What are the main causes of depression in children?

\”I have been worried about her for 13 years. Even if she is not grateful, why is she still depressed? I can\’t figure out why she is depressed?\” A few days ago, a friend came to the psychological consultation room. Mom, when talking about her daughter’s depression, she was flustered and confused. After patiently listening to her talk about how she got along with her daughter, her friend discovered that she was a very strong mother. In addition to the airtight \”control\” of her daughter on a daily basis, there are also many suffocating education methods such as beating, scolding, belittling, and even humiliating her daughter from time to time. As a senior psychological counselor, my friend pointedly pointed out: In fact, most of children\’s problems lie with their parents. I deeply agree. Hidden behind every depressed child is often the wrong way of educating his parents. The impact of parents\’ emotional instability on their children is beyond your imagination. Beating and scolding education can make children\’s psychology extreme. Educationalist Yin Jianli once said: \”Spanking and scolding are the worst methods in education. In fact, this barbaric education method has no Any element of \’education\’ will only make parents vent their anger.\” Many parents have always believed that children \”cannot become talented without being beaten\” and believe that \”a filial son will emerge from a stick.\” As everyone knows, beating and scolding education often not only fails to improve children\’s memory, but also stimulates children\’s rebellious psychology and extremes their psychology. I once saw a piece of news that was shocking: Wang Le, a 14-year-old boy, beat his parents violently at home and asked his parents to kneel down and apologize to him. Moreover, his daily behavior was also very extreme: spitting on his father, beating and scolding his elders, hacking down the door at home with a knife, and even committing suicide by jumping out of the window because he lost control of his emotions. Even when reporters came to interview him, they were met with hysterical humiliation from Wang Le: If I were stronger than you, I would have beaten you to death. Why would a 14-year-old boy be so manic and extreme? After calming down, Wang Le finally revealed the reasons behind his extreme behavior. It turned out that he had been beaten and scolded by his parents since he was a child. The most recent time, his father beat him so hard that his nose bled. He has always been afraid of his father and very dissatisfied with his father\’s beating and scolding of him, so his emotions gradually went to extremes over time. There is a saying: The biggest stupidity of parents is to use beating and scolding as a way to vent their children. Children who are often beaten and scolded will only be under the shadow of fists and kicks, and the seeds of hatred will be planted in their hearts from an early age. Then more hatred breeds, and after the superficial obedience rebounds, it goes to the other extreme. Controlling education causes children to lose themselves. Psychologist Li Xue said: \”A body can only bear one soul. If the parents\’ control is airtight, the child is actually spiritually dead.\” As a parent, you are most afraid of losing yourself in the name of love. Constantly invading children\’s lives. Do you still remember Song Qian in the TV series \”Little Joy\”? How to teach children to develop self-discipline – self-driven growth – free reading mobi+epub+azw3 In order to cultivate outstanding academic children, Song Qian directly implemented suffocating control over her daughter Qiao Yingzi: She was afraid that her daughter would be disturbed by the outside world, so she Install \”monitoring window\” and \”soundproof wall\” in the room; fear of affecting daughter\’s illnessShe forced her daughter to eat sea cucumbers on an empty stomach early in the morning when she was studying. She was afraid that her daughter would be distracted, so she did not allow her to play with Lego or go to her favorite planetarium. As a result, in the end, under her \”all-encompassing\” control, Qiao Yingzi not only became depressed, but also cried with despair and wanted to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge. She yelled hysterically at her mother: I don’t have any private space; every day is like being in prison, I can’t breathe; I hate you, and I just want to escape from you. Many parents always think that relying on their own ideas and arranging everything for their children is for the benefit of their children. But they forget that the desire to control is a poison, it will only put heavy shackles on children. Let the children fall into the abyss of pain under airtight control, and suffer endless physical and mental oppression and torture. A study by the University of London in the UK pointed out: \”Children who are controlled by their parents for a long time will cause lifelong harm. When they grow up, they will have poor independence and strong dependence. No matter what stage they are, their happiness index will be lower.