Smart mothers would rather \”suffer their children\” than themselves

Recently, a video of a post-90s mother eating mango made tens of thousands of netizens laugh and feel sick to their stomachs. In the video, Bao\’s mother peeled a mango for her 4-year-old son. The son took the mouth-watering mango and gnawed it with a look of satisfaction. Next, a giant mango several times larger than a son’s hand appeared in the video. The golden flesh made people salivate after seeing it. When my son saw it, he was dumbfounded! It turns out that this is the super big mango that my mother prepared for herself. The son eats the smaller ones and the mother eats the bigger ones. This operation caused netizens to burst into laughter and left messages: \”What does being a mother bring to a woman…what is delicious?\” \”Women are weak, but mothers are good at it.\” …6\” While being amused by the comment section, I couldn\’t help but think of the most popular parenting concepts in the past two years: \”No matter how sweet you are, you can\’t sweeten your children, and no matter how bitter you are, you can\’t hurt yourself\”; \”Children and grandchildren will have their own blessings, and I will enjoy the blessings without children and grandchildren.\” \”The poor will support a son, the poor will support a daughter, the rich will support oneself to grow up.\” Every word seems \”selfish\” at first glance, but if you think about it carefully, every word is the truth! Bad mothers always try their best to sweeten their children and make themselves miserable. In traditional education, \”You can\’t hurt your children even if you suffer yourself\” is an enduring theme and is synonymous with great maternal love. Therefore, many mothers will choose to \”sacrifice\” themselves without complaint to meet all the needs of their children: buy a pair of 1299 sneakers for your children! You have to hesitate for a long time to buy a T-shirt at a special price; sign up for a 200-yuan English class for your child! I bought a box of half-price facial masks but hesitated… This is a true portrayal of many mothers, great, but sad. How parents should educate their children: A complete set of 10 volumes of children\’s education mobi+epub+azw3 I couldn\’t help but think of the documentary \”Are They Spoiled?\” \”, the story of a 15-year-old \”shoe-obsessed\” girl. There is a large shoe cabinet in the girl\’s home. The shoe cabinet is filled with various brand-name shoes, many of which have not even taken off their tags, so they have obviously never been worn. The girl is well-dressed and has a room full of designer shoes. I thought this was a wealthy family at first, but the result was shocking. It turns out that these shoes were bought by my divorced mother who worked three jobs a day. In the video, the mother is naked, her face is haggard, and her clothes are old and faded. This is in sharp contrast to her daughter who wears designer clothes. In order to fulfill her daughter\’s wish, this mother, like thousands of mothers, chose to support her, and then she made endless \”self-sacrifice\”. Going out early and coming back late, I am bent over and exhausted, swallowing all the \”bitterness\” alone in exchange for the \”sweetness\” of my children. It\’s really sad. But this is definitely not an exception. I once saw a netizen’s story on Zhihu. The netizen grew up in a poor family and lived in a small and dark rental house. My father is a construction worker, and my mother sells breakfast at a stall in front of her house. But when a netizen was a child, she felt that her family was very rich because she always had new clothes and had meat to eat every meal. As she grew up, she realized that she often had new clothes because her mother was frugal and used all the money to buy new dresses for her; and that she had meat every time because her mother used the few meat she had. It was all left to her. This made the netizen a little uncomfortable, so every time she failed in the exam or did something outrageous, she felt guiltyI feel guilty and feel ashamed of my mother’s efforts. There is no doubt that maternal love is great. But sacrificing yourself blindly to fulfill your children is not the only way to express maternal love. The educational concept of \”you cannot suffer your children even if you suffer yourself\” is no longer appropriate. The more you put your children first in everything, the more your children will turn a blind eye to you. In my family, my cousin is known as a \”child controller\”. She didn’t tell her what she wanted to buy. She put the best meat into her son’s bowl every time, squeezed toothpaste for her son in the morning and evening, and prepared daily changes of clothes… \”I can do whatever I want, and I can’t be wronged.\” Have a baby.\” This is my cousin\’s mantra. However, such wholehearted dedication did not bring about contentment and gratitude from his son. Some time ago, my cousin had a minor surgery and was hospitalized. When I went to visit her, she wiped away tears and said, \”I\’m not at home, and I don\’t know how my son is doing.\” Even though she was in the hospital bed, she was still thinking about her son\’s food and clothing, but she completely ignored a grim fact. : My son has never come to visit his biological mother even once. Faced with my \”scolding\”, my cousin anxiously tried to smooth things over for her son: \”He\’s busy studying, so it doesn\’t matter.\” Just as I sighed, he actually called me. My cousin picked it up excitedly. \”I want to get a new mobile phone, about five to six thousand.