Mom’s excessive sacrifices and complaints are a disaster for a family

A friend next to me likes to dance very much. For this reason, she specially signed up for a class. But she met with opposition from her husband and children. My husband thinks it’s a bit outrageous that all his friends are mothers of children and they are no longer young, so they still do some break dancing. As for the child, it was because one time his mother went to a dance class and was very angry because she couldn\’t give him the stationery he needed. A friend asked me if she should stop dancing. I say look at yourself, if you really like it, then stick to it, it doesn\’t matter what others say. Many women have their own preferences before becoming mothers. There are idol dramas that I like to watch, entertainment news that I like to gossip about, comics that I like to read, and even some little hobbies. Some are \”cup addicts\” and some are \”shoe addicts\”. However, after becoming a mother, these are all gone. Yes, they have become \”child-controllers\”. In life, besides children, there are housework. For working mothers, in addition to work, they also have housework and children. The word \”self\” seems to be becoming more and more unfamiliar. Not long ago, in the variety show \”Escape for Two Days So So What\”, Zhang Xinyi confessed that she had changed a lot after having a child. Many of the things I once wanted to do and often did are now impossible to do. Becoming a mother is a watershed moment for a woman. Before, I read a joke on the Internet: If a female friend no longer contacts you, there are only two possibilities: one is that she died, and the other is that she became a mother. Becoming a mother will change a woman completely. Her life used to be about going to work, shopping, watching movies, and going out to restaurants. But after having children, the life of a working mother consists of work and children. Even after the children go to bed, she has to deal with unfinished work at work. And a stay-at-home mother is as busy as a top. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! As Fu Seoul said: \”Although the child can\’t do anything, he can make you unable to do anything.\” When the child is awake, the mother needs to be with her at all times to ensure the child\’s safety and establish their sense of security. After the children have gone to bed and stretched themselves out, they have to continue to clean up the housework. There are endless clothes to wash, endless dishes to clean, and the children\’s toys that need to be disinfected regularly. When the seasons change, they need to be rummaged through the boxes and cabinets. Don\’t underestimate housework. This or that part consumes a lot of energy. Moreover, children are very destructive. After you have tidied up the living room, they may give you cholera again within ten minutes. After getting married and having children, a woman\’s life is either her husband or her children, but she often forgets about herself. The day-to-day chores weighed on her mother like a heavy burden. She tried hard to hold on. Although she didn\’t complain on her lips, she was accumulating more and more disappointment in her heart. I have a friend who is absolutely a good wife and mother. Every morning, she gets up on time at 5:30 to make breakfast for the family and wakes up the children. In order to let her husband sleep a little longer, she rides her children to school. In order for her children to eat well, she is the only parent in the class who takes her children home for lunch. The house is always spotless and the clothes are washed cleanly. Sometimes she hugsI complained about my back pain. I said it several times, but my husband and children didn’t seem to hear me. I said because they are used to your strength and become their support. If you feel uncomfortable, you can take a break. If you don\’t mop the floor for a day, the floor will not be so dirty that you can\’t walk on it. If the child eats at school, she may eat more when living in a group. She has to work hard to pick her up and drop off like this, but she is still angry when the child doesn\’t eat well. A family does not need a mother who sacrifices herself excessively. Teacher Yin Jianli said: \”When an individual has a sense of contribution, he will want to get attention, praise, and gratitude from others, especially if he wants others to show a sense of guilt. He will form an emotion-driven thinking mode: \’I worked hard, so I am right.\’ , when someone expresses disagreement with the person for whom they have paid, it is difficult to respond with a rational and tolerant attitude, and they lack the empathy to put themselves in someone else\’s shoes. What is intriguing is the various psychology that comes with the \’sense of giving\’ It is difficult for the parties to express their needs directly, and they may not even realize it, so they are used to releasing them in destructive ways such as complaining, blaming, getting angry, etc. The party who receives such signals will have a sense of \’grievance\’ and feel No matter how hard you try and how you accommodate the other person, you still can\’t get the other person\’s satisfaction. In a relationship with a sense of dedication and grievance, frequent conflicts and quarrels are inevitable. Many times it has nothing to do with right or wrong, but only emotions. .\” A mother who works too hard and cannot vent her emotions may spread her hard work and unhappiness to her children. The American Journal of Family Psychology recently published a new study, which found that there is an important connection between the mother\’s physiological stress and the child\’s physiological stress. Even if a mother feels she has hidden her stress and negative emotions from her child, the child can still feel it. It seems that there is such a special emotional bond between mother and child. Nowadays, there are more and more single mothers. They are excellent and motivated, and they bear all the responsibilities of taking care of their children. For the sake of their children, they choose not to get married, and they even put aside their own emotional needs. But excessive sacrifice can also bring about a negative psychological effect, which is to make people \”lose their happiness.\” The emotion of \”happiness\” itself requires energy. A person who has exhausted his inner strength to give to his children has actually lost the power of \”happiness\”. A mother who knows how to love herself is happy, and only a happy mother has the energy to love her children. It is said that the mother determines the temperature of a family, because children have a very strong sense of their mother\’s emotions. A professor of psychology at the University of Manchester conducted a very famous experiment – the still face experiment. At the beginning of the experiment, the mother looked at the child expressionlessly. The child noticed it and began to try to attract the mother\’s attention. He kept trying to interact with the mother, but the mother remained indifferent. In the end, the child collapsed and cried. We always think that children are young and try to suppress our emotions and try to hide our collapse. In fact, children see everything. What children need is a happy mother, not a mother who gives and complains at the same time. Recently, a parent in my daughter’s class brought meals to their children. This went back and forth.Running around delivering meals is also to improve the lives of children. My daughter asked me if she needs to deliver food, can I deliver it? I said, I don\’t want to, because you can also eat well at school, why should I bother myself, make myself so hard, and feel in a mess? I would rather sit on the balcony, serve the flowers and plants, and read a book. The daughter smiled and said, \”This is the right thing. I don\’t want you to hang around me, because if you are happy, I am happy too.\” Ms. Hong Lan, a doctor of psychology, said: \”From the perspective of human evolution, the mother is the soul of the family. If the mother is happy, the whole family is happy, and if the mother is anxious, the whole family is anxious.\” As mothers, we don\’t have to be overly demanding that we are perfect mothers, because in addition to being Mom, you should still have yourself. Learning to love yourself also sets a good example for your children, allowing them to see themselves, value themselves, and please themselves instead of others.