Are children easily bullied? Self-defense prevents children from becoming \”soft persimmons\” in the future

The plot of \”School Bullying in Secondary 2\” is changing day by day. It is impossible to judge right from wrong. Chang\’s father has no intention of following the drama. How will the truth be verified by time? I think, from our perspective, I just want to ask the most practical question: \”How to prevent children from becoming easily bullied in the future?\” Why is your child easily bullied? I have been thinking for a long time whether to start like this. After all, it seems a bit sharp and mean to write such words right from the beginning. So many parents of “victims” avoid this issue. When I learned that my child was being bullied, I first blamed the teacher for his poor management and lack of education. The child was timid and cowardly, but he never thought about whether it had anything to do with him. Most studies have pointed out that children who are easily bullied often have one thing in common: low self-esteem and are considered \”soft\” in the eyes of their classmates. When you are bullied, you are unwilling to ask for help, and you are unwilling to share it with others afterwards. [Many people will jump up when they see this. If your child is being bullied, you don’t scold the other person. Instead, they say, “Why do people bully you instead of bullying others?” What’s their motive? I would like to expressly declare that some bullies do They randomly find people to bully, but most of them come to bully targets with the mentality of \”looking for someone to bully\”; today we will only discuss the latter situation, and from the perspective of \”how to avoid it\” This discussion is definitely not about blaming the victim, so please don’t make false claims. 】So how are such children “raised”? See if you are familiar with this scene: Out of full love for your child and as much protection as possible, since kindergarten, you help him snatch back a toy car today, and block a physical conflict from his peers tomorrow. The day after tomorrow, I rush to the other parent\’s parents to settle accounts. You are the big tree that protects everything. How do you think the child will learn how to handle it on his own? Does he even have the confidence to solve the problem on his own? At the same time, you were quite dissatisfied and took the initiative to help him clean up the \”mess\”, and kept scolding you: \”Why are you so stupid and too honest? If you don\’t bully others, who will you bully?\” After dinner, discuss with relatives and friends. When you get up, you can\’t help but label your children, \”Our children just stay in the house and don\’t dare to go out. What will we do in the future?\” These casual words are like a curse, easily helping the children to establish a clear and firm \” The self-perception of “I’m not good” and “I can’t handle problems independently”. For such a child, when he faces a threat, he will definitely give in before the other person takes action. Are you still teaching your children to “fight back”? What I want to say is that tearing is not something you want to tear, you can tear it apart if you want to. A word of advice: From the beginning of kindergarten, let children deal with problems by themselves as much as possible, including physical conflicts. A better way than \”beating back\” is to help children regain \”confidence.\” When it comes to being bullied, I believe many parents will be very confused whether to let their children \”beat back.\” But to be honest, I am absolutely skeptical about how much impact these three words themselves can have on a child\’s subsequent behavior. Why do you think that a child who already has very low self-esteem and does not think he has the ability to resolve peer conflicts will be able to \”do it\” after listening to you?What about \”fight back\”? What if he follows your advice and chooses to \”fight back\” next time, resulting in even greater violence? Wouldn\’t it be worse? At this time, help your child regain his strength. Gaining self-confidence is the most practical and effective way. Keep scolding the child for being stupid, or telling him \”Don\’t play with XXX in the future\” cannot really solve the problem. Telling him what to do if he encounters similar things again is the best way. Moreover, Don\’t wait until \”bullying\” is so serious before discussing it. Pay attention to the emotional and psychological growth of your child in time. When encountering a situation similar to a physical conflict, you can start like this: \”Mom understands that you must be very unhappy right now. You can talk to Mom, can you share what happened? \”Next, you can wait for the child\’s description. Then teach him to look at the problem from a different perspective, for example, \”When Xiao Ming grabbed the toys and hit you, did you tell him that you didn\’t like him doing this? Just like you said this to your mother today, your mother will know that you are sad. If you just pouted and didn\’t say it loudly, Xiao Ming would not be able to understand what you meant, and might snatch your toys next time. . Next time, you might try talking to him directly. \”If the child says that he has explained it to the other party but is still being robbed, you can continue to discuss it with him. \”Mom, I\’m glad you told Xiao Ming. If it happens again next time, what will you do? \”Give the children enough time to think, maybe they will give you a surprising answer. Even if they can\’t think of it, it doesn\’t matter. You can give some hints, \”Mom thinks Xiao Ming may like your toys very much. You might as well give Xiao Ming some suggestions. , and ask him to find you something he finds fun to trade with you for the toy; or find someone you both trust to time it, and let him play with it for a while before returning it to you. What you have to do is to discuss a solution, otherwise everyone will call back and forth without solving the problem. \”After discussing with the child, you need to let him practice it again to make sure