The best solution for children suffering from verbal violence

Last Friday I had a little free time, so I decided to pick up my daughter from school. She has been riding the school bus for the past few years, and our chances of picking her up are few and far between. From a distance, I saw her walking out chatting with three or five other girls. After third grade, it is more obvious than before that the children start to clique a little bit. After leaving school, before parting, a girl took out a pack of snacks from her schoolbag and gave one to everyone around her, except the girl closest to her. The child smiled and asked, \”Can you give me one too?\” The child who brought snacks said, \”Don\’t you know how to buy it yourself? Why are you so greedy? Why are you embarrassed to open your mouth and let others ask for it?\” The child who asked for snacks lost his visible smile, lowered his head, and kicked the stones at his feet. My joy in picking up my baby from school completely disappeared at that moment. In the book \”Girls\’ Underground War\”, many horrific scenes suddenly pop up. Girls\’ war may not be as explicit as boys\’, but it is terrifying if you think about it carefully. The more secretive it is and the more it seems to be a trivial matter, the more lethal it is. It is like boiling a frog in warm water. The child does not even know that he has been \”violated\”. To be honest, I value my daughter’s social health more than her grades. There is a kind of hidden violence in society, which is not as obvious as bullying, and not as cruel and bloody as physical violence. But it can also \”kill\” people invisible. It’s the “verbal violence” used by the child when sharing snacks. Are you saying that the child who was not given snacks was really greedy for that snack? What she asked for was actually a kind of group recognition. You gave it to everyone, so why did you avoid me? As a result, not only was she not recognized, she was also humiliated and ridiculed mercilessly. Essentials for Family Education: How to Encourage Children\’s Progress and Self-Confidence – 70 episodes What\’s even more frightening is that many children, teachers, and parents don\’t realize that language is also a kind of violence. Make children aware of verbal violence. Many children are not aware of the harm their own words can bring to others. Even the party being bullied may not know that they are experiencing \”violence.\” So I told my daughter: \”Would it hurt if someone punched you?\” \”Of course it hurts. I\’m not an Iron Man.\” \”Look, if someone says something bad to you, it\’s like they\’re hurting you. A punch in the heart. Although there is no injury on the surface, you will feel uncomfortable and sad in your heart. Right?\” \”This is also a kind of \’violent\’ behavior, including but not limited to \”personally attacking you\”, \”talking about you\” \”Talk bad words\”, \”Give humiliating nicknames\”, \”Incite others to isolate you.\” \”Compared with real violence such as punching and kicking, \”soft violence\” such as verbal violence is often more invisible. If we don\’t pay attention to it and always deal with it in passing, the children who are being violated may never grow up. If she thinks that others are hurting her, how can she fight back and reconcile herself? He may even become a victim, be bullied and isolated, and live with a shadow forever. And children who are violent to others will have no psychological burden, and may even become helpless Responsible \”keyboard warrior\”. The child is still young and may have little understanding of the power of language. He may become an \”attacker\” or a \”victim\”. Think about the hot news some time agoSearch, first a red-haired girl died due to online violence, and then a female middle school student was trolled for her expression during her 100-day swearing-in speech. We have seen enough of the power of verbal violence. Therefore, as parents, we really need to predict the risks in advance and help our children avoid this \”pit\”. How to deal with other people\’s verbal violence? 1. Don’t ignore the results of a survey that show that when faced with verbal violence, most victims of violence choose to remain silent. I have seen some parents, when dealing with such matters, always advise their children to be \”generous\” and let them not care. \”It\’s just a nickname, why do you care so much?\” \”I just said a few words to you. I have already apologized to you. Just say \’it\’s okay\’.\” As for the \”thing about asking for snacks\” at the beginning, I have to go home and follow My parents said that my parents would definitely answer, \”What do they have to eat? Why do they have to get food from others? Mom will buy you a basket right now!\” Is this the point? ? ? I saw a report a few days ago that 35.3% (13,889) students in South Korea reported to the outside world that they had been subjected to verbal violence, but the problem \”has not been resolved.\” It is precisely because of the indifference of teachers and parents that children feel more and more that it is too \”careful\” and \”looking for trouble\” to \”complain\” to parents and teachers just because of a few words? It may even lead to the child\’s mentality: It\’s okay if I\’m attacked, it\’s okay if I feel sad, my feelings are not important. Therefore, parents must first change their mindset. It doesn\’t have to turn into a so-called \”bloody incident\” to be called violence. 