Don’t let your children become “suffering children”, a good article that has awakened thousands of parents

It’s the beginning of school again. The newly graduated students all went to the ivory tower in the distance with their dreams, and the new batch of high school children came to this small garden again. The night before school started, many parents from other places secretly sneaked into the garden to see if the class list was released, and to inquire about the distribution of classrooms, the location of the canteen, and the accommodation conditions in advance. Their faces were full of pride and their hearts were filled with excitement. I deeply understand the worries. We told parents that there will be enthusiastic volunteer students to help them and their children go through all the procedures tomorrow. In fact, I really want to tell parents that this anxious night is just the beginning. This garden will also give their children three years of ups and downs. These three years of ups and downs will also bring experience to all parents. Don\’t know if they are really ready. After all, even in high schools where scores are the core, the same high school entrance examination scores are often not on the same starting line in high schools. Looking back on myself back then, the biggest growth confusion I encountered was the psychological struggle after entering high school. In the past twenty years, from a high school student who suffered from psychological problems in a key high school to a key class teacher in a key middle school, I have met many children who have experienced the same troubles as me. After I had my own child, I was always thinking about what it means to win at the starting line, and why so many outstanding children gradually became unknown during the gradual selection, and even fell into long-term depression. Low self-esteem? Is it a mistake in itself to let children win at the starting line from the beginning? Or are the teachers in our key high schools not doing enough for outstanding children? For a long time, I simply thought that this was caused by some outstanding children receiving too much attention from teachers in junior high school and lack of attention in high school. It wasn’t until I became the head teacher that I gradually discovered that although teachers’ attention to children can inspire positive sunshine in some children, for some children, even if the teacher gives them a lot of sincere encouragement, they cannot resist the inner pressure from all aspects. pressure. The final reason is that the child\’s inner strength is too weak. Only then did I understand that letting children win is definitely not about winning at the starting line of scores. Let’s first take a look at what causes these children who have stepped out of their narrow world to encounter psychological difficulties. Maybe it\’s because of the poverty of the family – in fact, sometimes it\’s just not rich enough. Few people can escape comparison, especially in an era where adults have exaggerated the social atmosphere of money first. The school is not a vacuum, and no one can stop the air in the school from flowing into the air in society. The school where I live requires students to wear uniforms from Monday to Friday. One of the reasons is to prevent students from showing off. When students wear school uniforms, it is not possible to tell what their children\’s family background is. But in fact, comparisons are everywhere. During a pre-class speech, in order to liven up the atmosphere, the classmate who gave the speech first asked a question related to the content of his speech: \”Xiao Yi, how much are the shoes on your feet?\” Xiao Yi stood up and said with a not too showy The tone of the answer was: \”One thousand and two.\” The students booed. To my surprise, the students were not surprised, as if they had known it for a long time. from then onAfter that, I started to pay attention to the children\’s shoes, and there were a lot of them that checked the box (Nike), including Adidas, Li-Ning, Jordan, and Anta. They were basically brand shoes. Only a few children wore ordinary sports shoes. I learned from them. Care and prudence can be read in their eyes, and I can occasionally glimpse the inferiority complex in the corners of their hearts from their words. In the adult world, naked publicity of money is also done without scruples in front of children. Rich children tend to be arrogant. Those children from poor families, although they bet more chips on their scores, they already have an extra hurt in their hearts. Maybe some children have never learned to manage themselves. Many parents understand that the cultivation of habits is the most important, but we must be careful about those fake good habits. The so-called pseudo-good habits mean that the child\’s twelve hours are carefully allocated by the teacher or parents, and the child has not established his own study habits in his heart. In my prefecture-level city, there are two junior high schools with the best admission rates to key high schools. Middle School A is a century-old public school; Middle School B is a new private middle school. The atmosphere of Middle School A is very similar to that of our school, with a good student pool, relaxed management, and student freedom; Middle School B has strict management and has holidays once every two weeks, which is harder than the students in our high school. In the past two years, B Middle School has been like a dark horse, and the admission rate to key high schools has continued to rise. Every year, we accept many high school entrance examination students with excellent scores from these two middle schools. Gradually, we find that the students graduating from the two schools are like two types of children. The students in A Middle School have a cheerful and sunny personality, and they always maintain a strong curiosity in learning. Basically, they can quickly adjust their learning methods and habits according to the high school curriculum – because in junior high school, they rely on their own efforts to excel. . The students in B middle school are obviously lazy, as if they have completed the task after entering high school; and because they do not have