enough time, but children are not in a hurry and take their time. If you want your children to say goodbye to dilly-dallying, you must let them learn time management. Two suggestions to help children learn time management and develop self-discipline. First, establish a \”visual\” schedule with your child. To teach children to recognize time, parents must find ways to make the abstract \”time\” concrete and event-like. If a child can \”see\” time, visualize time, and be observed by the child, then it will be relatively easier for the child to understand the concept of time. For example, when to get up, when to eat, when to study, when to play… You can DIY your own clock, or use three-segment time cards to connect what the child has to do with time; let the child feel the \”time\” Only by \”eventizing\” and \”lengthening\” can he better understand the concept of time. Second, let the children experience the consequences of dawdling. Some children dilly-dally because they have no sense of time. When a child is dilly-dallying, let him feel that he has lost the opportunity to do something because of dilly-dallying, and he will naturally understand that he should increase the speed at which he does things. A friend’s daughter has a 7-year-old daughter. When she first started in elementary school, she was dawdling in everything she did, looking careless and having nothing to do with me. You urged her, and the child said calmly: \”We children are slow to do things. The more you urge us, the slower we will be.\” Later, a friend said to the child, \”From tomorrow on, mom will not rush you.\” Mom will only remind you that you need to arrange your own time.\” The next day, the child still got up lazily, brushed his teeth and had breakfast. The friend watched quietly from the side, dumbfounded and unable to make a sound. As expected, the child was late for class and was criticized by the teacher. The child looked aggrieved and blamed her mother for not urging her to hurry up. My friend told the child what he said yesterday again, and this time the child seemed to understand. From then on, I never urged the child again. Behind the dawdling child,We all have a parent who keeps urging us, so we might as well be more patient with our children and give them more time. There is an \”overlimit effect\” in psychology: when a person is stimulated too much, too strongly, or for too long, it will cause extreme psychological impatience or rebelliousness, and the final effect will be counterproductive. The famous American humorist Mark Twain once went to listen to a pastor\’s speech. At first, he thought the pastor\’s speech was good and planned to donate money. After 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking, so he became impatient and decided to donate only some change; after another 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking, so he decided not to donate. When the pastor finally finished his speech and began to collect donations, Mark Twain was so angry that he not only did not donate any money, but also stole 2 yuan from the plate. This story is a good explanation of the \”over-limit effect\”, and the same is true for educating children. Excessive anxiety and too much urging will only disrupt the rhythm of a child\’s growth. Wise parents have the courage to \”slow down\”. Manage your habits and let your children develop self-consciousness. Children are never born self-conscious. Behind every self-conscious child is the result of long-term supervision and discipline by parents. The younger a child is, the stronger his plasticity is. Only by developing a good habit when he is young can he be successful when he grows up. Parents must not comfort themselves with the words \”trees grow straight as they grow\”. If you don\’t care about your children when they are young, it will be even harder to care for them when they grow up. Psychologist William James once said: \”Sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.\” Good habits can change A person\’s fate determines a person\’s life. However, the development of habits is a long-term process. Children need to learn, and parents also need to learn. Parents should be patient, and they should explore and adjust according to their children\’s actual situation. It’s important to develop good habits in your children as early as possible. The sooner your children develop the following three habits, the better! First, do what you can do yourself. Dr. Maria Montessori believes: \”The highest goal of educating children is to make them independent; they do not need to rely on their parents either mentally or materially, and they are responsible for their own thoughts and actions.\” After the child is 3 years old , is a critical period for developing the ability to live independently. Parents let go when it’s time to let go, and there are some things that children can do on their own. Common daily behaviors in life, such as dressing and taking off clothes, washing oneself, eating independently, etc., can be allowed to be carried out independently by children. When a child is very young, it is necessary to cultivate his ability to think independently and his awareness of doing his own things. \”Please help me complete it independently\”, this is the inherent requirement of every child\’s nature. Suhomlinsky said: \”What children try to do when they grow up, they should be allowed to do it; give children an environment for free development to help them grow better.