\” Children who are controlled by their parents have no A puppet who is different from his parents can only follow the path arranged by his parents. Over time, you will lose the ability to think independently, lose your own opinion, and lose yourself. Demeaning education makes children have low self-esteem. Many parents are obsessed with being their children\’s \”negative judges\” in the process of educating their children. You cannot see the bright spots in your children, and you cannot accept and appreciate your children from the bottom of your heart. Instead, they blindly deny, attack, and even belittle their children. As a result, their children become more and more inferior. Qi Mingyue in the TV series \”In the Name of Family\” is a living example. She is beautiful and excels in studies, but she has very little self-confidence and is hesitant and timid in doing things. The reason why he has such a character is due to his mother\’s demeaning education. Growing up, her mother would always pick on her about everything she did, including eating, ordering food, and dressing up. She was often denied and hit by her mother in various ways. In the negative comments from her mother day after day, Qi Mingyue gradually formed a subconscious feeling in her heart, that is, she could not do anything well. Derogatory education is like a curse, eroding and erasing all children\’s self-confidence bit by bit, causing children to habitually deny themselves and develop a sense of low value. Just like Qi Mingyue, she is obviously very good, but she has never been confident. One netizen said that he has been belittled and disliked by his mother since he was a child. Later, even though her mother had passed away, she still subconsciously felt that her mother would dislike her every day. It is the pain in every child\’s heart not to be recognized and affirmed by his or her relatives. Child educator Montessori once said: Children do not judge themselves, they judge themselves based on other people\’s evaluations of them. For children, parents\’ evaluation is a channel for their self-awareness and determines the tone of their self-confidence to the greatest extent. Therefore, if parents often attack and belittle their children, no matter how confident they are, their parents\’ negative words will gradually make them self-doubtful, sensitive and inferior, and lose confidence in anything they do. How to effectively prevent children from becoming depressed? Whether it is beating, controlling, belittling or humiliating, it is undoubtedly a nightmare for children. Any of these, if tolerated too much, will be enough to cause the child to appearMental illness, whether mild or severe, can even cause children to self-mutilate, suffer from depression, commit suicide and other consequences. A set of data released by the People\’s Daily shows that the detection rate of depression among adolescents in my country is as high as 24.6%. In other words, basically one in every four children is depressed. The huge data makes many parents panic, fearing that their children will become one of these \”patients\” one day. So, how can parents prevent their children from becoming depressed? The answer lies in the following education methods: 1. Encouraging education: The book \”Children: Challenge\” points out: Children need encouragement, just like plants need water. No matter what stage of growth a child is at, giving them appropriate encouragement, affirmation, and support will bring them confidence, motivation, and energy. Because the deepest human need is to be appreciated. For example, when a child makes progress, praise him; when he encounters setbacks, encourage him; when he makes a mistake, accept his shortcomings and give him guidance instead of rushing to rebuke or criticize. These positive education methods will be like precious nutrients, nourishing children to grow better. Immersion education: Today, many parents are anxious and eager for their children to succeed. But education is a long-distance race, and the more you rush it, the more counterproductive it will be. The best way is to moisturize things silently like the spring rain. Set an example and slowly penetrate into every moment of daily life. For example, if you want your children to fall in love with reading, parents can first set an example in front of their children, put down their mobile phones and read; if they want their children to be gentle and not irritable, parents can first try to control their emotions and not yell at their children; If you want your child to exercise more, start moving yourself and then attract the child to join you instead of lying on the sofa and ordering the child to move earnestly. When parents use their own behavior as a carrier to infiltrate their educational intentions into specific situations, the children will naturally be influenced by their ears and eyes, gradually infiltrating their temperament, precipitating quality, establishing three views, and growing up healthily. 3. Loving education: The so-called loving education means giving enough love to children in the process of raising them. However, giving love to children does not mean buying delicious snacks or toys, but satisfying children’s material needs is called love. Rather, it is about understanding the child\’s heart from the heart, seeing the child\’s needs, respecting the child\’s nature, and allowing the child to become a spiritually rich person. Zhou Guoping once wrote in \”Love and Loneliness\”: The flower raised at home committed suicide. In his suicide note, he wrote: \”I have no worries about food and clothing in my life, but I lack sunshine and love.\” No matter when, the love of parents is always the driving force for a child\’s growth, the child\’s greatest confidence, and the guardian of the child\’s soul. Children who are watered by their parents\’ love will have light in their eyes, smiles on their faces, and sweetness in their hearts. They will be nourished by childhood throughout their lives.