Can parents only rely on money to inspire their children? There are other ways that are more effective than money

My friend\’s daughter Pianpian is the same age as her son, and the two children often inquire about each other\’s private money. Pianpian said that her mother has set up a scholarship for her. If her test score is above 98 points, she will be awarded 200 yuan for each subject. When my husband heard about it, he thought it was a great plan and very inspiring. He wanted to start implementing it in my home right away. On the sidelines, what flashed through my mind was this classic story: an old man who likes quietness, a group of children came to the door and made a lot of noise. The old man drove the children away angrily, but the children became more and more noisy. So the old man thought of a way. He called the children over, gave each of them 10 dollars, and told them: \”Thank you for making my place so lively. If you come every day, I will pay you 10 dollars.\” The children were very happy. What a great thing it is to have fun and make money at the same time. So, the children came to play in front of the old man\’s house every day. A week later, the old man said to the children: \”I have been financially tight recently, so I can only give you $5, but I still ask you to come every day.\” The children were unhappy when they heard this, but they still reluctantly agreed to come every day. Play here. Another week passed, and the old man said to the children: \”I have no money now, and I can\’t give you a penny.\” When the children heard this, they immediately left and never came to the old man\’s place to play again. From then on, the old tranquility returned to the old man\’s door. Many business managers and educators use this story to illustrate how human beings\’ spiritual and material needs are transformed. What was originally the internal motivation of \”playing for yourself\” turned into the external attraction of \”playing for money\” after some guidance. When the rewards of money gradually decrease, children forget that their original pursuit has nothing to do with money. As an HR person, I once transplanted the reward and punishment system established in the company to my son. I designed a list of smiling and crying faces. If the son behaves well, he will be given a smiling face; if he is naughty and does bad things, he will be given a crying face; and then corresponding rewards or punishments will be given according to the number of smiling faces and crying faces. However, after implementing it for more than half a year, I don’t feel that my child has embarked on a bright road. On the contrary, he often chases after me and asks, \”Can I get a smile from this?\”, \”How many smiles have I saved? What toys can I redeem?\” \”It\’s really tiring for an old mother like me. In real life, many parents may not do it intentionally, but they are indeed making \”transactions\” with their children in the form of \”rewards\”. Just like my husband said to his son last week: \”If you pass the exam this time, I will take you to see a movie.\” These common phrases used by parents are actually facilitating an invisible transaction. \”I eat well, sleep well, perform well in school, and have top grades, all to satisfy my parents. All of these should be rewarded.\” Such temptations and calculations surround us. No wonder that as adults, we often lament that we are heartless. I can\’t see clearly what I really want, and what is worth risking my life for? How can a person without the support of a strong inner belief face the majestic mountains and rivers of tomorrow through all the hardships and obstacles? Harvard economist Roland FrProfessor Yer once raised US$6.3 million as bonuses to be awarded to 18,000 primary and secondary school students, just to prove a question: Can money buy students\’ learning behavior and good grades? The experiment was carried out in Dallas, Washington, Chicago and New York in the United States, and the participating children were all students who usually lack motivation to learn. The inspection indicators and methods of each city are also different. In Dallas, students can get bonuses for reading more and completing reading comprehension tests. In Washington, the requirement is to come to school every day, read carefully and do homework well. In Chicago, usual homework and test scores are measured. In New York, it\’s all about test scores. How effective are monetary incentives? Students in Dallas read actively and improved their reading scores; students in Washington also saw improvements in attendance and reading proficiency. But when it comes to exams, whether small or big, nothing much changes. The students in Chicago had mediocre scores, and the worst off was the students in New York, whose test scores were lower than those in the control group who did not receive bonuses! . A New York student who participated in the experiment said in an interview that of course he was willing to make more money, but he couldn\’t do the test questions and didn\’t know a better way to study. He had no choice but to give up! This “spreading money everywhere” study shows us that financial rewards can generate stimulation in some situations, but they are by no means a universal engine. When children feel that they can get something by jumping, then money can play a certain role, and children will be motivated to fight for it; but when they feel that they are unable to do so, no matter how much money they give, they can only achieve half the result with twice the result. The final conclusion of the \”big money experiment\” is: children are the masters of their own learning! They know what they can and cannot do, so they can control their engagement in learning! I am in favor of giving rewards to children. After all, children who have worked hard and achieved good results should be encouraged. Aren’t we working hard all our lives for a better life? However, how to give rewards, timing, method and extent need to be carefully considered. External drive can prompt children to do something, but children\’s behavior can easily change as these factors change. Excessive use of external substances to control children\’s behavior will change the child\’s motivation to do things, and it is easy for children to think that learning is just to get some kind of reward. But only the true yearning of the heart can be used with all one\’s strength. We might as well do this: use positive language to describe, describe and define the child\’s behavior, so that the child can have a positive judgment and positive understanding of himself. Give the initiative to children, let them learn how to arrange their own study and life, and take responsibility for themselves. Inner strength begins with independence. Give your children a chance to try and make mistakes. Each of us learns through mistakes. Finding the way forward through mistakes is a child\’s growth process. The sense of accomplishment gained from doing something well is the best reward. At this time, sincere praise and appreciation are more encouraging than money. Don’t make promises in advance, reward them afterwards. Don’t give rewards with an obvious purpose, not for good grades, but for happy celebration. For example, sincerely say to your child: \”This exam is better than last time. You must have studied your homework very hard. The improvement in your scores this time is a reward for your efforts. Then, he said casually: \”There is a mountain bike shop in front of you. Do you want to go in and take a look?\” \”It connects children\’s sense of achievement and pleasure in a silent way. As HR, I am responsible for organizing the company\’s annual commendation meeting. I have a deep feeling: Of course everyone likes bonuses, but even more so What people are proud of is the recognition given by a trophy, and spiritual encouragement is the most motivating thing. The most exciting and proud thing for my son is to win the first prize in the national composition competition. Although this award does not have any bonus, the thin He posted the certificate in the most eye-catching place in his home and showed it off to everyone he met. In addition to material needs, each of us, including children, also has many spiritual needs such as being respected, accepted, recognized, understood and loved by others. . Therefore, rewards are not just money and material. Wu Zhihong said: The most profound need in human nature is praise, especially praise from authority or important people. You might as well use appreciation, a sense of glory, a sense of accomplishment, and more Self-determination as a reward helps children build inner drive. Perhaps, children will also be more moved by such rewards.