Children who hit others are lonely

In the group of precious mothers, a mother said: \”My son likes to hit people very much recently, and I am really worried that he has violent tendencies.\” As soon as he finished speaking, someone in the group responded: My son also beats people. He celebrated his birthday two days ago and invited many people. I couldn\’t do anything all day long, so I kept an eye on him the whole time, just for fear that he would hit someone. As a result, I couldn\’t guard against it. The moment I turned around to greet the guests, he hit a little girl who had just learned to walk with a cake. I was so angry that I really wanted to beat him up! How to do it? So does my daughter! I had a great headache taking her to the play area because within two minutes, a child would be scratched by her Nine-Yin White Bone Claws. People go to the recreation area to play, but she seems to be going to practice martial arts! I am most afraid of guests at home. Guests like to ask questions about their children. My son stares at others and suddenly strikes with a Xuanming Divine Palm! The child\’s attack was careless and the guest was stunned. It was so embarrassing, even I thought he was uneducated. It seems that children hitting others is not an isolated case. But what\’s wrong with them? Why do they like to beat people? Analyzing the reasons why children love to hit others, there may be the following aspects: Children are in the sensitive period of hands and mouth. Generally speaking, when the child reaches 18-30 months, the first conflict with parents or the outside world will occur. Foreign countries call this period For \”terrible two\” (troublesome two years old). During this period, children learn to walk and speak. The world is no longer just a glimpse of the world, but everything under their feet, the feeling under their hands, and the people they see coming and going, and they experience everything one by one. thing. The world suddenly became richer. He was excited and curious. He would grab it with his hands, touch and feel it with his body, even bite it with his mouth, step on it with his feet, and repeat the same action over and over again. According to Montessori theory, children enter the sensitive period of mouth and hands during this period. In particular, the functional differentiation of the hand has developed rapidly, and the control ability from the wrist to the upper arm has rapidly increased. Children like this change and often take the initiative to use their little hands. But slowly, children will discover why the world does not work according to their wishes. This will confuse him. He is eager to communicate with the world and discover the code of the world\’s operation, but after all, what he can express is limited, and what he can do is even less. The bad thing is that although we adults have also come from the \”terrible two\”, our brains have already set up various logical rules in the process of growth. We forget the loneliness during that period, and we do not understand behaviors without logical rules. The child is rarely understood, he is increasingly sensitive, he has many emotions. Happiness, anger, sadness, sometimes cannot be expressed or even differentiated. He is confused. Body language is the most convenient and easiest to express, so behaviors such as hitting, biting, and throwing things appeared. The child feels anxious and needs more emotional interaction. The mother next door sent her child to kindergarten last year. For half a year, she received a call from the teacher almost every day: \”Your child is hitting someone again. Come and take a look.\” Every time she said Rush over. When I arrived at the kindergarten, the children were doing exercises outside. I saw my son standing alone next to the team, his little fists clenched tightly and his little face tensed up. The moment I saw you, suddenly released his little fist. First he smiled, then he grinned and cried. She immediately understood that her son had just left his mother and the familiar environment, feeling lonely, helpless, anxious and fearful. He didn\’t know what to do, so he raised his fists to protect himself. She reflected on herself that she spent too little time taking her children out to socialize, and was always worried about her children catching colds or getting hurt. She did effectively protect the child, but she also blocked the child\’s social interactions for no reason, so that the child could not learn to play well with other children. In fact, the reason why she loves her children so much is because of her compensatory psychology. Because when the child was one year old, she had to send him to her grandmother\’s house, and only took him back after half a year. During that six months, the child cried at his grandma\’s house, and she cried at her own house. According to Montessori theory, children go through a socially sensitive period between the ages of 0 and 6. Professor Fox, an academician of the National Academy of Sciences and director of the Department of Human Development and Quantitative Methods at the University of Maryland, conducted a 10-year study on the phenomenon of children\’s \”socially sensitive period\”. The results found that children who had a stable, secure relationship and effective emotional interaction before 24 months of age had particularly good social and cognitive abilities when they grew up. Reactive