How to deal with rebellious children in adolescence

\”Disobedience\” is a true portrayal of adolescence. Almost all human children will not let their parents worry when they enter adolescence. Most of them will have a period of rebellion and resistance with their parents, \”You want me to go east and I will go west, and if you ask me to chase the dogs, I will catch the chickens.\” However, Chinese parents also have to undergo an additional test: the most exciting period in adolescence. The time is the age of entering junior high school and high school, which happens to be the most intense period of involution in examination-oriented education. Most parents are worried about their children having accidents during this period. They hope that their children will be able to concentrate on reading textbooks throughout middle school, and then successfully enter university, preferably a 985 university or a more famous university. Parents are particularly afraid that their children\’s development will deviate from the usual track, which creates a tension: in adolescence, when children are most \”disobedient\”, parents most expect them to be obedient and sensible. As a result, there are tensions, intrigues, backfires, and disgrace… For example, the \”secondary school phenomenon\” we often talk about refers to the fact that children suddenly become very rebellious when they are about 14 years old, tired of studying, playing truant, running away from home, and other similar behaviors. There are more children. These seemingly \”out of control\” behaviors are actually manifestations of children\’s independent consciousness and exploratory development. Driven by a rebellious mentality, children aged thirteen or fourteen are eager to leave their native families and travel around the world. Parents are so tortured that they want to throw their children away, so independence and separation become natural. What children of this age need most is the cooperation of peers and the guidance of teachers, and what they dislike most is the nagging of their parents. Decoding Adolescence free full text reading pdf+epub+azw3 At this time, if they can get out of the family, they will enter the first stage of psychological maturity and economic independence. However, looking at their children\’s declining performance, how can parents still have the time to cheer for their children\’s sense of independence or spirit of exploration? During consultations, I often encounter cases like this: parents hope that their adolescent children can study as focused as they did back then and try their best to get into a good university. But the child said: \”You have prepared good enough living conditions for me, why should I work so hard?\” The dependence reflected in such words makes parents despair. But if you explore the child\’s logic, you will find that it is not unreasonable. After all, the reason why my parents worked so hard back then was because they wanted to get rid of a poor and hard life. If life back then was as materially rich as it is now, would they still work so hard? Many people who have succeeded in the college entrance examination have entered the middle class through higher education. They will closely associate learning with \”exams\” and associate \”good schools\” with \”smarter\”, \”more promising\” and \”getting a better education\”. This is actually the living condition they saw in a social environment with few opportunities and poor information when they were children. And their children who grow up in metropolitan areas with abundant information and opportunities will find that their parents’ outlook on development is vastly different from the reality they are exposed to. In adolescence, they want to see the world with their own eyes, and parents’ overemphasis on the “universality” of their own growth experiences will make children full of inner conflicts. On the one hand, the children know that their parents have a good social status and may have good opinions to listen to, but their parents are not familiar with the current situation.Real understanding often seems to them to be foolish. So, they went against the grain, threw aside their parents\’ opinions, and turned \”lying down\” into a means of resistance. When differences in values ​​are fueled by rebellious psychology and reach their peak in adolescence, parents will face more severe tests. Parents think their children are \”degenerate\”, while children think their parents are stubborn. At this stage, the more conscientious and diligent parents are, the greater the conflicts they will encounter. Don’t try to be your child’s “life mentor.” When children enter adolescence, parents are faced with a group of strange species and have to learn to be parents. At this time, parents will find that the words they said to their children before puberty, such as \”You should study hard,\” \”You should have a good relationship with your classmates,\” and \”You should observe discipline,\” suddenly become clichés that offend their children. . This is because, driven by hormones, children no longer want to obey authority, especially what their parents say. Some thoughtful parents will look back on their own adolescence and try to use their own experiences to understand their children. This is certainly admirable, and indeed more likely to lead to better communication than clinging to an adult identity in the present. However, in view of the rapidly changing times, the experiences and memories of twenty or thirty years ago may not have much reference value. Learning to be a parent means that we must first seriously understand what adolescence is and what kind of development themes adolescent children face. In this process, parents should not expect to be able to act as their children’s life mentors. Adolescents\’ basic experience with guidance from their parents is one of disgust and confrontation – the part of the brain related to parent-child attachment experiences seems to have suddenly transformed into parent-child aversion. If that education and guidance comes from others outside the family, it actually doesn\’t sound so harsh to them. So giving up trying to continue to play an important role in the development of your child\’s pursuits and aspirations will at least keep things from evolving in a self-defeating direction. Even if you are an excellent teacher, you must put away your \”face\” as an educator when facing adolescent children. Because adolescent children will not respect their parents\’ opinions more than other children just because their parents are educators. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. Download the high-definition scanned PDF version. However, parents who are engaged in education are more likely than parents in other professions to be obsessed with continuing to obtain obedience from their children, and most students respect them, so in They may appear overly worried and frustrated when contradicted by their own children. However, educators must realize that the roles of parents and teachers are completely different. If the roles of teachers and parents cannot be freely transformed, adolescent children will have a particularly bad impression of their parents. Be wary of mental health problems in adolescence. During adolescence, a small number of parents face not only common parent-child relationship tensions, but also quite dilemmas. They found that the child\’s behavior was extremely exaggerated and everything seemed to be out of the norm: he was extremely dependent on his parents in life, he gave up on himself in terms of personal development, his temper was unpredictable, and he was extremely aggressive. Parents are worried that their children\’s condition will continue, and they dare not make decisions that will help normal adolescence.Changes in the parenting style of adolescent development have resulted in the dilemma of \”it is neither possible to control nor nor to ignore\”. When this happens, parents need to consider whether their child has a mental health problem. After all, adolescence is a period of high incidence of severe mental disorders (such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.). These mental disorders are primarily due to biological and genetic factors, with psychological factors and parenting playing only a minor role. When a child has a mental disorder, it cannot be solved by communication. If a disease is ignored and treatment is delayed, it will cause lifelong regret. Because adolescence is the first time in life to reflect on the past growth experience from a perspective close to that of an adult. The shortcomings, trauma and lasting negative pressure experienced in the previous ten years of growth can easily manifest into psychological abnormalities, and these abnormalities It will also look sudden and extreme. If a child lacks care and affirmation before the age of 3, lacks the guidance of role models between the ages of 3 and 6, does not gain a sense of belonging in school and among his peers in elementary school, and is not encouraged to gain a sense of accomplishment through hard work, then by adolescence, the child may have inner problems. To be in a state of emptiness or confusion. They will spend their adolescence trying to regain what they have lost or never gained before, and they do not know how to realize the new needs and desires that are bound to emerge during adolescence. Parents who avoid or fail to fulfill their responsibilities before their children reach adolescence will inevitably be at a loss even if they regret it at this time. If parents remain patient enough and are willing to make difficult changes and explorations, then with the help of professional psychologists, teachers and other social roles, adolescents in adolescence will be able to obtain a good enough life experience and be willing to By reorganizing his relationship with the world, the emptiness and chaos in his heart will gradually become clearer and fuller.