Be careful, what hurts your children more than divorce is it

We all know that divorce can cause serious harm and even shadows to children. However, there is one behavior more lethal than divorce – cold violence between husband and wife! Let’s look at these examples first. 1. I would rather my parents have a big fight than be so cold and frosty. A few days ago, my best friend suddenly asked me: Girl, is it convenient to move to your house for a few days? I smiled and said: Convenience, the door is always open to you! But you are not at home, what will your husband and children do? As soon as he agreed, he heard someone ringing the doorbell, and his best friend came listlessly dragging a suitcase. I hurriedly asked what was going on, and my best friend said that she and her husband have been violent recently, and the air in the house was almost freezing, so she came to take a breather. After my best friend came in, I started to do some ideological work and told her an absolutely true and extremely educational story – before, my neighbor Sister Wang and her husband were violent and often ignored each other, didn\’t care, and didn\’t talk to each other. This \”Three No\’s Doctrine\” made their son Lei miserable. Every time his parents were violent, Lei would come to my house to \”take shelter\” from the limelight. He would also say from time to time that he was envious of me having someone to talk and laugh with. s home. I remember that when Lei talked about his parents at my house, his eyes flashed with hatred. He said: \”I would rather my parents have a big fight, but don\’t do this! I think cold violence is just a biting cold wind, which makes people feel chilly.\” It is too difficult for Lei to survive in the cracks of his parents\’ cold violence. Depressed. I think this is the reason why Lei was rarely seen smiling back then. His parents\’ frequent cold violence made him unable to feel the warmth of the family. After growing up, Lei escaped from the cold and violent family by traveling far away, and rarely contacted his family… After listening to Lei\’s story, his best friend seemed a little bit My son was touched and she said that she began to feel sorry for her child. So that night, I took my best friend to a friend’s private clinic and lied to her husband and said: Your woman is sick… After a while, his husband rushed to the hospital in a hurry. Came over… After meeting, the two reconciled. 2. The longer the couple engages in cold violence, the more deeply the children will be hurt. My friend Li still can’t forget the scene where his parents often violently abused each other: Under the same roof, parents each stayed in a room to play by themselves. Li didn\’t know what happened between them, but that gloomy and dull feeling engulfed him every minute. It’s very painful to think about it now. According to Li, at a young age he didn\’t know what to do to ease the relationship between his parents. So he studied hard to get high scores and even won scholarships many times. Even so, when Li ran excitedly to his parents, shouting: Mom and dad, look, I won first place, I got a scholarship! However, what he heard was: I don\’t have any discernment, I understand, don\’t bother me! It is easy for parents to blow the wind of cold violence onto their children! He often doesn\’t get positive responses from his parents and doesn\’t feel his parents\’ love. The child feels extremely frustrated. He always feels that he is an unwelcome person and he doesn\’t dare to interact with others at school. 3. Long-term cold violence is doomed to lose everything, and you are more likely to lose your child\’s beautiful life. Cold violence is a kind of negative emotional energy and is extremely contagious. When parents are violent, their cold faces will make children feel fearful and insecure, and they may even easily blame themselves for their parents\’ cold violence., mistakenly thinking that it is because they did not do well or did not work hard enough that their parents are unhappy. Children want too much to be the go-between for their parents to repair their emotions, and often take the initiative to take on many mediation tasks. If they still don\’t get their parents\’ approval and understanding, they will deeply blame themselves for not helping their parents. Even if the two parties involved in the cold violence do not point the finger at the children, many times one or both parties complain to their children in tandem, blaming and complaining about how badly the other party behaved. The child didn\’t know which side to stand on to \”maintain justice\” and felt very painful. To put it bluntly, why is there such cold violence between husband and wife? It\’s not because one of them is unwilling to bow to the other party and admit his mistake, or give in a little! If the culprit is not brave enough to admit his mistake, and the blaming party is indifferent and silent, the child will mistakenly think that the best way to deal with the mistake is two words: silence. In a word, long-term cold violence by parents will not only lose family harmony, but may also mark many character flaws in the children and lose a beautiful life! Long-term cold violence is more likely to raise an insecure child; a taciturn child; a child who blames herself too much; a child with extreme thoughts; a child who lacks courage… 4. Say goodbye to cold violence, what should couples do? Do 1. Abandon the misconception of winning or losing between husband and wife. If there is a cold war between husband and wife, it means that negative emotions have accumulated in each other\’s hearts, and they both feel that the other party is at fault or in the wrong, and they hope that the other party will take the initiative to admit their mistakes. In fact, whoever takes the initiative to admit weakness or mistake does not mean that he loses or loses face. On the contrary, a proactive stance is the beginning of rational communication and moves in a direction that is conducive to solving problems. As the saying goes: Take a step forward to calm the sea, and take a step back to open up the world. As a man, you should be more generous and tolerant, and take the initiative to show your kindness. The attitude of husband and wife to take the initiative to take responsibility and admit their mistakes is also a kind of precept and deed to the children, and will also affect the children\’s mentality in dealing with interpersonal relationships. 