personality, impatient to express. A cartoonist once drew a series of cartoons in which his son Tietou Gong was rude to others. This is a boy with a bit of a short temper, and he hits people faster and more often than he speaks. He had no warning and almost no reason before Ironhead succeeded. He was not angry at his mother. Many times he was happily chatting with her when an iron head suddenly came up and knocked her backward, while he danced with joy. The same is true for children. No matter how good a partner he was playing with, he would always hit him with his hands raised. He may still be smiling playfully before hitting someone, but he may not take it seriously after the beating, as if it didn\’t happen, and just play and have fun. If a child cries and leaves, he will feel sad and clamor for others to stay and play with him. Such behavior is commonly known as \”cheap move\” or \”hand debt\” and is considered hopeless. . Such children have a reactive temperament and an irritable temper. Their original intention of hitting others may just be to attract attention or to express their emotions. It may be because you are happy, or you may want to tell the other person, \”Listen to me, I am right.\” However, they have not learned civilized communication methods, especially they do not have the patience to express themselves smoothly. Who makes \”hitting\” easier to learn than \”talking\”~ When a child hits someone, we may think: \”It is better for your child to hit someone than to be hit.\” However, sooner or later, the punches must be repaid. Those who come back will always get beaten after being beaten. Fists are never a good way to communicate, and you can\’t be careless just because your child didn\’t suffer for a while. When a child hits someone, it is just a test at first. Once we regard it as a child\’s trick and do not respond correctly, the child will form a habit. If you get used to the behavior of hitting others, it will be difficult to correct it, and it will even be difficult to have normal social communication. \”When a child hits someone, he deserves to be beaten. You have to let him know the pain before he will change.\” So if the child hits someone, you beat the child – use \”beating the child\” to stop \”the child hitting someone.\”,Inconclusive. Since children are not allowed to hit others, we cannot hit our children either. The best way to let a child know pain is to help him develop empathy. The method used by the cartoonist mother earlier was: after being slapped by her son, she would scream and \”cry\” in pain. My son and his mother are the most considerate people. It was very sad to see his mother in so much pain, and he gradually learned to control himself. \”Children hit someone because they were offended. Of course they have reason to hit them back.\” Both \”Qi Pa Shuo\” and \”Venus Show\” have discussed that hitting back is to protect one\’s rights and ensure that they will not be bullied in the future. The problem is that when children are growing up, their thinking consciousness is still being established. Adults\’ advice to \”fight back\” can easily make children realize that conflict is inevitable and fists are the solution. This is not worth the gain. People in the world always say: \”I don\’t cause trouble, and I\’m not afraid of trouble.\” It\’s the same with children. When dealing with social relationships, the first thing is not to cause trouble, and then not to be afraid of trouble. Mei Ting participated in \”Mom is Superman\”. When her two-year-old daughter hit someone quickly, she said: \”You are not good at doing this. Good children will not hit others.\” We often label our children unconsciously and randomly. Evaluate the child\’s quality. In fact, children are still unable to understand such strong moral standards in the adult world. Children do not have much malice when they hit others, and most of them have their own reasons. Labeling a child as a bad boy can easily damage a child\’s self-esteem. When a child hits someone, don\’t reason first, isolate him first and let him stay alone for a while. Most children are afraid of loneliness, and forced isolation will make children automatically reflect. At this time, you should tell your child clearly that hitting is wrong. The most important thing is to give your child the right solution. I have a colleague whose son is about to enter elementary school and suddenly becomes particularly aggressive. Colleagues asked him why he hit people? He said: \”I have to have my own territory!\” His colleague said: \”Okay, this is a good idea. But it\’s useless to fight too much. Don\’t you like skateboarding? If you do this well, then you are the hero yourself, you are The territory itself. Everyone will obey you.\” With the method, it is no longer easy for children to raise their fists. In fact, the world of a child is simple. No matter why he raises his little fist, it is asking for love. The cartoonist\’s mother once said: \”I am very lucky that my child likes to hit people, because this allows him to successfully gain my attention and makes me dare not ignore his spiritual dynamics. I am willing to treat mine more carefully. \”Son.\” Indeed, children who are beaten are usually lonely and in a mood of growth. We have to spend more time with our children so that they can learn to express themselves correctly and socialize smoothly in love. Please love the child who hits.