The harm of verbal violence from parents to children

The British philosopher Francis Bacon said that it is better to speak thoughtfully than eloquently, and to speak appropriately than to flatter. But often, many parents don\’t know how to talk to their children, and they use \”verbal violence\” without paying attention, hurting their children. 01 When I watched \”Where Are We Going, Dad 6\”, my favorable impression of Yang Shuo plummeted. His way of educating children was really suffocating. Because when he first got off the bus, his son was dizzy and walked the wrong way. As a result, his father scolded him and said, \”Can\’t you walk?\” Yang Yuchen, who was originally coming to participate in the event, was suddenly extinguished. . When choosing a house, it was completely random. His son liked the number \”5\” and said it was his lucky number, but Yang Shuo wanted to say: \”No. 5 is not my lucky number.\” When he learned that No. 5 was on the top of the highest mountain, his father Yang Shuo was even more angry. Even though the staff said that the child could be hugged if he couldn\’t walk, he ignored him and kept urging: \”If you can\’t walk faster, go to the entrance of the village and start again.\” Let’s go once!” Perhaps Yang Shuo just wanted to show his strict father side, but he didn’t expect that his “verbal violence” was hurting the child little by little. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Yang Yuchen said softly: \”Then choose 1 next time!\” As a result, Yang Shuo said: \”Then the house No. 1 will be the farthest next time.\” The child had already compromised unconditionally, but he still didn\’t feel that he was at fault, and even went so far as to hurt his young son. Perhaps, he himself did not feel that his words were \”verbal violence\”. Instead, he said that during the seven years when the child was growing up, he might not have been around for half a year. Is this an excuse for you to wantonly harm your children? Obviously he doesn’t know how to communicate with children! I was also participating in a show, and I chose the wrong house. I burst into tears in front of my father, Du Jiang. The father\’s choice was to fan his son first to cool him down, and then tell him that you don\’t want to cry anymore, and we will communicate together. After Uhm calmed down, he slowly talked to his son about the house, and he agreed with Uhm\’s emotions very much. He also said that if they encountered it, we would find a way to deal with it together. No wonder Du Jiang and Huo Siyan\’s parenting methods have always been talked about. This is a textbook way of communicating with children! 02 I read a story about a little boy with a bad temper who was finally surrendered by his father. What is reflected in the story is the sequelae of \”verbal violence\”. The little boy often lost his temper. In order to stop him, his father gave him a bag of nails and said, \”Every time you lose your temper, hammer a nail into the fence.\” The little boy hammered 37 nails; nailed 2 nails;… Later, the little boy began to try not to lose his temper. His father said, if you don\’t lose your temper for a day, you can pull out one nail. When the little boy had pulled out all the nails, his father came over and said to his son seriously: \”Son, you did a good job, but the nail holes in the fence will never be the same again!\” Yes, the nails were pulled out! It fell off, but the hole is still there, and there are always traces. Since then, the little boy rarely loses his temper, and has gradually learned not to be irritable when dealing with people around him. Because he knew that even if the nails were pulled out, there would still be traces. A friend said, when he was a child, because his family was poor and there were many sisters, his mother was always busy. One time he accidentally broke a bowl while serving rice. His mother was very angry and said to him: \”What\’s the use of raising you? You can\’t even hold the bowl!\” Although he also knew that his mother felt sorry for Wan Wan, she didn\’t really mean to say that. Before going to bed at night, her mother also told him not to worry if he was too angry during the day. But after that, he became more inferior and felt that he couldn\’t do anything well. Every time he got emotional, he would say, \”I can\’t even serve the bowl, so what\’s the use!\” You see, this is violent language. of sequelae. My parents think that just apologizing is enough, so why are they still refusing to forgive me? In fact, it\’s not that the children are recalcitrant, but that parents shouldn\’t communicate with their children in this way. This is essentially a problem with the communication method. French psychologist and doctor Emile Coue mentioned in \”Psychological Suggestion: Awakening the Best Self\”: Language has a very powerful suggestive effect. If you often speak positive and positive language to your children, I believe that your children will become better and better. On the contrary, every time you talk to your children, you will hit and reprimand them. It will be difficult for your children to be excellent! Some parents may say, I also want to have a good talk with my child, but the key is that I don’t know what to say or how to say it, but he doesn’t listen and gets angry. I used to be such a parent, but after hearing the story of Nail, I no longer dared to indulge my emotions like this. I was a little nervous when talking to my children and didn\’t know how to express them. Later, I came across a book called \”Nonviolent Communication\”, which helped me \”make the difference\”. With my child, I finally knew how to communicate so that he could listen. When a child encounters difficulties, I know what to say; when a child needs supervision, I know what to say; when a child does not like learning, I know how to say; when a child makes a mistake, I know how to say… \”Nonviolent Communication\” \”It allowed me to go from accepting the child to improving the parent-child relationship to teaching the child to learn self-management. Until now, my relationship with him has finally become like a friend. My son told me that he hoped that when he reached puberty, he could still tell me his innermost thoughts. This is also my parenting philosophy all along. I hope that when my children grow up, they can still treat their parents as friends. There are scenes reproduced in the book, which are almost the scenes in my life when I get along with my children. When I read it, I felt empathetic and had a strong sense of immersion. There are also speech tips to teach you how to talk to your children in such a scenario. There are wrong opinions and there are correct opinions. It can be said that parents are taught step by step how to \”communicate effectively\” with their children. In the past, you may have said a lot of \”nonsense\”, but the child could not listen to a word of it. You may also have used violent language because of inappropriate speech, which made the child hate you. But as long as you have this book, read it, and follow it, every word you say will reach your child\’s heart. A kind word can warm the winter. Maybe you understand this truth, but you can\’t always control your emotions and words. You can try starting today and make a plan to yell at least a few times a day and say less hurtful words. Then slowly learn how to communicate with children, how to use positive language, and raise excellent children!