that he really knows what to do if something similar happens again. Fundamentally giving the child a solution to the problem is better than simply telling him to \”fight back\” Much more, and children can accumulate experience through continuous experience and summary, and gain the confidence to \”handle independently\”. Once they have such ability, it is naturally difficult to become the target of bullying. \”Weak\” have social advantages, but They never know that \”the advantage of the weak\” is my own definition, because I find that most children with low self-esteem seriously underestimate their own image in the eyes of others. They always think that everyone hates their \”submissive\” appearance, No one wants to make friends with themselves. A study in the United States found that most children actually sympathize with those who are unwilling to speak and are more introverted, and are happy to make friends with them. The teacher\’s questionnaire also showed a \”Prejudice\” is \”weak bias\”. They are willing to give more resources and help to those children who are unwilling to speak and are not very gregarious, to help them integrate into the circle of friends instead of being isolated. So you can tell the person who is being \”bullied\” The child is actually not helpless. There are many people who are willing to make friends with him, but he doesn’t know it.. And help him find his first friend, and then constantly encourage him to form his own circle of friends. After reading the article that went viral in the circle of friends, my biggest worry is that the pressure of public opinion has created an indelible line of mutual distrust between this bruised child and his companions. gap, which will affect his normal interactions with his peers in the future. When the external environment is not friendly to the \”victims\”, it is even more important to teach children about school violence. School violence is a particularly troublesome problem around the world, because everyone has found that it is difficult for external intervention to change the \”violent\” behavior of some children. The United States advocates \”zero tolerance for school violence.\” Once a violation is discovered, parents, teachers, and school district leaders will be called to a meeting to formulate a treatment plan. My point of view is that everyone should not just focus on the \”perpetrator\”, because this factor is uncontrollable or difficult to change. More attention should be paid to teaching children how to self-defense school violence. How to do it? I referred to many American education forums and summarized 4 useful solutions for everyone: 1. Trust your intuition and take the best policy. China and the United States have a big difference in the education of children\’s \”right to life\”. Americans Always put your own life first. For example, in fire education, they will tell their children that if a fire breaks out, they should push their parents first. If they do not wake up, they must escape immediately and then ask for help from others. Make sure your own life comes first. You can feel most of the bullying in school, for example if you find a group of people standing together smoking, or some very strange vehicles appearing in groups on the street. You need to tell your children that if they think the current environment is unsafe, they must choose to avoid it instead of taking chances or even joining in the fun to ensure their own safety. 2. Activities in \”groups\” as much as possible Research shows that perpetrators prefer to find people who travel alone as targets of violence, so even having only one companion can greatly reduce the probability of you becoming a victim. 3. Help children train to \”scream loudly\”. Generally, perpetrators of school violence still have worries and are afraid of being discovered, so they like to be \”soft persimmons\”. You need to tell your children at ordinary times that if they encounter a dangerous situation, escape is the first choice, and never give up looking for opportunities to escape. If there is really no way to escape, then you must speak \”loudly\” and shout as much as possible to attract the attention of people around you. Move to a crowded place or the teacher\’s office, and call the teacher and principal by their names to intimidate them. other side. 4. Learn basic self-defense skills. Although I strongly discourage children from using violence, children still need to know a few extraordinary methods in emergency situations. For example, you should constantly look for throwing objects on the ground around you, such as stones and bricks. Throwing throwing objects at the perpetrator can buy you time to evacuate. If the other person is already \”close\”, see if there is an opportunity to force the abuser\’s fingers off. If your abuser is holding you from behind, try to break away with an elbow. When doing these self-defense actions, be sure not to forget to shout and scare your opponents, and to shout to the crowd.Place transfer. To sum up, school violence is a topic that everyone should pay attention to, but dealing with it after it happens is never as good as preventing it before it happens. As parents, we first need to pay attention not to rob children of the opportunity to solve problems independently in early interactions, and let them go as early as possible so that they can build the self-confidence to handle problems on their own from an early age; secondly, if your child is a \”weak\” then Don’t worry too much, tell him about the “weak advantage” he has, and that building a good circle of friends is the biggest weapon against all threats (most bullies will not choose someone with many friends to bully); in the end, I also gave We have provided 4 simple and direct methods that can be practiced at home in advance to teach children how to defend themselves when faced with threats. I hope today’s article can attract your attention and share it with every family with children. To put an end to school violence, we need to start with us parents ourselves.