2. Daily diet and daily life and other matters will continue as usual. Every time Ms. Cui had a cold war with her husband, her attitude was very resolute and she ignored all family matters, hoping to make her husband feel her indispensability. Ms. Cui was originally very confident in the \”let go\” strategy she came up with. She always felt that when she got home with no food to eat, no clean clothes to change, and no one to care about her, she could just let her husband come over and please her. Unexpectedly, her husband didn\’t do this either. He simply ate and drank outside, bought new clothes and went home, looking like he was going to fight his wife to the end. In fact, it is not advisable to go on a complete strike as soon as the Cold War begins. This will make the other party feel that you are demonstrating and provoking without any intention of reconciliation. In this case, the other party will give up the idea of ​​reconciling with you. No matter how cold war is, daily life must continue. Maybe a certain detail in food and daily life can warm the other person\’s heart in an instant, and the cold war can be brought to an end! Seeing parents calmly handle conflicts with each other, children will also become more rational. For example, if you have a conflict with a classmate, you will not give up your daily study because you are in a bad mood. 3. Running away from home is a bad idea, it is okay for a while, but it will hurt you if it takes too long. During the Cold War, many women felt nervousIf I can\’t stand it, it\’s like escaping. For example, my best friend will pack her things and come to my house, hoping to change her mood and block out that indifferent face. In this regard, emotional experts suggest that it is OK to say goodbye to the depressing Cold War scene temporarily, but before leaving, you must inform the other party through a message or text message; secondly, in the case of the Cold War, it is best not to leave home for too long, so as not to aggravate both parties. Emotional cooling. No matter who leaves home, the party left behind will be a little disappointed. As long as you are still in this home, it means that there is still love and warmth in your heart, and you can resolve conflicts in a more timely manner and say goodbye to the cold war. Leaving after a disagreement is a wrong example for children. The truly reasonable way is not to escape, but to face the problem head-on and seek solutions. 3. Body language is a good emotional lubricant. My husband and I are very much in love, and we have had two or three cold wars in the four or five years we have been married. However, our cold wars were very short-lived and could usually be resolved on the same day, and the longest one did not last more than three days. Our magic weapon to quickly end the Cold War is: body language. During the Cold War, one of us will always take the initiative to embrace each other. When the other party hugs us tightly, a lot of dissatisfaction and grievances can be slowly resolved; if the other party sincerely apologizes, admits his mistake and says How to correct it in the future, etc., the knot in my heart has been completely opened. In fact, in addition to taking the initiative to throw himself into my arms, my husband also has a special skill: during the cold war, he will be extremely attentive and take over all the housework, making himself panting and sweating. Looking at his bearish look, my cold heart immediately warmed up. If you are a male and happen to be suffering from the cold war, why not try this trick! Doing housework doesn\’t consume much energy and isn\’t exhausting, but it can save your wife\’s cold heart with your sincerity. Parents who know how to use body language to ease their relationship must also have good emotional intelligence. Children will be deeply impressed by the way you handle problems with high emotional intelligence. 4. Honor both parents or elders. During the Cold War, some couples are not very rational and may even spread their Cold War emotions to each other\’s parents or elders. When my colleague Song was having a cold war with his wife, he always did inappropriate things. Song grew up in a wealthy family in Shanghai and met Zhen Aimin when he was in college. Min came to the big city from a small town in Yunnan through arduous personal struggle. After getting married, Song helped Min with all matters in his hometown. He felt that as long as his wife was happy, everything he did was worth it. However, that was not the case during the Cold War. Once, Song and his wife were having a cold war, and Min\’s parents were about to come to Shanghai for a physical check-up. Because Song had hatred for his wife, he changed his previous enthusiasm and filial piety and didn\’t even bother to drive to pick up his father-in-law and mother-in-law. One sentence: You are already married and have a career, and your family of origin requires you to contribute to all things. Isn\’t this the real version of Fan Shengmei? In one sentence, the couple had a cold war for a whole month! In fact, during the Cold War, you should \”love your family as much as your family\”. If you can be more attentive and filial to the other party\’s parents or elders, I believe that the other party in the Cold War will be moved by your actions and make peace. The husband and wife adopted roundabout tactics to resolve the cold war, and the results were quite good. This will also let the children learnThere will be another way to resolve the conflict. The most terrifying thing between husband and wife is cold violence. For the sake of their children, smart couples should quickly put down their weapons of cold violence! If you learn to use sincere tips to resolve conflicts between each other, your child will most likely grow into a person who is flexible in dealing with things and knows how to cherish and protect love!