What kind of mother does a child need?

In the early morning, after finishing my morning training, I found a series of new messages on WeChat from my mother. The familiar Xiangyin is my mother’s little excitement. Mom said: I picked the vegetables at home, packed them neatly, and sent you a big box. They are all your favorite winter vegetables, cabbage moss, and green cabbage… You can\’t buy them in Beijing. I grow these vegetables by myself and only use organic fertilizer. If it\’s not too fresh when you receive it, I\’ll send it to you again. Mom said, I finally learned how to send express delivery, and I can send it to you often. I can dry it and send it to my sister. I finally learned a new thing. I\’m so happy. It\’s quite fun. In her voice, her mother was as happy as a child. Mom is so happy now that she can send things, but I have mixed feelings in my heart. I am immersed in my mother\’s pure maternal love, and I am also immersed in the memories of the past. I am even more grateful that I can take this step – to reconcile with my mother and express my love. Have you ever thought that I have resented my mother for many years because I couldn’t send things. That year, I was studying for a Ph.D. and joining the army, but I didn’t know that my salary wouldn’t be paid until New Year’s Day. I was broke and asked my mother to borrow money on the phone. My mother agreed without hesitation. I waited and waited, but my mother scolded me angrily on the phone and said she wouldn\’t send it. How could you not send money? I didn\’t understand it at all at the time, and my mother really didn\’t know how. Out of anger, I quickly married myself. The war between my mother and I started from that time. I couldn\’t forgive her, and I was at odds with myself for more than ten years. It wasn\’t until I started studying Satir\’s psychology that I truly began to understand my mother. Teacher Wang Jianfei asked me: \”How did you live such a tenacious life until today?\” Teacher Ma Chunshu always gave me support and strength when I needed it. Teacher Li Chongjian chose me through a rare international online exchange. Teacher Tianyuan left me the last opportunity for in-depth dialogue in 2021. Good Mom\’s Parenting Experience for Parents 0-3 Years Old Ultra-clear pdf I began to look back at my mother\’s life, my relationship with her, and what my mother had given me. I chose to reconcile with my mother and myself. My mother has never read a day and is illiterate. Grandma is very good at giving birth. She gives birth to a son every time she gives birth to a daughter. Mom has two brothers and two sisters. Grandma was born because she didn’t want to raise her, so she stayed here to earn food rations. Grandma, who was a child bride, disliked her mother very much. My grandfather, who has experienced the ups and downs of his family, doesn\’t like my mother either. My mother longed to study, but her grandparents refused to let her go to school. My grandfather\’s family was originally a large family in western Hunan. For generations, they made a living from the Chinese herbal medicine hall. They went to the mountains to collect herbs, process them, treat people\’s illnesses, and hang pots to help the world. At that time, Li\’s Pharmacy, as recorded in \”Song Notes on Western Hunan\”, traveled along the Yuan River, across Dongting, to the Yangtze River, and onto the Wuhan Wharf to sell high-quality Chinese herbal medicines from Western Hunan to the Central Plains. During the turbulent years of the country, my great-grandfather, who witnessed the Revolution of 1911, returned home and said that the country was about to change, so he began to make various preparations. Later, he witnessed the Agrarian Revolution in Wuhan. My great-grandfather sold all his pharmacies, properties, and houses, and eventually became a poor farmer. The light in exchange was buried in the ground. In Daxing Water ConservancyIn the 1950s when the project was underway, the family could only watch as the wealth sank to the bottom of the water. That year, my mother was born, and my grandfather thought that my mother was unlucky. My mother was raised by my great-grandfather. Grandpa angrily threw my mother into a pig manure pit, just as my great-grandfather returned from abroad. The short time spent with my great-grandpa was the happiest day in my mother\’s life. My mother also learned from my great-grandfather that he was shrewd, domineering and capable. He had a very flexible business acumen and refused to admit defeat or compromise with fate. These spiritual qualities of my mother supported her through the most difficult years. The misfortune of marriage caused my mother to experience all the ups and downs and hardships a woman can experience in her life. For me, in the days when I had no fixed place to live, in the years when food was hard to come by, when no one around me would send my daughter to school, she relied on her own hands and her stubborn obsession to make my daughter happy. I sent it to school. In order to survive, my mother secretly learned to identify and prepare medicinal materials from her grandfather, broke into Changde City alone, opened the door to a medicinal material company, then collected the medicinal materials herself, processed them, and then sold them to pharmacies and medicinal material companies. My mother humbly learned from the men who were doing business in the market and learned how to resell goods. She had no capital, so she bought them on credit from both ends and bought them at low prices from afar. What she earned was actually travel expenses. My mother also worked as a coolie for farmers in Duodao, harvesting crops under the scorching sun during the double-grabbing period, and earning 10 yuan a day… When I was young, it was difficult for me to see my mother. When I was 6 years old, I was fostered in my aunt\’s house and suffered all kinds of humiliation and abuse. When I was 7 years old, my mother sent me to live in school. When I see my mother during the holidays, she gets angry easily and beats and scolds me. It was even harder to ask her for money when I went back to school, and I often felt ashamed. I don\’t like such a domineering or even brutal mother. I have a lot of complaints about my mother. I blame my mother for why she can\’t be as gentle as other mothers, why she beats me and scolds