\” A nonchalant voice came from the other end of the phone. I originally thought it was a call from my son who was concerned about his mother, but I didn\’t expect it was a call asking for money. My cousin\’s heart suddenly dropped. There is a \”Berber\’s Law\” in psychology, which means that when a person has experienced strong stimulation, subsequent stimulation will become insignificant to him. In other words, if a mother sacrifices her own interests for a long time and treats her children unconditionally, then the children will become accustomed to it and remain unmoved. I can\’t help but think of the story of Lao Yan and his wife in the TV series \”An Jia\”. Lao Yan and his wife have been selling steamed buns in Shanghai for more than ten years and saved more than 3 million yuan to buy a wedding house for their son. In order to make their son happy, the old couple only wrote the names of their son and daughter-in-law on the property certificate. In order not to let their son suffer the pain of paying off the mortgage, they also chose to pay a lump sum to buy the wedding house. Just as Lao Yan and his wife happily packed their luggage and rode a tricycle to the new house they bought, they were \”kicked out\” by their son and daughter-in-law. With nowhere to go, they had to sleep on the floor in a small bun shop. After spending all their life savings to buy a new house for their son in Shanghai, the son actually made the old couple unable to even step through the door of their new house. It is really sad. Educator Makarenko once said: \”Giving everything to the children, sacrificing everything for the children, this is the most terrible gift that parents give to their children.\” No wonder so many mothers swallowed all the hardships, but raised A child who is ungrateful. Behind the tragedy, it is never that mother\’s love is too little, but too much. A mother\’s highest wisdom is to put her own needs first. American family therapy master Satya wrote a very famous poem, and one of the passages goes like this: If you don\’t love yourself, you can\’t come. Love me; this is the principle of love; for you cannot give what you do not have. I deeply agree. As a mother, the most important thing to learn is never how to love your children, but how to love yourself. The following three methods are worth learning from every mother:1. Learn to let yourself go appropriately. I believe that many people will set many standards for themselves intentionally or unintentionally after becoming mothers: they have to clean the house every day, cook for their children every day, accompany their children to do homework every day… Once that day If you fail to do this, you will feel that you can\’t live up to your children and this family. But actually, what happens if you don’t clean up the house for a day? Maybe it will stimulate children\’s potential to take the initiative to do housework? Occasionally I feel lazy and don’t want to cook, so what if I order takeout? Maybe the children will eat more deliciously? What if you occasionally hide in your room to catch up on TV dramas and don’t supervise your children’s homework? Maybe it just happened to cultivate the child\’s sense of self-discipline? Only by learning to let yourself go can you face your children in a more relaxed state. 2. Put investment in yourself first. Once I attended a parent-teacher meeting, a mother shared her parenting experience as a parent representative. Her well-dressed and elegant manner attracted envious looks from the simple old mothers in the audience. The first lesson this mother shared was \”Be willing to invest in yourself.\” It turned out that she would set aside a budget every month to buy clothes for herself, and she also signed up for ballet classes. \”I have earned my money so hard, of course it should be spent on me first.\” This half-joking, half-serious statement made other mothers think deeply. Some people say that motherhood is the hardest job in the world. Then, mother deserves all the good things in the world. If you like something, buy it directly; if you like a course, sign up boldly. Only mothers who are willing to invest in themselves will be better and can become role models and pride for their children. 3. Be true to yourself in front of your children. In the high-scoring documentary \”Amazing Mom\”, I really like the story of Xin Xin, a single mother. Xin Xin is a typical outspoken Sichuan girl. Her son is 7 years old, very naughty and active, and keeps barking. Although she knew she was being filmed, Xin Xin didn\’t care at all. When her son hit her with a hard object, she became angry and immediately used the method of \”fighting violence with violence\” to educate her son until he became obedient. On weekdays, if her son doesn\’t clear his desk or do his homework on time, Xin Xin will yell at her. Just when many viewers didn\’t understand, Xin Xin made a convincing point: \”I don\’t care about scientific parenting. I can do it as long as I feel comfortable.\” It turns out that in Xin Xin\’s view, being true to yourself is the most important thing. important. And their mother-son relationship, instead of becoming tense because of Xin Xin\’s \”reality\”, is getting better and better. Accepting yourself, recognizing yourself, and not changing or disguising yourself for the sake of your children is the highest state of a mother\’s love for herself. After all, what a child needs most is not a perfect mother, but a real mother. If we say, being a mother is a practice. Essentials for family education: How to encourage children’s progress and self-confidence, 70 episodes in total. Then, the first step in spiritual practice must be to learn to pamper yourself. Only a mother who knows how to love herself can radiate the light of love and light up her children\’s path; only a mother who knows how to pamper herself can spread the heat of love and warm her children\’s hearts. Give it a like and hope that all mothers in the world can use their love to become the most beautiful mothers in their children\’s hearts.