2. Don’t argue. Many children tend to fall into a misunderstanding, trying to convince the other person through justification, to prove that I am not what you say: You say I am ugly, I am not ugly, I look good! You say I\’m fat, then I\’ll lose weight and show you! You said my eyes are small, let me get double eyelids! Don\’t be stupid, when a person chooses to attack you, all he wants is the pleasure of attack and the fun of watching you struggle. He doesn\’t care about the truth! Therefore, if the other party\’s original intention is to attack, then never explain or let the other party lead you. After you explain one thing, he will attack you ten more times! 3. Don’t acquiesce. Many people think that children are just addicted to talking, and that’s not a big deal. \”What do you care about what others say? Just be yourself and don\’t waste your energy with people who are not worthy.\” After all, if the child believes this sentence, he will fall into a deep pit and be unable to climb out. Because she will soon discover that her forbearance and concession must be rewarded with more and more gains. If you endure it once, there will be a next time. In the end, the whole class will come to pinch you as a soft persimmon. Don\’t underestimate the evil of children. Schools are just like small gangs, and the members of these gangs are still very \”elementary\” and have not learned the rationality and restraint of adults. They only follow the most basic law of the jungle – the jungle of the jungle. A few days ago, I read the picture book of the same name to my daughter, the BBC documentary \”Dynasty\”. Inside, a pack of African wild dogs hunts monkeys. Will wild dogs let a monkey go because it\’s weak? That’s what you eat! The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! So, I would tell my children, if you feelWhen someone uses verbal violence against you and makes you feel uncomfortable, the first time it happens, you have to fight back! Let the other person know from the beginning that you are not to be trifled with. But counterattacking also requires a little skill. I have summarized two things that everyone can learn from. 1. Bravely “respond” to the primary version: send it back intact. You are ugly! You are ugly! you are stupid! You are stupid! Advanced version: Fight back. I think you are so ugly. Then you may be really blind. Why can\’t you take a joke? ah? I thought you could understand my joke! Advanced version: Counterattack. Who has no shortcomings? The best defense is offense! She talks about your shortcomings. You can always output her shortcomings. Focus on \”we\”. We all think you… everyone thinks you… It doesn\’t matter who we are. What\’s important is to create a kind of person behind you. The momentum of a group of people! The point of teaching children to fight back is not necessarily to win, it doesn\’t even matter if they lose in an argument. The point is to let the other person know that you are not a soft persimmon, a bit difficult to deal with, and a bit difficult to deal with. In this way, no matter how powerful the \”talker\” is, he will not dare to target you in the future. 2. Let your children learn a little \”foolish learning.\” The previous point is to face the challenge head-on. Some children are not so aggressive, or don\’t bother to waste such energy, and they can save the country through curves. If you encounter someone who enjoys hurting others with words, the more seriously you take them, the more excited they will be. If you take them seriously, you will lose. Therefore, we must first let the children learn to be calm, and it is good to learn to deal with them by fooling them. \”I don\’t like you\”, \”Really\”? \”You\’re so ugly\”, \”Really\”? \”You are stingy,\” \”Then you can\’t take advantage of me.\” A more popular understanding is \”none of your business\” and \”none of my business\”. We just don\’t care! A psychologist who studies verbal violence once said: \”The angrier you are, the more interesting the other person finds it.\” So the way to win is not to become frustrated, and then the bully loses. (It is recommended to practice the above two methods at home in advance to ensure that children can escape from verbal violence as soon as they encounter it) How not to be violent to others The above is a victim mentality, and we cannot let children unintentionally become perpetrators! Learning to express correctly is the second key point I want to talk about today. Even if you don\’t like some of the other person\’s behaviors, we shouldn\’t use aggressive, bullying, or disrespectful language to express them. The famous psychologist Marshall Luxemburg proposed a concept of \”nonviolent communication\”: changing the way you talk and listen, and no longer say whatever comes to mind. This means that before we say a word, we must be clear whether it is an observed fact or an evaluation based on our own subjective emotions. Based on this point of view, I gave an example to my daughter, if you just cleaned up your desk and your sister messed up the things on your desk, you were annoyed, right? What should you tell her? A: \”You\’re so annoying, you messed up the table again.\” (This is a personal opinion) B: \”You messed up the table, you can clean it up later.\” (This is an observation. Fact) \”Then I think you should choose B.\” The daughter said. In fact, when you put two completely different answers in front of your child, she will be able to clearly distinguish the pros and cons. Which kind canWhich one can hurt others and cause more conflicts; which one can solve the problem better. Because I don’t want any of my two children to be harmed, so I often deliberately guide my children to do this kind of “choice exercise.” If you feel that your child cannot express \”without personal emotions\” all at once, why not try to provide multiple-choice questions like me first. \”Choose to speak well\” is also the beginning of \”learning to speak well\”.