Children are heroin, they are long football games, they are expensive commodities that cannot be returned

The vast majority of parents believe that raising children is one of the happiest things in life, but a Harvard University survey made a surprising discovery: people\’s subjective happiness actually drops rapidly after giving birth to children. Raising children may not actually bring you happiness, but may just make you \”feel\” that you are happier. When we think of children, we think of the most beautiful and adorable species in the world. The significance of children to our lives is truly unparalleled and wonderful. Many parents can\’t even imagine what life would be like if they didn\’t have children in this life. The joy that children bring to us seems self-evident. However, some psychologists use scientific and empirical methods to tell us: the happiness we get from our children is not what we imagine. These scientists tell us a conclusion that goes against common sense: raising children may not actually bring you happiness, but just make you \”feel\” that you are happier. The \”happiness\” brought by children may be just an illusion of our brains. Daniel Gilbert, author of the book \”Stumbling On Happiness\” and professor of psychology at Harvard University, conducted a study to investigate whether parents became happier after giving birth to children. His method was to give questionnaires to parents before and after giving birth to a baby, asking them to answer their psychological well-being index on that day, from one to ten. One is the least happy, and ten is the happiest. The sample survey was conducted from before giving birth to many years after raising children. The results of the questionnaire statistics surprised psychologists: people\’s subjective happiness actually dropped rapidly after giving birth to children. Then it continues to be at a low point, and it slowly returns to the original level until the child is 5-6 years old. But the question is, when you ask these parents, do you feel happy having children? They will always say that giving birth is the happiest thing they have ever experienced. This answer is obviously completely different from the results of the questionnaire survey. Why is this happening? Daniel Gilbert provides three possible reasons – how the brain works. The more you pay, the more you cherish it. Psychological research has found that the degree to which we cherish something is related to the price we spend for it. The greater the cost, the more people cherish and love this thing. You spent 6,000 yuan on a pair of wool socks, and there is no way to return them. You can only like them more and more. Spending a huge price but getting no benefits, wouldn’t you look like a fool? Your brain can never accept the fact that you are a fool, so it will develop a self-protection mechanism. It will tell you that there are many benefits to doing this. ‘In addition, when people make a choice that cannot be changed, their brains tell them that their previous choice was the right one. On the other hand, if you know that there is always room for choice, you will automatically doubt whether the previous choice was the best. Just like you buy an expensive item that cannot be returned, because it cannot be returned, the more you look at it, the better it feels. If you know that there is still a chance to return it, you will become more picky about it and always doubt whether you should exchange it. This is how our brains evolved. This mechanism plays a vital role in our psychological emotions.The important protective role is to allow us to recognize the unchangeable facts and accept the reality of what has happened, so as not to have a nervous breakdown in regret. When you have a baby, you buy that most expensive piece of clothing that you can never return. Heroin Effect The second reason why the only happiness becomes the greatest happiness, Daniel Gilbert calls it the heroin effect. Heroin causes a buildup of endorphins in our bodies, which of course makes people feel happy, extremely happy. But why can such a happy thing ruin people\’s lives? This is because this thing is so happy that you can no longer find happiness in anything else: you no longer visit relatives and friends, you no longer go to work, you no longer travel, you no longer go to sports, the only thing in your life is The best thing to do is to find a corner and get high immediately. When the happiest thing becomes the only happy thing, your life will be ruined. This is why although heroin is happy, the overall happiness value of drug addicts\’ lives is at the bottom. Childbirth is the same thing, you love your child so much and get happiness from it, you no longer have time to read books, go to the cinema, travel, date, chat with friends – you no longer have time to experience anything other than parenting. of happiness. In the end, the only happiness in your life naturally becomes the greatest happiness. This is why parents’ overall happiness in life decreases after having children, but they don’t realize it. Subjectively, they still \”feel\” that their children bring the greatest happiness. That\’s heroin, kid. The third reason why the climax and ending determine recall is the ball game effect. Daniel Gilbert tells us that our memory of an event is determined by its climax and ending. If the climax and ending are exciting and happy, then you will have good memories no matter how frustrating and boring they were before; conversely, bad memories, no matter how good they were before). The climax and ending determine most of our memories of an experience. For example, you go to a bar to drink, and you chat with your friends very happily for a few hours. Suddenly, your ex-girlfriend rushes into the bar, throws a glass of wine in your face, and makes you embarrassed in public. You I had no choice but to leave the bar in embarrassment. This embarrassing ending makes you feel \”terrible\” when you think back to that time you went to the bar. This ending makes you forget that you actually had a great time drinking in the bar most of the time. Let’s take another example: a football match is nothing to watch and extremely boring for most of the first 90 minutes; suddenly one second before the end, your favorite team scores a goal and ends the game victoriously. Then this unexpected surprise (climax) and final victory (ending) will dilute all your boring memories of the previous 89 minutes and 59 seconds. Looking back, you will think this was a \”wonderful\” game. The same goes for parenting. Most of the day, you are busy lecturing your children, anxiously helping with homework, and boringly preparing meals; but before going to bed, your child suddenly comes over and hugs you and says: \”Mom, you yesThe best mom in the world! \”In an instant, the tears turned into a downpour. The anxiety, anxiety, boredom and boredom that had spent most of the day disappeared in an instant. You will remember this \”incomparably beautiful\” day. Zoom in to This principle is still valid in the whole process of raising children. For most of the past ten years, you have been shitting and peeing, getting up early and working late at night, wandering around. After a long time, the child has grown up, and finally the day has come. The boy/girl left home to go to college. Before leaving, you sent him to the train station/airport. He waved goodbye to you and walked into the ticket gate; just when his back was about to disappear, suddenly , he paused for a few seconds, threw away the luggage, turned around and ran back to you, hugging you with the greatest strength in his life, tightly and refusing to let go, making your tears boil so unexpectedly. By this time, you had already Forget that he peed on your designer clothes when you were a child, scratched your computer screen with a key, and smashed the head of a neighbor\’s child in a fight so that you apologized and paid for medical bills…because the climax and ending made you forget 99 % unhappy. I can only say that raising children is a commodity that you can’t even find the invoice for. It’s expensive and cannot be returned. It’s better to calm down and enjoy it. Raising children is like a pack of heroin. Now that you are on If you are addicted, just go all-in and indulge in it. Raising children is a long game in which goals are scored at the last second. All the intrigues, overt and covert attacks, early morning greed and dark nights, and wanderings are all passed by the last sentence \”You are the best parents.\” Finally, the setting sun is silent.