teachers to strictly control them all the time, they are easy to slack off; even if some children still keep working hard, it is difficult to establish their own set of Learning the system, I feel confused and find it difficult to excel. Take this year’s college entrance examination as an example. Eight of the top ten children in our school’s college entrance examination scores are from A Middle School (the remaining two are from the following counties and cities) – where did the children with the highest scores from B Middle School go? Already? It is particularly difficult to develop good habits in children. I always feel that leaving children to an efficient processing factory will only reap short-term benefits. But the life of our children is not a fragment, but a long and coherent line. This line of life is worthy of our efforts and efforts. Experience and perspective are also important. The fact is often like this: two children with the same scores from the same middle school will have many differences in high school, college, and even later life. One of the reasons may have something to do with children\’s vision. Those children with broad vision and rich experience always have confidence and determination in their eyes, they handle things more appropriately, and their emotions are less easily troubled by small things. Reading thousands of books, traveling thousands of miles, and meeting countless people are not only the rules of success for adults, but also often determine the starting point of children. Even in terms of the college entrance examination alone, today’sThe college entrance examination questions are increasingly focused on testing students\’ abilities. From the results of our school\’s college entrance examination in recent years, we can see that those top students who are usually focused on and spend their time studying hard are no longer the best, but those who are always in various fields. It is easy for a scholar who speaks at conferences and is always studying hard to win the first prize. I think this is no accident, because the college entrance examination no longer only tests the skills of solving questions, but also tests the children\’s mental maturity and thinking ability. Experience and vision are not always related to family background. Some children from well-off families are just little flowers in the greenhouse who have everything taken care of. Even if they have traveled far away, they often dodge things. Some children from unsatisfactory family backgrounds appear mature and confident because they have already grown up in the family. I have experienced myself on many occasions and have full confidence in my abilities. When Ben Ben was still very young, I understood a truth, that is, every child\’s parents think that their child is the smartest and the best, but only a very small number of children will be considered outstanding by everyone. I have no intention of comparing children, because we have accidentally caused differences in children\’s growth. There are some things that we cannot change for a while. Maybe we don’t have strong enough financial strength. Maybe we have neglected to cultivate and manage our children’s habits. Maybe we are too busy to increase our children’s horizons and experience. By the time we find out, our children have already After entering the gate of junior high school or high school, I feel that there is another most precious thing that can make our children run faster and with less effort. That is parents\’ constant belief in their children, the rational love they give their children, and the good communication between parents and children. In these years of life as a class teacher, this is what I have experienced and learned the most about. Those children with better grades are not because they have higher IQs. Relatively speaking, it is just because they have a healthier and harmonious family. But even if they all have excellent children, there are always some parents who get angry and suppress their children in the name of love. Sometimes I even think that if communication cannot be smooth, we should simply keep the door to the child\’s heart and never use brute force to collide or ignite it with anger. Now last year, I took over my sixth class, which is an ordinary key class of students who were eliminated after selecting the top classes. When the class was first established, I looked at the children in the class and was deeply disappointed. Their self-confidence had been almost destroyed by the top students in the past two years. So, while managing the class, I started to set up a parent WeChat group and wrote a long letter to the parents. One of the paragraphs said: …if our children are not outstanding at the beginning, maybe everyone will also They are used to it, but they were once excellent, but once their grades decline, their parents will first become anxious because of the loss. There are always situations where a child\’s self-confidence, which was finally raised by the teacher, is easily destroyed by the criticism and anger of the parents. In fact, if you think about it objectively, which child wants a bad outcome? They also always hope for the best. At this time, they are not the makers of bad results, but helpless people who need guidance and help. At this time, the help of parents and teachers is even more important. If parents who are not rational enough easily pass on their anxiety to their children, or even vent their anger on them, the children will suffer the consequences of their parents’The dual pressure of growing up and yourself. I hope we don’t have such hard-working children in Class 6… This letter is very long and has touched many parents a lot and moved them a lot. After that, many parents will reflect on their own methods of educating their children and actively communicate with me. Because of this, during the entire third year of high school, our students in Class 6 basically relied on the rational help of their parents and teachers. spent next. It is also because of this that our class has grown from a class with a relatively low starting point to an outstanding class with more than 40 students who later scored 600 points or more in the college entrance examination.