me indiscriminately, why I am so good at studying but still dissatisfied with me, and why it is so difficult to give me living expenses. When I grew up, I still couldn\’t understand my mother. I had a lot of fear, a lot of inferiority, and a lot of entanglements in my heart. I blamed all of this on my mother. Studying Satya and listening to Li Chongjian’s growth story, I slowly understood my mother. My mother is domineering and brutal, that is her way of survival. An illiterate woman with a child in tow is a lot of dislike in the countryside and is easily bullied. My mother used her external domineering attitude to squeeze her way out among the men and survived. Not only did she support me, but she also sent me to school. Her biggest hope is that I can get out of the mountains, have a good job, a good life, not suffer the hardships of rural women, and be able to control my own destiny. My mother expressed her love for me in the opposite way, and I couldn\’t accept it. My mother has a tenacious vitality, and she has a spirit of unwillingness to admit defeat. In her words: \”When water comes, earth will cover you, and when the soldiers come, the soldiers will come.\” Many people who were stronger than her bullied her, but she never compromised and fought hard to the end. She seems to have nothing to fear and knows everyone she meets. She has no education, but she travels all over the country and does business with no money. Mom said that even ghosts are afraid of her. Mom gave this lifeThe tenacity of life was passed down to me. I am like a copper pea that cannot be broken, smashed or resoundingly. Difficulties cannot defeat me, and setbacks cannot destroy me. The harder life is, the more I can bounce back. But I didn\’t realize it before. The thing my mother said to me the most was that she regretted not having read. This desire for reading has been implanted in my mind since I was a child. I have a natural liking for reading. When I was young, when the state-owned enterprises in the small town closed down, my mother immediately ran to the library and bought the books that were treated as waste without counting them and took them home for me to read. When everyone tried to persuade him to give up sending me to study, she firmly said that girls in rural areas will only suffer if they don\’t study. She would be happy when I got good grades, but she would never reward me. Instead, she would often show up at school to express her gratitude to the teachers who gave me special care. She would send me charcoal for heating and agricultural products from home. When my place in school was faked, my mother spent a month running around the county town every day. In the end, the principal of the joint school who had committed fraud was punished as he deserved. My mother rarely told me the principles of reading, but her persistence in reading made me fall in love with reading unconsciously, and my academic performance has always been among the best. However, I always feel that this is my own effort and has nothing to do with my mother. My mother gave me enough space to grow. I always made my own decisions, which cultivated my ability to be independent and have a strong ability to survive. I have been a good cook since I was a child, and I work quickly and efficiently. I had the courage to leave my hometown and travel around the country at the age of 16. All choices, whether right or wrong, were based on my own heart. The pain I felt my less-than-perfect mother caused me made me resolutely leave home far away, which gave me the courage to venture out and try out various possibilities in life. I have done scientific research, worked as an editor, worked in administration, and now I am exploring the field of psychology. My curiosity about new things, just like my mother, never stops. However, I always feel that I am naturally strong. Now, looking back at the love and death between my mother and I, I understand her. Got it, my mom gave me the best love she could give me. Although there is hurt, the power of love is enough to withstand this hurt. Many people say that I am kind, and I know that my kindness comes from my mother. Many people say that I am strong. My strength comes from my mother. Many people say that I have enough self-esteem, which comes from my mother. I know that I can not be afraid of external evaluation. The outside world says that I am good, but I am not necessarily as good as they say. The outside world says that I am not good, but I am not necessarily as bad as they say. I just have to be myself. I don\’t have success in the worldly sense, but I have enough courage to live my life well and let my life have the color it deserves. What kind of mother do you want to be? There is no standard answer to this. Yuan Longping wrote in \”Mom, the Rice is Ripe\”, \”Mom, every time my research yields results, every time I talk and laugh at the international forum, every time I receive one trophy after another, I always say to people, The person who has the deepest influence on me in this life is you, my mother!\” Mother is always the person who has the greatest influence on her children. A stable mother is the anchor of stability for her children. We can’t be too hard on ourselves to be the best momsMom, take good care of your child. We just need to be ourselves. Being ourselves is a role model for our children. The best mother only needs to be the spiritual strength and emotional sustenance of the child, give the child the best love we can give, put down expectations, and let the child have the courage to be himself. That\’s it. If we have not done well enough in the past, then forgive ourselves. The past is past, and it is best to change now. If we are still not doing well enough, then allow ourselves to be real mothers and we will continue to learn and grow. We should not be the ceiling for our children, nor should we turn our expectations into a heavy burden for them. We act as the fulcrum on the see-saw of a child\’s growth, allowing him to move up and down stably; we act as a wall for the child to test, and when the child\’s emotional fist hits us, we are here steadily; we act as a container, allowing the child to grow in this place. Freedom in the container. This is security. Children will eventually grow up. What they need is a mother who allows them to grow into themselves.