\” Education is such a process, let go Let the children do it by themselves, and the children will grow. Second, read a lot every day. Books are the ladder of human progress. Reading can get rid of inner impetuosity, immerse the heart in the peaceful world of words, and provide nourishment and nourishment to the soul. If a person wants to succeed in learning, an important magic weapon is to make reading and learning a habit.used. Cultivating your child\’s habit of loving reading and reading good books from an early age will benefit him throughout his life. \”People\’s Daily\” once published an article reminding parents to encourage their children to read a lot based on their interests. In Jewish families, they love books very much. In every Jewish home, when a child becomes a little sensible, the mother will put a few drops of honey on the Bible and then ask the child to kiss the honey on the Bible. The meaning of this ritual is self-evident: books are sweet. Let children understand that reading is a sweet and happy thing from an early age, so as to arouse children\’s interest in books and words. The ancients said: \”The spirit of poetry and calligraphy comes from the heart.\” Letting children fall in love with reading is the most worthy skill for parents to show off! Third, correct yourself promptly after making mistakes and improve yourself. As children grow up, they will inevitably make mistakes. On the premise of not harming others or themselves, parents should allow their children the opportunity to try and make mistakes. How to deal with children making mistakes? Professor Hong Lan tells everyone the correct answer: I don’t ask you to be perfect, I ask you to learn. When you make a mistake, what matters is not how bad the mistake was or whether it was your fault. The important thing is to turn a mistake into an experience. Einstein once said: \”He who has never made a mistake means that he has never tried anything new.\” Let the children know that no one can never make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from the mistakes and how to correct them and improve them. self. Managing emotions well and allowing children to improve their emotional intelligence and emotional management are issues that no one can avoid. No matter what emotions we have, whether positive or negative, we must face them, pay attention to them, and accept them. Emotions are contagious; gentle parents raise gentle children, and irritable parents raise angry children. Teaching children how to recognize emotions and manage their own emotions can not only harmonize family relationships, but also help improve children\’s emotional intelligence. So, how to help children learn to manage their emotions? First, acknowledge your emotions. Children, like us adults, have their own emotions. Emotions are actually a part of our body. Just like when we look in the mirror, we will see our facial features. We can see smiles and sad expressions. Emotions exist naturally. They are not scourges. The key lies in how we control them. When a child has emotions, we adults must first understand the child\’s emotions with empathy and not condemn the child\’s behavior. Use empathy to understand the child\’s emotions and let the child know that his emotions are recognized, and the child will calm down easily. Second, guide children to express their feelings. How to guide children\’s emotions is actually very simple, which is to guide children to express their feelings. When a child has an emotional outburst, he will not listen to any reason. At this time, the best way is to accompany the child quietly, and let the child have time to cry under the premise of safety. And tell the child, \”I know you are sad. If you want to cry, just cry. Mom will always be with you.\” When the child calms down, you can remind him, \”Baby, tell me how you feel.\” Parents also You can do some demonstrations to let your children know some emotional languages: \”I\’m very angry\”, \”I\’m a little unhappy\”, \”I\’m going to lose my temper!\”… Third,Set boundaries and hold children accountable for their actions. When a child loses his temper, he may cry, throw things, or even hit people. What parents can do is to understand their children\’s emotions and clearly tell them what behaviors are not allowed. Let children learn to be responsible for their own emotions and actions. When setting boundaries for children, it mainly depends on their age. Children aged 0-3 are still at an ignorant stage in their understanding and expression of emotions. They yell, throw things, and lose their temper, all using direct actions to express their emotions. Children aged 4-6 years old enter a period of stable emotional development, and the control of their own emotions changes from passive to active. At this time, parents can learn different emotions with their children through picture books and stories, such as anger, sadness, and happiness, and demonstrate to their children how to express emotions correctly. Smart parents know how to seize the opportunity of their children\’s growth and let them learn how to \”reasonably\” manage their emotions as they grow. Educating children is a big science. One more point or one less point will lead to completely different results. \”Strict control\” is love, \”indulgence\” is harm. Children\’s problems are a reflection of their parents\’ problems. Children\’s problems are only effects, and the cause lies with the parents. I hope all parents in the world will remember these three points when disciplining their children and raise an excellent child.